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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26146174">The Good, The Evil, and What Lies In Between</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/NewMoon_100/pseuds/NewMoon_100'>NewMoon_100</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, POV Alternating, POV First Person, Past Obi-Wan Kenobi/Satine Kryze</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 11:22:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>51,978</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26146174</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/NewMoon_100/pseuds/NewMoon_100</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>You think it's difficult surviving in the galaxy in the middle of a war? Well, try figuring out how to walk the line between the Light Side and Dark Side, abiding by Republic, Separatist, and Neutral Systems laws (or breaking them without getting caught), being true to a dying religion, AND surviving in the galaxy in the middle of a war. All at the same time. 'Cause that's my life.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Obi-Wan Kenobi/Original Female Character(s), Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I’d only been trying to get an in with the spice traders on Coruscant for two days and I was already frustrated. How was it I’d been a spice runner for a year, but couldn’t manage to score a little in the biggest city in the galaxy? Honestly, I had to seriously doubt my abilities sometimes. I found my way into a barely lit club that night, my hands shoved in the pockets of my jacket as I stalked up to the bar.</p>
<p>My scavenged armguards clacked on the bar when I sat, and the man next to me commented, “You’re no Jedi.”</p>
<p>I could feel him glance at the two lightsabers on my belt, but I was much too tired to feel threatened.</p>
<p>“No,” I said after placing my order. “I’m not a Jedi. But you are.” I turned to smirk at the man, a glass of whiskey held in one hand. “You’re one of those Republic generals, aren’t you? One of the ones from the Jedi Order.”</p>
<p>“I am, yes.” He gave a light sigh before facing me. “Obi-Wan Kenobi. And you?”</p>
<p>“Ergo. Saxon.”</p>
<p>“Tell me, Ergo, where exactly did you get those sabers of yours?”</p>
<p>“Same place you did. I built them. I ain’t a Sith either, I’ll have you know. I don’t belong to anything at all. I’m just a Force-sensitive girl tryna make my way in the world.”</p>
<p>“Fascinating.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, sure. Look, I don’t know what you want with me, General Kenobi. I ain’t lookin’ to be another brainwashed soldier in your damn war.”</p>
<p>“I’m not trying to recruit you.”</p>
<p>“Isn’t that what Jedi do when they find someone Force-sensitive?”</p>
<p>“You certainly have a disliking for us, don’t you?”</p>
<p>“Oh, what tipped you off?”</p>
<p>“I couldn’t say.”</p>
<p>I released a small, amused <em>pft</em> and turned my head away, swirling the remnants of my whiskey. Apparently, something about my expression encouraged Obi-Wan, because he flashed a bright smile at me as he thoughtfully scratched his beard.</p>
<p>“You’re smug,” I chuckled.</p>
<p>“I’m surprised you don’t think that’s a trait of all Jedi.”</p>
<p>“Are you sayin’ it <em>is</em> a trait of yours?”</p>
<p>“I admit nothing.”</p>
<p>“Mm-hm. Right. Tell me, General Kenobi, what’re <em>you</em> doin’ in this seedy little place? Don’t you have some Separatist toy soldiers to scrap?” I leaned closer, hissing, “Clones to abuse?”</p>
<p>“Very funny. I’m on leave, along with my troops.”</p>
<p>“Oh, that’s nice. Still, this doesn’t seem like a hangout for a Jedi.”</p>
<p>“I wanted a drink.”</p>
<p>“Or a few.” I tapped the three empty shot glasses sitting in front of Obi-Wan. “I gotta say, if I weren’t well-practiced in the ways of the Force, I wouldn’t think you were three shots in.”</p>
<p>“If you weren’t well-practiced?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. I’m good at picking up on little details, and you’ve got just the most delightful buzz goin’ right now.”</p>
<p>“It is what I came here for, I suppose.”</p>
<p>“Good for you. <em>I</em> came to black out, but that’s just me.”</p>
<p>“You’ve a long way to go.”</p>
<p>“Oh, I’m pretty good at gettin’ there fast.”</p>
<p>“That’s unfortunate.”</p>
<p>“I guess it is, yeah. Depends on your point of view.”</p>
<p>“Well, if you wish to get there in style, I do happen to have a bottle of Corellian whiskey stashed away in my quarters. I’d be happy to share.”</p>
<p>“Okay, two things. One: Am I currently getting the ‘take this back to my place’ line from a <em>Jedi,</em> and two: Force, if you’ve got Corellian whiskey, what the <em>hell</em> are ya doin’ here?”</p>
<p>“You most certainly are <em>not, </em>and that whiskey isn’t the kind you enjoy by yourself. I’d like to share it with someone I can have a conversation with.”</p>
<p>“I know the Code, but don’t you have any <em>friends?”</em></p>
<p>“As you said, you know the Code, and I wouldn’t dare consider giving alcohol to those I might consider friends. Would you like to join me, or no?”</p>
<p>“Oh, it’s a resounding yes. I’d never pass up on anything Corellian. You know, there was this one girl who could– Uh, never mind. Let’s get out of this depressing shit stain before anything idiotic happens.”</p>
<p>Obi-Wan laughed and gestured for me to lead the way out of the club.</p>
<p>           </p>
<p>Well, apparently, I reached my goal, ‘cause I don’t remember much of what happened the rest of that night. All I know is I woke up in an unfamiliar room with a pounding headache, my weapons and armor were gone, and a shower was running in an en suite refresher. As my eyes adjusted to the harsh lighting of the room, I sought out a hefty object, and right when I was about to throw the refresher door open and crack some skulls, Obi-Wan stuck his head out of it.</p>
<p>“Ah, you’re awake,” He smiled. “I wasn’t so sure you ever would be.”</p>
<p>Entirely unamused, I growled, “Where the fuck’s my stuff, Jedi?”</p>
<p>“Alright! And after I gave you Corellian whiskey.” He hummed mock disapproval. “It’s all in the closet, just there. I’ll be out in a minute. I’d appreciate it if you don’t try to kill me again once you actually have the devices to.”</p>
<p>“Oh, go drown yourself, Kenobi.”</p>
<p>I could hear him laughing as he returned to his shower. As promised, my things were laid out on a shelf in Obi-Wan’s barren closet. I collected it all onto the couch I’d slept on with a scowl, going through my morning routine of checking the state of each weapon.</p>
<p>Obi-Wan soon emerged, commenting, “You certainly carry an unusual amount of weaponry for someone who doesn’t favor the war.”</p>
<p>I scoffed, “Well, I am trying to <em>survive</em> it.” I tightened the straps of my breast plate. “I was never one for armor before the war, either. Not my style. But here I am.”</p>
<p>“I wouldn’t think you were <em>old</em> enough to be one for armor before the war.”</p>
<p>“How young do you think I am?”</p>
<p>“Oh, I’d never say. You know, you’re much happier when you’re drunk.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, most alcoholics are, aren’t they?”</p>
<p>“In my experience.”</p>
<p>“Please.”</p>
<p>“War is taxing.”</p>
<p>“Yeah… It is. Sorry. I’m just… sober. And hungry. I’m very hungry.”</p>
<p>“Well, follow me. You’re more than welcome to our mess hall.”</p>
<p>Obi-Wan put his lightsaber on his belt, and although I followed him out into the hall, I queried, “Isn’t it dangerous to let random people wander around a Republic base? Especially in the capital.” I shifted to the side to pass by a group of weary clones. “You’re kinda givin’ yourselves up.”</p>
<p>“Perhaps, yes,” Obi-Wan nodded. “I believe you mean us no harm. Am I wrong?”</p>
<p>“No, but what’s my word in this situation, right? You never know.”</p>
<p>“Hm, maybe I <em>should</em> be recruiting you.”</p>
<p>“Why?”</p>
<p>“I appreciate the way your mind works.”</p>
<p>“You appreciate mistrust? You’re a mad one, Obi-Wan Kenobi.”</p>
<p>“I’ll blame that on Master Yoda’s influence.”</p>
<p>“Well, if I knew who this Master Yoda is, I’d laugh, but I’m afraid I got nothin’ for ya.”</p>
<p>That was okay. Obi-Wan had enough laughter for the both of us after I said that. The sight brought on a foggy memory from the night before, just a glimpse of that laugh, his cheeks red with drunkenness. The little flash made me smile, and it didn’t go unnoticed by Obi-Wan.</p>
<p>“Have I got something on my face?” He chuckled.</p>
<p>I grinned, “Oh, don’t be a cliché, Obi-Wan. You just change sometimes. Usually you can see the war on you, but when you smile, it’s gone. For a moment. I don’t know.”</p>
<p>“I wish I could say the same to you.”</p>
<p>“What’s that s’posed to mean?”</p>
<p>“It’s in your eyes.” Obi-Wan paused in front of me to take a closer look. “And all around you. This skittering fear like anything could happen at any moment and you’ll have to fight. Even when you’re clearly happy, it’s still there. Right beneath the surface.”</p>
<p>I swallowed, my mouth suddenly as dry as Tatooine. Obi-Wan’s eyebrows shot up, and he took a step back, his arms crossed over his chest.</p>
<p>“My apologies,” He said. “I shouldn’t have gotten quite so personal.”</p>
<p>“No,” I replied, “It’s okay. You’re right. I don’t know why I never expect people to be as perceptive as me. I mean, you’re a <em>Jedi.</em> It’s kinda your thing. It just always catches me off guard. I’m okay. Now, breakfast?”</p>
<p>“Yes, here we are.” Obi-Wan led me into a cafeteria scattered with troopers. “Now, I can’t promise quality.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I know. I’ve frequented many a mess hall. I take it you haven’t, <em>General?”</em></p>
<p>“I can’t say I have. Only in transit. There are certain perks to my position.”</p>
<p>“Wouldn’t know. Highest I’ve ever gotten is Corporal. I mean, hey, not bad for a kid, but I was eatin’ the same crap as everyone else. It’s not that bad. C’mon, Obi-Wan. Come get a taste for the lives of your troops.”</p>
<p>Grinning crookedly, I threw an arm around Obi-Wan’s shoulders in order to pull him into the mess hall. There were a few surprised looks as we made our ways towards the line, but the clones were quick to grow used to our presence. Balancing our trays, we sat with a young Togruta girl who greeted us brightly.</p>
<p>“Hello, Master Kenobi,” She smiled. “Who’s this? Are you getting a Padawan?”</p>
<p>I scoffed, “A <em>Padawan?</em> How young do you people think I am?”</p>
<p>Chuckling, Obi-Wan said to the girl, “Not a Padawan, no. Ahsoka, this is Ergo. Ergo, Ahsoka.”</p>
<p>“For Force's sake, what about me makes you think I’m some <em>Padawan?! </em>At least assume I’m a Knight!”</p>
<p>“You are quite small.” Obi-Wan teased.</p>
<p>“Oh, stuff it, Jedi.”</p>
<p>All curious, wide eyes, Ahsoka inquired, “If you’re not a Padawan or a Knight, what are you?”</p>
<p>“Yes, tell us,” Obi-Wan said, “Where do you stand when it comes to Siths and Jedi?”</p>
<p>“Siths and Jedi…” I sighed wearily, looking away. “I may have pursued knowledge of the Force and related techniques, but I never wanted anything to do with all that. I’ve studied you people and your orders. You’re all just ridiculous.”</p>
<p>“Well, that’s a bit harsh.” Ahsoka frowned.</p>
<p>“Is it? I don’t know.” I set my fork down in what might be considered a frustrated way, and Obi-Wan watched me with intrigue. “I think it’s probably difficult for you to see it as I do, young one. Either of you. You know, bein’ Jedi. To me, the Jedi and the Siths are two opposite extremes, neither of you truly right or wrong in your ways.”</p>
<p>Obi-Wan tsked, “Now–” but I stopped him with a hand on his arm. He quieted and shifted in his seat.</p>
<p>“Relax,” I smirked darkly. “I know who the bad guys are, Obi-Wan. Those who get lost in their embracement of the ‘Dark Side’ are very clearly a deadly plague in this galaxy. I just… With all the beauty in your philosophies… I wonder if the Jedi are… possibly… dangerously wrong about some things where the opinion of the Sith might be… a bit more… correct.”</p>
<p>Both Ahsoka and Obi-Wan stared at me then. </p>
<p>I ran my hands through my hair with another sigh, saying, “I am trying to have <em>some</em> tact with this. I’ve never discussed this with <em>anyone,</em> let alone two members of the Jedi Order! You coulda at least given me some more whiskey before you got me on this track.”</p>
<p>“You drank it all,” Obi-Wan stated simply.</p>
<p>“Yeah, that sounds like me.”</p>
<p>“Come on, you’ve changed the topic. I want to hear your opinion.”</p>
<p>“It’s the restrictions held right within the Jedi Code ‘There is no emotion;’ ‘there is no passion.’ I understand why you have them – I mean, that’s right in there, too – but they’re just so… cold.”</p>
<p>Ahsoka asked, “Are you saying Jedi are cold?” and Obi-Wan cocked an eyebrow.</p>
<p>“In a sense, yeah.” I groaned quietly before continuing. “I mean, it’s true! No emotion, no passion? Compassion is what makes the Jedi, yet you can’t have <em>love</em>. Like I said, I understand the reasoning. It’s true attachment has led people to ruin before, but to be banned from every form of <em>love</em> is no way to exist! Passion and emotion are what make us! Just because the struggle might lead somewhere unfortunate doesn’t mean it’s right to do away with it all together! What in the name of the Force do you people think intelligent beings would <em>be</em> without our emotions?! I’ll tell you what ‘cause I’ve seen a few examples the past few years! Cold, heartless bastards hiding under a mask of compassion committing war crimes left and right for the supposed good of the galaxy!”</p>
<p>Now Ahsoka and Obi-Wan weren’t my only audience. The clones had gathered, each of them hanging on my every word with the same intense expression. Ahsoka seemed completely unsure of the next move, and Obi-Wan looked just as thoughtful as always.</p>
<p>In a calm voice, he explained, “In order to protect the galaxy, we must make these sacrifices. Emotional attachments make us reckless. One cannot put a single life above a thousand more.”</p>
<p>“You know what would be better? Getting the fuck over all your fears of losing control and saving <em>everyone!</em> This is <em>exactly</em> why I’ve avoided Jedi and Siths and all this mess! I want nothing to do with any of you!”</p>
<p>I shot to my feet before I could do any more damage, though not before I shoved my tray right off the table. It was still clattering to a standstill as I stormed out of the mess hall. Soon after, Obi-Wan caught up with me, quickly stepping in front of me to block my path.</p>
<p>Before he could say anything, I cried, “But aren’t you <em>lonely,</em> Obi-Wan? After all this time suppressing everything, doesn’t it hurt?”</p>
<p>“To think only of myself would be selfish,” Obi-Wan said carefully. “I serve others best when focusing on them.”</p>
<p>“But Obi-Wan… You still matter.”</p>
<p>“Of course. But not quite as much the universe.”</p>
<p>Under my breath, I muttered, “Leeet’s not overstate your reach, bud.”</p>
<p>“Can you honestly tell me you don’t have pain?”</p>
<p>“Of course I do. A hundred lifetimes worth of it, but with it a hundred more of <em>love.</em> Was it troubled? Yeah. Reeeeal damn troubled, and every second of happiness was worth the pain. The trouble with Siths is all they do is focus on the pain. They get lost in it and the desire for revenge. It’s all about balance, not going one way or the other. The Force isn’t that black and white.”</p>
<p>“You’ve studied the ways of the Dark Side.”</p>
<p>“Yeah. Does that bother you, Master Jedi?”</p>
<p>“Funnily enough, it doesn’t. I’d like to see you fight.”</p>
<p>“Excuse me?”</p>
<p>“Really. I’d like to see you fight. How do you feel about a bit of sparring? I’ve nothing better to do today.”</p>
<p>“Well, I’m sure <em>I</em> could find something, but I do like to stay in shape. Are you sure my, um… knowledge doesn’t bother you? I imagine some would report me to the Jedi High Council if they just had suspicions. You’ve got a confession.”</p>
<p>“I’m sure, Ergo. Come, allow me to reveal even more secrets of this base to you.”</p>
<p>“Oh, Force. You damn fool.” </p>
<p>I laughed with my face in my hands as the last of my frustration and panic washed away in the form of a few tears.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” I nodded, wiping them away with a light sigh of relief. “Let’s go.”</p>
<p>Obi-Wan put a hand on my shoulder as we walked, concernedly chuckling, “Are you alright?”</p>
<p>I kicked him right across the shins, grinning, “Oh, <em>shut</em> it, Jedi.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Welcome, my dears, to the Ergo Saxon of it all.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After hours upon hours upon fucking <em>hours</em> of trying, I didn’t beat Obi-Wan even once. Sure, I got impressively close, but dammit, he overtook me every time. By lunchtime, I was on the floor with an armored knee in my back for the sixth time all morning, my wrists held in an almost painfully tight grasp for the tenth time in a row, and I couldn’t begin to count how many times my lightsabers had fucked off to who knows where.</p>
<p>My cheek pressed into the mat of the fighting ring, I panted, “Now, as much as I’m enjoying the sharp plastic that’s currently trying to sneak its way between my vertebrae, perhaps it’s time for a break?”</p>
<p>Obi-Wan just laughed deeply in reply and sat next to me as I rolled onto my back with a groan.</p>
<p>“You’re certainly a challenge,” He huffed, wiping sweat from his face with his tunic.</p>
<p>I scoffed, “Well, it doesn’t feel like it!”</p>
<p>“Believe me, young warrior, it’s been a long time since someone’s made me sweat <em>quite</em> this much.”</p>
<p>“Someone’s cocky. Not that it isn’t the same for me. I can’t remember the last time I lost a fight. I mean, sober. It’s pretty easy to slip up when you’re all jittery on two lines of– Uh… never mind.”</p>
<p>“It’s alright. You needn’t tell me.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I know… Let’s just say it’s not a habit I’m all that proud of. Although, considering what I came to this planet for…” I scrubbed my face with the heels of my hands. “I should just fly away before I get in trouble, shouldn’t I?”</p>
<p>“I think that depends on the alternative.”</p>
<p>“The alternative is… Dammit, I’ll just say it... Getting lost in a spice den till I wake up somewhere else, no idea how I got there. But– I just– It’d be nice. To get lost for a while. To have that little taste of bliss.”</p>
<p>“Perhaps, yes, but you must ask yourself, is it truly worth all that comes after?”</p>
<p>I hid my face in my hands, whispering, “Obi-Wan, I’ve been at this <em>so</em> long.” I looked up at him. “It’s much easier than… than… I don’t know. Most things.” Slowly sitting up, I sadly sighed, “I can’t even remember how it all started.”</p>
<p>"As I said, you don’t have to tell me.”</p>
<p>“I know, I know. But if I ever wanted to?”</p>
<p>“Of course.”</p>
<p>Obi-Wan stood and offered me his hand. I took it with a small smile, the warmth of his leather-clad hands a comfort. Now, there’s a funny aspect to the Force. Something it does with connections. There are many ways it can manifest: a visit from someone long since passed, a voice in your head, flickers of visions and feelings from another. Or just a gentle touch of minds, caressing thoughts like fingertips across a cheek… You know. Something like that. That’s not what I felt when I took Obi-Wan’s hand, not at all, yet I can’t deny there was <em>something</em> more than just warmth. From Obi-Wan’s grin, I couldn’t tell if he felt the same thing, but a bright spark in his eyes made me laugh as I gathered my fallen weapons.</p>
<p>I beamed, “You’re a strange man, Obi-Wan Kenobi. But then, I guess most Force-wielders are. I’m no different.”</p>
<p>“Well, is that so wrong?” Obi-Wan mused.</p>
<p>“Not even a little.” I put one saber hilt on my belt and gestured with the other, smirking, “In fact, it’s encouraging to know I’m not the only one.”</p>
<p>“Yes, quite.” He furrowed his brow slightly, rushing into his next words. “Ergo, might I ask you about something?”</p>
<p>“Yeah?”</p>
<p>“Your lightsabers. They’re an interesting hue, yes?”</p>
<p>“Uh, yeah, I guess so.” </p>
<p>I unsheathed the saber still in my hand, revealing the off-white color of it. It was strange, tinges of gold, brown, and creme culminating in a pleasing yet eerie glow.</p>
<p>As I gazed into the light, I explained, “The kyber crystals I used were both off-color. When I imbued them, they didn’t change like they’re supposed to. They were still the same color. I used to think it was because I’m untrained, but I’m pretty sure that’s not how it works. I wish I knew whether it means anything, but I guess it doesn’t really matter in the long run.” </p>
<p>I retracted the lightsaber with a crooked smirk and clipped it onto my belt.</p>
<p>“Interesting,” Obi-Wan nodded. “I’ll have to do some research. In the meantime, allow me to treat you to lunch. The city has many options.”</p>
<p>“Ah, sorry, man. Can’t. I’ve got a money-makin’ opportunity to get to. But I’d be happy to meet you at that club tonight. 2000 hours, General?”</p>
<p>“I look forward to it, my dear. Shall I walk you to the door?”</p>
<p>“Oh, lovely. Go on then.”</p>
<p>Like the truest of gentlemen, Obi-Wan offered me his arm. I happily took it, and we strolled away with matching grins.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>My so-called money-making opportunity turned my afternoon into just as much of an endless bout of hard work as the morning. The day I met Obi-Wan, I had found myself in a port full of merchants, many of them in need of laborers. Sure, it didn’t pay all that well, but it was something, at least, and I had just enough coin to catch a cab to the club that night. Obi-Wan, who was waiting outside, beamed as I stepped out of the speeder, the growth of his smile so drawn out I could pinpoint every stage of it. Once again, I felt that little something, this time a little stronger. Like my aura was sloshing up against a mountain.</p>
<p>“What is it?” Obi-Wan asked through his toothy smile, shaking his head in confusion.</p>
<p>I replied, “Nothing, it’s nothing. You just look different.”</p>
<p>“What, in a matter of hours, I look different? I suppose I washed up a bit. Training isn’t my favorite scent.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, it’s not that. I don’t know.” I shook the thought away and stuck my hands in my pockets, saying, “Unfortunately, I’ve managed to blow <em>all</em> of the money I made today, so you’ll have to pay for the drinks.”</p>
<p>“In fact, I’ll be paying for dinner.”</p>
<p>“Dinner? Why are you so determined to feed me?”</p>
<p>“Why not?”</p>
<p>“Well, taking me out to dinner sounds quite a lot like a date, Master Jedi.”</p>
<p>“Mm, let’s call it satisfying a physical need. Come, the restaurant’s just down that alley.”</p>
<p>I peeked down said alley with much skepticism, saying, “That doesn’t seem like your scene, dude. <em>My</em> scene, but not yours.”</p>
<p>“Then you can introduce me. Come on.”</p>
<p>“Alright, I’m just warnin’ ya.”</p>
<p>“Much appreciated.”</p>
<p>I snickered and followed Obi-Wan down the dark alley to a very small noodle bar with a very large neon sign. It was a quaint little hole in the wall run by an elderly couple. He was a Twi’lek covered in scars; she was a stocky humanoid whose species I couldn’t identify. Other than that horrific sign, everything about the little restaurant was welcoming. The warm lighting, the smells, the quiet clattering of the kitchen. As we drank and slurped down noodles, we chatted about kinder things than Siths and Jedi and war, happily chattering away with the owners of the restaurant and a few interesting passersby. Before we knew it, Obi-Wan and I had been there for hours and it was closing time. With one last sip of a rice liquor, Obi-Wan paid and we left, wading through drunken crowds.</p>
<p>As I stepped around a group of young partiers, I said, “Not gonna lie, this was the nicest date I’ve had in a long time, Obi-Wan.”</p>
<p>“It was not a <em>date,”</em> He insisted.</p>
<p>“Well, I could call it a friendly hangout, but that still implies emotional connection, so I think you’re kinda stuck.”</p>
<p>“Jedi do have <em>friends.</em> Besides, we were satisfying a physical need.”</p>
<p>“Mm, right. Tell the High Council that all you want. I know better.” I took Obi-Wan’s hand in mine and lightly kissed it with a wicked smile. “Goodnight, General.”</p>
<p>With that, I sashayed away, leaving one stupefied Jedi Master in the glow of a thousand neon lights.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Oh, to have your ass kicked by Obi-Wan Kenobi.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>It's gettin' real now, kids.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next day was another one of hard labor, every hour of it spent in the ports. I left my new merchant overlords an hour after sunset and made a beeline for a tavern to make use of my pay. Two beers and a burger in, Obi-Wan suddenly dropped into the chair across from me. With a sharp gasp of surprise, I ended up choking on a chunk of fried potato, tears pouring down my cheeks as I fought to dislodge it.</p><p>Squinting at Obi-Wan through blurred vision, I snapped, “What–” <em>Cough.</em> “The fuck–” <em>Cough, cough.</em> “Are ya doin’ here?”</p><p>“Are you alright?” He chuckled.</p><p>I shot him a very raspy, “Not particularly!” After a deep breath to regain myself, I repeated, “What the fuck are ya doin’ here?”</p><p>“Well, I thought you might like to go for drinks, but you look as if you’re well on your way already.”</p><p>“Damn straight. How’d you even find me?”</p><p>“I went to the club and worked my way from there.”</p><p>“Assuming I’d be frequenting some sort of bar?”</p><p>“Should I apologize for that?”</p><p>“Nah, you were right to do so. Anyways, I think I’m alright on drinks for tonight, which I never thought I’d say after two beers, but there is something I <em>would</em> go for.”</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“Rematch.”</p><p>I deviously tapped my fingers on the table with a grin, and Obi-Wan snarked, “As I recall, we had plenty of ‘rematches,’ all of them unsuccessful on your part.”</p><p>“Yeah, yeah. I think I got ya this time, Jedi.”</p><p>“Oh? Sounds promising. It’s a challenge, then.” Obi-Wan stood dramatically – as that was the only way he knew how to do most things – and started out of the tavern. “Come, come, back to base.”</p><p>“Yes!”</p><p>I chucked a few credits onto the table to pay for my meal and gleefully chased after Obi-Wan. He smiled down at me as I caught up, his hands held daintily behind his back.</p><p>“Tell me,” He began, “Why is it you’re so sure you’ll beat me this time?”</p><p>I scoffed, “Well, if I told you that, that’d give away my whole strategy, wouldn’t it?’</p><p>“Damn. Thought I had you.”</p><p>“Yeeeah, right. You just wait, Jedi, I’m gonna kick your ass.”</p><p>There was a pleasing crinkle at the corners of Obi-Wan’s eyes as he laughed. </p><p>Tutting at him in mock disappointment, I nudged him with my shoulder and huffed, “Don’t laugh at me, man!”</p><p>“No, no. I’m quite sure you're capable of ‘kicking my ass,’ as you say.” I snorted at his imitation of my accent, and he rolled his eyes. “You are very skilled,” He continued gently. “In fact, I was surprised I managed to get through our little session without a loss. I’m excited to see what you have in store for me.”</p><p>“Yeah… You shouldn’t be.”</p><p>“Ah. Will it be painful?”</p><p>“Maybe a bit.”</p><p>“I think I can take it.”</p><p>“No, I’m sure you can. Just sayin’, you know?”</p><p>“Thank you?”</p><p>“Alright, leave it alone, Obi-Wan.”</p><p>“Apologies.”</p><p>“Mm-hm.”</p><p>Obi-Wan tipped his head down and asked, “How was your day, Ergo?”</p><p>“My day? I mean, it was fine, I guess.”</p><p>“I’m sorry, did the question bother you?”</p><p>“No, I just– I’m not used to people asking me how my day was. Seems a bit… normal for me. Doesn’t exactly fit into the life I lead.”</p><p>“That’s unfortunate.”</p><p>“I… guess it is. I never really thought about that. But it’s okay, you know? It’s nice to be asked, but I don’t need that kind of normality. I’ve always lived without it; why would I need it now? Still, thanks for asking. It’s kind of you to give a shit.”</p><p>“You’re welcome.”</p><p>“Alright, don’t get smug, Jedi.”</p><p>“I’m not! Why do you insist on calling me that?”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“‘Jedi.’ You say it as if it’s an insult.”</p><p>“No! I mean… I– Ugh, I get what you mean. It’s not an insult. That’s not my intention. It’s just– Well– You know I’m not the biggest fan of Jedi, but– Obi, I promise I don’t mean anything by it. It’s just what I call you. It feels fitting. Don’t take it the wrong way just ‘cause I’ve got some issues with your faction. ‘Sides, I’ve got some issues with most factions. I think I might be getting off-track here. Point is, it’s not an insult, and you are <em>messing</em> with me, you absolute <em>douchebag!”</em></p><p>Since Obi-Wan wasn’t wearing his armor, I socked him in the arm as hard as I could, only making him laugh.</p><p>“Stars above, you’ve got a strong right hook,” He chuckled.</p><p>“Shut up, dude! You’re such a bastard!”</p><p>“Come now, darling.”</p><p>Slapping his elbow with each word, I roared, “You! Are! A! <em>Child!”</em></p><p>“Yes, <em>I’m</em> the child in this situation.”</p><p>Snickering, I gave him one, last, good whack.</p><p>“I think it might be cheating to soften me up before battle.” He commented.</p><p>“You deserve it,” I tsked. “In fact, you might deserve a kick right in the choobies.”</p><p>“Well, I’m not so sure about <em>that.”</em></p><p>“Yeah, you wouldn’t, would you? Oh, look at that, we’ve arrived.”</p><p>Something escaped Obi-Wan that sounded quite a lot like a giggle, and while it made me smile, I thought it best not to mention it. That would really ruin the whole thing, wouldn’t it? I had to appreciate the look we received from the clone trooper standing guard just inside the door of the base. Of course, I couldn’t see his face, but I had the distinct feeling he was staring at us like we were the oddest pair he’d ever seen come through that door. Not that he was necessarily wrong about that. I threw him a mock salute, making him cock his head in confusion.</p><p>I paused, touching Obi-Wan’s arm to stop him, and inquired of the clone, “What’s your name?”</p><p>“My identification number is CT–”</p><p>“No, no. Your name.”</p><p>Slowly, the trooper said, “It’s Striker, sir.”</p><p>“Allow me to give you a piece of advice, Striker. Try to ignore us Force-sensitive folks. If <em>we</em> can’t even understand ourselves, I highly doubt anyone else can.”</p><p>“Yes, sir.”</p><p>“Ahhh, clones. Have a good night, Striker.”</p><p>“And you, sir. General Kenobi.”</p><p>Obi-Wan smiled, “Goodnight, Striker,” and we continued into the base.</p><p>There weren’t many other people in the halls, most of the inhabitants probably already asleep or assigned elsewhere on their evening shifts. The gym was just as quiet, everything put up for the next day. I lay my jacket over the barbells, pushing up my sleeves with a smirk.</p><p>“Oh, you are confident,” Obi-Wan grinned.</p><p>“Damn straight,” I said.</p><p>I took both my sabers in my hands, unsheathing them in unison, and surged forward, Obi-Wan only just quick enough to parry my slash.</p><p>“Good timing,” He hummed as I blocked a strong attack.</p><p>“Yeah,” I chuckled, slicing at his legs. “Well, I’m damn well-practiced.” I knocked him to the ground with a sturdy hit of my shoulder, but he just rolled back onto his feet the second he hit the floor. “Best to be prepared.” I dodged a jab at my head. “You know–” A grunt escaped me as I caught the sleeve of Obi-Wan’s tunic in a swift move. “Times like these.”</p><p>“Is this really the time for political commentary?”</p><p>Quite to his point, I was too busy with a quick series of aggressive attacks to reply. At the end of the bout, which I was sure would turn out well for me, I was forced to drop one lightsaber, and it skittered away. But even if I was caught off guard for a moment, I slickly slipped back a few steps and grabbed the fallen saber. With too little time for a thought process, I threw the lightsaber at Obi-Wan, keeping my other held behind my back. Naturally, he ducked under it, but as he was coming back up, I sprung at him, my remaining saber held high in preparation to strike.</p><p>“Oh, Force!” He exclaimed, rushing to block me.</p><p>I easily flipped over him, snickering, “Maybe you’re right, Obi.” I landed without a sound. “Not the best time for it.” With a wicked grin, I changed my hold on my remaining saber and lunged forward. “Honestly, I think it’s fitting for us to have a conversation while trying to maim each other.”</p><p>He laughed heartily as he side-stepped me and agreed, “Yes, that may well be true, my dear– Wait, <em>maim?” </em>He just barely avoided one of my jabs, and I could smell singed hair as my lightsaber grazed his beard. “I’m not trying to maim you! Are you trying to maim <em>me?”</em></p><p>He hastily kicked me in the hip, sending me stumbling back a few steps.</p><p>“I’m not holding back,” I growled.</p><p>I struck with a somewhat unconventional upward slash that would’ve sliced him right in half had he not dramatically flipped away, and he grunted, “No, I’m starting to see that!”</p><p>As my strikes grew increasingly well-placed, Obi-Wan diverted his focus from defense and tiring me to trying to disarm me. He was successful in his efforts, as Jedi Masters tend to be. In order to defend myself, I was forced to leave my hands vulnerable just long enough for Obi-Wan to knock my lightsaber away. This time, the weapon skittered far across the room, much too far for me to fetch. It wasn’t long before Obi-Wan had me with my hands behind my back, his saber held at my throat.</p><p>I grumbled, “You sure you aren’t trying to maim me?”</p><p>“I did what I had to,” He said smugly. “It seems your confidence was misplaced, young one.”</p><p>“Nah. I gotcha right where I want you, Obi-Wan.”</p><p>“Oh, I hate it when they say that.”</p><p>With a somewhat wicked cackle, I allowed the power of the Force to flow from me in the form of lightning from my fingertips, the shock causing Obi-Wan to drop his own weapon. It fell towards my feet, and I deftly kicked it into the air, shoving Obi-Wan away just before catching the lightsaber. I swept his feet out from under him, tackled him as he fell – careful not to impale him with his own weapon – and trapped his hands in one of mine, edging his saber as close to his neck as I could without actually harming him. The blue light danced on his skin as he caught his breath.</p><p>“Right where I want you,” I repeated, pride clear in my voice.</p><p>Just as proud, Obi-Wan smiled, “You absolute beauty, Ergo.”</p><p>Finally, adrenaline made way for exhaustion. Panting, I set the lightsaber on the floor and wearily let my head fall, my forehead resting right on Obi-Wan’s. Still, I was beaming, especially as his breath warmed my face. With my grip loosened, he was able to move his hands, and slowly but surely, he wove our fingers together, holding my eyes all the while. We came together all at once, really crashing into each other as we both rushed to kiss the other. Obi-Wan slowly sat up with me in his lap, his free hand slipping under my shirt. Even though he was conditioned to wear gloves or at least hand wrappings when handling weapons, he had the rough skin of a warrior, calluses brushing my side.</p><p>“Wait, wait,” I gasped, tipping my head back. Obi-Wan used it as an opportunity to kiss my neck, his beard tickling my sensitive skin. “Hey, Obi-Wan, wait.” I cupped his cheeks and forced him to look at me. “We shouldn’t.”</p><p>“No,” He breathed, “We shouldn’t.” He turned his head to kiss my palm. “Do you not want to?”</p><p>“I didn’t say that. But are you <em>sure?</em> For you, this is…”</p><p>“I’m always sure.”</p><p>“Cocky bastard.”</p><p>“Yes, well–”</p><p>I kissed his smug smile, and he hummed happily. This time, when I felt my thoughts touch a presence, it was easy to recognize it as his. His mind vibrated with joy as it danced with mine.</p><p>“Obi-Wan…” I sighed, turning my head, “We’re making out on a sweaty mat that’s probably never been washed.”</p><p>He laughed, “We are, aren’t we?”</p><p>“As I recall, you have nice little quarters with a double bed.”</p><p>“I do.”</p><p>“We’ll pass a lot of pairs of eyes on the way there.”</p><p>“How’s your acting?”</p><p>“Pretty good.”</p><p>“I think we’ll be just fine. Shall we?”</p><p>“Alright, then.”</p><p>Grinning, I stood, pulling Obi-Wan with me. Once we’d collected our weapons, my jacket, and our composure, we were on our way to the officers’ quarters. Only one person acknowledged us with anything more than a respectful nod: a clone with a distinct scar on the side of his face who happened to be in the same lift as us.</p><p>“General Kenobi,” He greeted. “Who’s this?”</p><p>Obi-Wan replied, “She’s… an associate of sorts, Cody.”</p><p>“Sir, with all due respect, isn’t it a bit late for a meeting?”</p><p>“Perhaps. Commander, I trust this won’t be an issue.”</p><p>“Of course not, sir.” Holding out his hand to me, the trooper said, “Commander Cody. At your service. You don’t look much like a Jedi.”</p><p>“I’m not,” I smirked. “Name’s Ergora Saxon, Commander. I may not be a Jedi, but I’ve got some Force-related business with Master Kenobi. Nothing that would be of interest to you, I assure you.”</p><p>“Yes, sir.”</p><p>“What is it with you soldiers and wanting to call me ‘sir?’”</p><p>“I… don’t know what you mean.”</p><p>“There was just another trooper. He addressed me that way, too. Not everyone’s your superior, you know? Especially not me. I’m a lowlife scavenger. Just sayin’. Anyways, you two seem familiar.”</p><p>“Cody’s my right-hand man,” Obi-Wan explained.</p><p>“Ahh, a general and his troops. Now that’s a special relationship. Sometimes. Never mind, I was trying to make a point, but it didn’t work. Anyway, it was nice meeting you, Cody.” The doors of lift opened, and all three of us stepped out. “Don’t stay up too late.”</p><p>“Goodnight, sir. General.”</p><p>Obi-Wan said, “Get some rest, Cody. It’s what we’re here for.”</p><p>“Yes, General.”</p><p>With no further questions, Cody went on his not so merry way. It was only another minute to Obi-Wan’s rooms after that. Neither of us bothered with buttons or switches; I opened the door with a flick of my wrist, and Obi-Wan closed it the same way. It had barely slid shut when he pulled me to him.</p><p>“Now,” I swallowed, “Are you really su–”</p><p>Obi-Wan smiled, “Quiet. You already have my answer. I’m as sure as I’ve ever been about anything.”</p><p>“Good.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The morning came gently. I woke slowly to sunlight and a warm spot under my hand where Obi-Wan had been sleeping. Just like the last time I awoke in that room, I could hear a shower running in the refresher. Sitting up with a wide yawn, I looked at the clock hanging above the couch and everything changed. I scrambled out of bed, literally punched the button to open the refresher door, and shamelessly burst into the refresher.</p><p>Obi-Wan startled, shouting, “What in the <em>blazes</em> are you–”</p><p>“Scooch, Jedi!” I snapped. “I got a meeting I <em>really </em>don’t wanna miss!”</p><p>“What–”</p><p>“Soap, Obi-Wan, Soap!”</p><p>“Alright!”</p><p>Eyes wide, he complied and shoved the bar of soap into my hands.</p><p>“I don’t know why you’re so offended by this,” I frowned as I sudsed up. “You do realize we had <em>sex</em> last night? You were <em>inside</em>–<em>”</em></p><p>“Stop it. I’m not offended, Ergo. You just surprised me.”</p><p>“This has all been a bit sudden, hasn’t it?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“Yeah, that seems to always be how it goes with me. I’m sorry.”</p><p>“Don’t be. I don’t mind.”</p><p>As I was reaching past him to set down the soap, I kissed his cheek with a smile, murmuring, “I’m glad. I gotta go.”</p><p>I sped out of the refresher, and when I turned to pluck my clothes off the floor, Obi-Wan was there, a towel around his waist and another in his hand.</p><p>“What exactly is your rush?” He inquired, holding the towel out to me.</p><p>I smirked as I took it. “You know I’m comin’ back, right?”</p><p>“I can’t say I do.”</p><p>“Well, I <em>am.</em> So you can relax.”</p><p>“I’m still worried. I sense anxiety from you.”</p><p>“You have the power to make arrests, right?”</p><p>“I do, yes.”</p><p>“Then I think it’s probably best not to say anything.”</p><p>“Well, doesn’t that just ease my mind, Ergora.”</p><p>“Man, I wish you hadn’t learned my full name. Obi-Wan, I’m fine. Nothing’s gonna happen. I just don’t want to miss an opportunity to make a good chunk of coin. That’s it.”</p><p>I tightened the last strap on my holster and draped my barely used towel around Obi-Wan’s neck as an excuse to edge closer to him. He was plenty inviting, resting his hands on my hips, but his words were much more serious.</p><p>He asked, “Do you really need all these weapons? You’re like a walking armory, my dear. It makes me think you’re going out of your way to find danger and you’re well-aware of it.”</p><p><em>“Relax,”</em> I chuckled, pushing wet hair out of his face. I pulled his head down to kiss his forehead. “You’re gettin’ worry lines.”</p><p>“I’m only–”</p><p>“Obi-Wan.” I sat him on his bed with a soft sigh. “Do you know why I carry these?”</p><p>“Knowing you, I’d say political commentary.”</p><p>I laughed, “Yeah, in a way, I guess.” Just to keep my hands busy, I took the towel from around Obi-Wan’s neck and began to dry his hair. “They make me feel safe. Do I <em>need</em> them? Probably not. Not to be arrogant, but I’m kind of overpowered. Do I use them every day? While I <em>do</em> lead an abnormally dangerous life, I usually don’t even think to reach for a weapon in a day. But they make me feel safe, and I’ve always found keeping a collection calming. Yeah, that’s probably not healthy, but considering why I came here, I could’ve blown my funds on much worse things than a few throwing knives. Right?”</p><p>“Yes, but you shouldn’t have to be heavily armed just to feel safe.”</p><p>“No, I shouldn’t. Maybe the Republic should’ve thought about that, huh?” I placed a chaste kiss on his lips. “I really do need to go, Obi-Wan. I should be back around lunch. Come let me in, eh? See you later.”</p><p>One last kiss and I was gone.</p><p> </p><p>Since I wasn’t truthful with Obi-Wan about why I was in such a rush to get out the door that morning, allow me to redeem myself with you. The day before, I had stumbled across three brothers in the Pike Syndicate at the port in need of some extra muscle for a smuggling job. It had a big payout they claimed they were plenty willing to split with me if I lent them my abilities. I just had to be on time, and they’d explain everything to me. I wasn’t on time. When I got to the brothers’ ship, it was empty, and their speeder was nowhere to be found. I could only assume they’d given up on me and left to rob whatever they were planning to rob. Usually, I would’ve just walked away without a care, but I spent all my money on a cab again, and my stomach was growling. So I didn’t walk away without a care, I stalked away with quite a lot of cares, my hands shoved in my pockets in frustration. After I don’t even <em>know</em> how long wandering the city, I found myself in a large farmers market, shoppers milling around colorful stands. There were many different smells floating through the air, each one more tantalizing than the next. As I made my way down the market, every scent was torture, and there was only one way to remedy my pitiful situation. With my experience in pilfering and scavenging (one does learn a lot on a pirate ship), it was easy to snatch a few fruits and vegetables without anyone noticing. Or so I thought. I only had room in my pockets for one more apple when I heard a man shout. I shouldn’t have turned, but I did, and I locked eyes with a young Jedi in abnormally dark robes, his still-sheathed lightsaber at the ready. He pointed it at me, and instead of bothering to fight, I dropped my stolen apple and sprinted away. My… diminutive size allowed me to dart in between people, but the Jedi chasing me had just as much ease avoiding them. They do tend to be slippery little fuckers. Right at the end of the market, someone called my name, and I stumbled in surprise. Out of absolutely nowhere, Obi-Wan caught me by the shoulders.</p><p>“Obi-Wan?” I scoffed. I caught the sound of thundering feet and scowled, “Hold on, I gotta do somethin’.”</p><p>I turned in what felt like slow motion, drawing my pistol as I faced the approaching Jedi. One hand on my saber, I fired at his feet.</p><p>“No further, Jedi!” I roared. “I’m not just some idiot with a blaster.”</p><p>“No.” The young Jedi said as he unsheathed his saber, “You’re a thief.”</p><p>Extending my own lightsaber, I growled, “Ohh, just you try it. I’d love nothing more than to slice you up and deliver your head to the Council. Finally give ‘em something worthwhile to talk about.”</p><p>“Ergo,” Obi-Wan interrupted, resting a hand on my shoulder, “You do realize <em>I’m</em> on the High Council?”</p><p>“C’moooon, Obi, you’re ruinin’ my moment!”</p><p>“My deepest apologies, darling. Do go on.”</p><p>I holstered both my weapons with a roll of my eyes, groaning, “Well, it’s too late <em>now.</em> You’ve already ruined it.”</p><p>“I’m sorry,” The young Jedi said, “Do you two <em>know</em> each other?”</p><p>Both Obi-Wan and I replied, “Intimately,” and cocked an eyebrow at each other.</p><p>“Master, are you trying to say you’re <em>friends</em> with this <em>sleemo?”</em></p><p>I lurched forward in rage, knife in hand, hissing, “You’d do well to hold your tongue, little Knight, or I’ll cut it out and hold it for you!”</p><p>The Jedi was nowhere near deterred as he spat, “I’ve got far worse names for a common thief like you, stealing from farmers just trying to make a living!”</p><p>Obi-Wan stepped between us, pushing the Jedi back. “Alright, alright,” He sighed. “I’m sure this is a simple misunderstanding. Anakin, put your lightsaber away– Ergo, the knife, I mean, really– Just <em>calm down.”</em></p><p>Shoving my hunting knife into my belt, I snapped, “I may be a common thief, but those are no farmers, Jedi! The <em>farmers</em> are back on their planets, struggling to survive while merchants in disguise peddle their harvest at prices outta the damn galaxy, only throwing a few coins at everyone else and expecting them to live on that! So if you want to call me <em>sleemo</em> for liberating a few apples those bastards will never notice to feed a girl with no money, go ahead. I’ll wear the name with pride.”</p><p>Anakin stuttered, “Well, I wasn’t–</p><p>“Save it. I don’t care what you have to say.”</p><p>“Ergo,” Obi-Wan said gently, “If you needed food, you know you could have come to me.”</p><p>“I… didn’t want to just freeload off you, Obi-Wan.”</p><p>“By all means, freeload. I believe as a Jedi, it’s what I’m here for.”</p><p>“Uhh… Cute… My point still stands, you know. I’m not giving this stuff back.”</p><p>“Understood. Though you should be more responsible with–”</p><p>“Don’t even say it, man. Hey, I don’t think it was my fault this time, okay? Merchants are stingy. <em>Especially</em> at the docks. They seriously pay like shit.”</p><p>“I’m sure. I never was a fan of the merchants of Coruscant, myself. Come, we ought to get back to the base before Ahsoka wonders where we’ve gotten to.”</p><p>“Sure.” I produced two purple fruits from my pockets as we walked, smirking, “Stone fruit, anyone?”</p><p>“Don’t mind if I do,” Obi-Wan said, taking the peach with a smile. “I did come here for the produce.”</p><p>“None for you?” I asked Anakin mockingly. “Too immoral for you, young Jedi?”</p><p>Anakin snatched the peach away from me, scowling, “You know, you’re probably not that much older than me.”</p><p>“Kiddo, you may technically be a man now, but I’m damn sure you’re barely outta your teens. <em>I’m</em> right on the edge of thirty. Believe me, if I weren’t, I’d be regretting some of my actions of last night.”</p><p>Obi-Wan spat out a chunk of peach in surprise and stared at me. “What is <em>that </em>supposed to mean?” He demanded.</p><p>I laughed, “What? It’s best to keep your dalliances within a certain age range.”</p><p>“Oh, don’t call it a <em>dalliance.”</em></p><p>“No? What should we call it, then? ‘Satisfying a physical need?’ Can’t use that one for everything, Obi.”</p><p>“Ergora, this is <em>not</em> the time.”</p><p>“No, nor the company, yet I’m not the only one who said ‘intimately.’”</p><p>“Now–”</p><p>“Speaking of the company, you’ve yet to properly introduce us, Obi-Wan. I’m curious about this kid.”</p><p>“Yes, of course! Introductions.” Since the base was in sight, we stopped at the edge of the street, Anakin and I watching Obi-Wan expectantly. “Anakin,” He began, “This is Ergora Saxon. She is a Force-wielder, but she belongs to no order.” I threw Anakin a two-fingered salute. “Ergo, this is Anakin Skywalker, my former Padawan.”</p><p>“Really?” I snickered. <em>“Your</em> teaching shaped this guy?” I jerked my thumb in Anakin’s direction.</p><p>“In part.”</p><p>An arm resting heavily on Obi-Wan’s shoulder, Anakin smirked, “I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about, Master. This is all you.”</p><p>“Yeah, good job, Obi-Wan,” I snorted. “He’s perfect.”</p><p>Obi-Wan tsked, “Alright, you two. You’ve had your laugh.” He sighed in amusement. “I knew you would get along the second I met Ergo. The two of you are <em>terribly</em> similar.”</p><p>“Get along?” Anakin huffed. “Five minutes ago, we nearly killed each other.”</p><p>I combed my hair out of my face, grinning, “C’mon, Ani. The past’s in the past.”</p><p>“Yeah. Right.”</p><p>“Now, come <em>on,</em> ya idjits!” I began shoving them towards the base. “I’m so hungry, I could eat a dewback!”</p><p>“Have you ever seen a dewback? That is <em>not</em> appetizing.”</p><p>“I’m still probably ten years older than you, Skywalker. I’ve seen many a dewback. ‘Sides, kid, from my experience, the meals served in this base’s mess hall aren’t much more appetizing.”</p><p>As the three of us squeezed into a lift, Anakin frowned, “You’ve been here?”</p><p>“I kicked your Master’s ass here.”</p><p>“Yes,” Obi-Wan mused, “And the total was one to…?”</p><p>The doors opened with a ding, allowing me to back out with a smirk of, “The total doesn’t matter, <em>jackass,</em> because I’m an untrained fighter and you’re a Jedi Master.”</p><p>“I’m afraid you’ve got me there, my dear.”</p><p>“Boom, baby! In the battle of wills it is Ergo, one, Obi-Wan, nil.”</p><p>“Yes, well, we’ll see about that, won’t we?”</p><p>Anakin raised an eyebrow but made no comment. I could practically see the thoughts forming in his head as he observed Obi-Wan and I. It probably should’ve concerned me more that there were any thoughts forming at all.</p><p> </p><p>Breakfast was a joyful affair. In the mess hall, we were joined by Ahsoka, Commander Cody, and another clone who introduced himself as Rex. He was clearly a clever man, with well-placed words, respectful jabs or otherwise. In fact, everyone in our little group seemed to be thinkers, though in very different ways, making for conversation just as satisfying as the food. At the end of the <em>very</em> long meal, I was absolutely exhausted. I guess it would’ve helped if I had actually done much sleeping the night before. The second I was back in Obi-Wan’s quarters, I flopped onto his bed, burying my face in the pillow with a groan.</p><p>Obi-Wan sat next to me, saying, “You ought to use your words, Ergo.” I flipped him off and he chuckled, <em>“Words.”</em></p><p>“Sign language, bitch.”</p><p>“Well put, well put. Are you alright?”</p><p>“Tired.”</p><p>“Mm, yes. Well, if you’re going to take a nap, I would appreciate it if you would allow me to remove your shoes first.”</p><p>“Mmmm… Naps are for losers.”</p><p>“Is that so?” Obi-Wan lifted my legs onto his lap and began untying my boots. “Well, this loser’s about to take one, and you are more than welcome to join me.”</p><p>“I never said I wasn’t a loser.” Once my boots were off, I pulled Obi-Wan down next me, murmuring, “S’nap time.”</p><p>Obi-Wan laughed quietly, his chest shaking with the deep sound, and I curled into him with a hidden smile.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This wasn't supposed to be domestic at all, yet here we are.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>I just... Mm.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Two minutes of cuddling later, Obi-Wan shifted, whispering, “I’m still wearing my armor.”</p><p>“So am I,” I replied.</p><p>“It’s very uncomfortable.”</p><p>“My knife is <em>in</em> my leg right now.”</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>“Yeah. I tried to move it a minute ago, but I just cut my fingers. And I think I’m bleedin’ on your sheets. Sorry.”</p><p>“No, it’s alright. Here, hold still.” Obi-Wan reached under my hip and adjusted the hunting knife. “Better?”</p><p>“Yeah, you got it. We should probably get up, huh?”</p><p>“I think it would be best, yes.”</p><p>He slipped off the bed, but I just pulled a pillow to my chest to replace him.</p><p>“What if I just didn’t?” I said.</p><p>“I would leave you here to slowly bleed to death, only returning in order to reopen your wounds.”</p><p>“You know, I never thought I’d hear a Jedi take such pleasure in such a deep, <em>dark</em> fantasy.”</p><p>“Yet you seem unsurprised.”</p><p>I yawned, “There’s a sadist in everyone, Obi-Wan Kenobi, even a Jedi Master like you.”</p><p>“A sad thought.”</p><p>“Eh.”</p><p>“Alright, enough of this!” With a truly evil grin, Obi-Wan whipped the blanket off of me, shouting, “Up! Your blood’s going to soak into the mattress!”</p><p>“Obi, <em>noooo…”</em> I whined, covering my head with my pillow.</p><p>Pillow or no, I could hear him chuckle, “You are a stubborn one.”</p><p>For a few seconds, I heard nothing more. Then I felt fingers pull up my shirt and lightly trace their way up my side, careful of any bruises left by their owner in the past two days. Lips soon followed after, making me shiver as I dug my nails into the pillow. Focusing his kisses more and more on my hip, Obi-Wan began slowly loosening my belt. Just when he should have finally finished and gotten on with it already, all touch suddenly disappeared, leaving little ghosts all over my skin.</p><p>I peeked at Obi-Wan with a dark scowl of, “You fuckin’ bastard. You <em>are</em> a sadist.” He raised an eyebrow, and I sat up, sighing, “Dammit, you’re lucky a throbbin’ leg innit my preferred form of masochism.”</p><p>Whipped into the neat mindset of a good soldier years before, I yanked the blanket off the ground and quickly made the bed before starting on my arm guards. Obi-Wan stilled my hands, taking over with a sly smile.</p><p>“Congrats,” I swallowed. “You’ve found my preferred form of masochism.”</p><p>“Having me assist you with your armor is masochism?”</p><p>As he was saying this, he was pulling off my chest armor, very purposely not touching me, and I smirked, “It’s not <em>masochism, </em>but I am allowing this to happen to me. And don’t lie to me, Jedi. You know what you’re doin’. No one’s that innocent.”</p><p>“Well…”</p><p>He smiled up at me from where he was crouching to loosen the leg strap on my holster.</p><p>“I’ll say it again,” I huffed. “You fuckin’ bastard.”</p><p>“Believe it or not, you’re not the first to call me that.”</p><p>“I believe it.”</p><p>“Of course you do. Jacket.”</p><p>Obi-Wan gestured at me, and I handed over my beloved leather, teasing, “What, you couldn’t do that one yourself?”</p><p>Holding my eyes, he stroked his fingers from my elbows to my wrists and tugged my gloves off.</p><p>“I hate you,” I said.</p><p>He smirked, “You don’t.”</p><p>“I do right now.”</p><p>“I think I might be able to live with that. Sit.” He gave me a hard look, and I dropped onto the bed out of sheer surprise. With a small sigh, he inspected my slashed fingers, saying, “This is why I will never understand fingerless gloves.”</p><p>“Hey, they <em>look</em> cool, man. C’mon, there’s gotta be Jedi that wear them, too. Ashoka does.”</p><p>“She’s only a Padawan. My, you’ve cut yourself quite deep. Almost to the bone.”</p><p>“I keep my knives sharp and my wits even sharper.”</p><p>“If your wits are so sharp, why do you keep the blade of your knife uncovered?”</p><p>“Lack of funds?”</p><p>Obi-Wan chuckled lightly as he pulled a med kit out from underneath his bed. It was much larger than any first aid kit one should keep in one’s room, looking much better suited for a battlefield.</p><p>As he sorted through it, I snorted, “Why in the name of the Force did you have that <em>under your bed?” </em></p><p>“In case of emergencies.”</p><p>“What kind of emergencies do you usually have?!”</p><p>“Says the woman who impaled herself just by lying down.”</p><p>“Heeey…”</p><p>He smirked at me, carefully spreading bacta over my cuts. It was soothing and cool, and Obi-Wan’s fingers on mine were comforting and warm. Once he was finished bandaging them, he placed a light kiss on the back of my hand and moved onto my leg. Though the wound really wasn’t all that bad, blood was still trickling from it at a steady pace, forming a little red puddle on the white sheets.</p><p>“I’m gonna need a new pair of pants,” I sighed.</p><p>Obi-Wan chuckled, “You can patch these. <em>I’m</em> going to need new sheets.”</p><p>“Sorry.”</p><p>“It’s alright, Ergo. Just lift your hips.”</p><p>“My hip–” Obi-Wan hooked his fingers on the waist of my pants with a glance up at me and I quietly swallowed, “Oh. Right.” I flopped back, hands behind my head. “Do your worst.” I regretted that when a wet rag was dipped into my wound about five seconds later. “That’s not what I meant!” I screeched.</p><p>“I’m cleaning it.”</p><p>“Just how dirty do you think it <em>is?”</em></p><p>“Come now, it can’t hurt that bad.”</p><p>“It didn’t <em>before.”</em></p><p>Obi-Wan tightly wrapped my thigh, smirking, “You’re being dramatic.”</p><p>“Yeah, man, that’s kinda my thing. Force-sensitive, remember?”</p><p>“You and your commentary.”</p><p>“Yeah, pretty much.”</p><p>Obi-Wan laughed, “Alright, up. I need to change these sheets. Come on.”</p><p>He took both my hands and pulled me off the bed. I used the momentum as an opportunity to throw an arm around his neck and drag him closer. He grabbed my hip to stabilize me.</p><p>I grinned, “You, Obi-Wan Kenobi, are a tease.”</p><p>“I am nothing of the sort,” He insisted. “If you don’t mind, there are fresh sheets in the closet.”</p><p>I stepped away, groaning, “Fiiiine. But this seems beneath us, General.”</p><p>“Once we’ve finished, perhaps they will be.”</p><p>“I knew I liked ya for a reason.”</p><p>I tapped Obi-Wan’s arm with the back of my hand as I passed, making him cock an eyebrow with a clever smile. In the shallow closet, it was easy to find the clean linens stacked in the corner, but something else distracted me from a simple matter of sheets.</p><p>“I didn’t notice these robes before,” I commented, feeling the soft cotton of a dark cloak. “They’re not your height, but you’ve got two. What’s up with that?”</p><p>Obi-Wan peeked in, frowning, “Robes? Ah, yes. Those are–”</p><p>He stopped, and I turned to see his face draining of all color.</p><p>“Obi-Wan?” I asked.</p><p>“They… belonged to my Master, Qui-Gon Jinn.” He laughed sadly, a small, broken sound. “I always– I kept–”</p><p>He took a deep breath, desperately trying to collect himself before he crumbled to pieces. His hands were clenched into fists so tight, had he not been wearing gloves, I would have feared him piercing his palms with his nails. Well, ripped up hands or not, he looked to be in plenty of pain already, all of it coiled up inside him, just waiting to burst free.</p><p>“Obi-Wan…” I grimaced, knowing <em>exactly</em> what he was feeling. “You know you can let go, right? It’s okay to just let go for once.”</p><p>So he did. He took one of the long robes from the closet and clutched it to his chest, sinking down the wall until he was sat on the floor as tears poured down his cheeks. </p><p>Sitting in front of him, I rested a hand on his knee, murmuring, “Say what you need, Obi-Wan. If that isn’t anything at all, that's fine.”</p><p>Obi-Wan took a deep breath and smiled, “I had a tendency to leave my robe behind after battles.” He gave a breathy laugh. “Well, I say had…”</p><p>“Still do?”</p><p>“Not as often, but yes. Qui-Gon, he always said… I got caught up in the fight, causing me to forget something so little as a robe. This…” Obi-Wan stroked the hood. “He– He wore it the day he died. I wore the other.”</p><p>“What happened?”</p><p>Dropping his gaze, Obi-Wan sobbed, “I failed him, and because of me, he was killed. It was all I could do to fulfill his dying wish.”</p><p>“Obi–”</p><p>“But I still worry I’ve failed him in that regard as well. I’m not so sure my training of Anakin was exactly what Qui-Gon imagined.”</p><p>“Wait, you were left with a <em>Padawan</em> to train? Did you even have time to mourn?”</p><p>“Well… There were more important things at hand. Anakin is the Chosen One. He had to be taught.”</p><p>“Obi-Wan, take it from someone who’s lost more than most. There are few things more important than proper mourning. Look at you! This is the consequence of centuries of emotional suppression! He was–” I stopped and stood, shaking my head. “This is no time for my misgivings about the Jedi. What do you need, Obi-Wan?”</p><p>“From you?” He tentatively grabbed my hand. “Just stay.”</p><p>I sat again, saying, “If there’s anything I can do, it’s that.”</p><p> </p><p>After a few minutes, the silence became deafening, and Obi-Wan began to fill it with stories of his Master, impressive tales of adventure and wit from a seemingly perfect Jedi, one Obi-Wan claimed he could only aspire to be like. Hours were spent sitting on that floor, listening to the inspiring acts of Qui-Gon Jinn. The only story not even mentioned was the one ending in Qui-Gon’s death. I didn’t expect it, but I couldn’t help my curiosity. By the time Obi-Wan ran out of tales to tell, I was half-asleep on his shoulder, one hand on his thigh.</p><p>“Ergo?” He whispered, lightly stroking my cheek. “Are you awake?”</p><p>I hummed, “You think I’d actually sleep through your stories? That’d be pretty damn insensitive of me.”</p><p>“Well, it was difficult to tell.”</p><p>“I know, I’m sorry. I <em>was</em> promised a nap.”</p><p>“I’m not sure you were <em>promised</em> one. A bit of cuddling perhaps. And we’re missing lunch.”</p><p>I nuzzled closer, whispering, “I’m not hungry, and I think some cuddles might do you some good.”</p><p>“Yes, you may be right about that. Although we never did actually change the sheets.”</p><p>“Or get rid of your armor.”</p><p>“I think given the circumstances, all is forgiven.”</p><p>“Seems fair. C’mon, then. Off with it, Jedi!”</p><p>Obi-Wan grabbed my wrists before I could start on his armor, laughing, “You’re lively for someone who claims to need a nap. You just deal with the sheets. I’ll put my armor away. Yes?”</p><p>“Whatever gets the job done, m’love.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>That night, Obi-Wan and I both lay awake in bed, as is the consequence of afternoon naps that go on an hour or so longer than you ever meant them to. Obi-Wan had his arms around my middle, his face in my neck. His beard tickled my skin with every breath. I could hear his mind buzzing away, gears grinding loudly at a million miles a second. With a near-silent sigh, I reached back and caressed his cheek.</p><p>“Obi-Wan?” I whispered.</p><p>“Mm.”</p><p>“Your thoughts are noisy.”</p><p>“I can’t help it.”</p><p>“I know. It’s okay.” I brought his hand up to my lips. “I just wish I could tell what was going on in there. I mean, I could, but it would hurt. A lot.”</p><p>“I know it would.”</p><p>“Sorry. I get off-track.”</p><p>“No, I don’t mind. I was thinking about you.”</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>“I’ve just been wondering about your skills. Like the lightning. Why didn’t you use it in any other of our battles?”</p><p>“I knew how to do it. I’d never used it against someone, but I knew how. I just didn’t want to hurt you. I think that was my downfall with you. Sure, I was trying that day, but I know I was holding back. I didn’t need to. You could take it.”</p><p>“Well…” He kissed my neck. “I do understand. I was just curious.”</p><p>“Mm-hm. Anything else floating around in there?”</p><p>“You seem quite well-read. Are you?”</p><p>“I’d say so. It’s hard to get my hands on any Force-related texts, but I’ve done my best. You know I’ve got the Jedi<em> and</em> Sith Codes memorized? Just from analyzing them and their meaning.”</p><p>“Oh?”</p><p>Smirking, I rolled over and pinned Obi-Wan down, my hands resting on his bare stomach. It was dark, but I could see him watching me in the dim light from the window.</p><p>“‘There is no emotion, there is peace,’” I recited, tracing a finger down Obi-Wan’s sternum. He twitched underneath my touch. “‘There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. There is no passion, there is serenity.’” I kissed his collarbone. “‘There is no chaos, there is harmony. There is no death, there is the Force.’” As I finished, the Force thrummed, rippling the air around me. “Those words are a thousand debates just waiting to happen. But then there’s the Sith.”</p><p>“Do you really know it?”</p><p>“Of course. I would never give more devotion to one philosophy just because another is taboo. That’s not how we learn.”</p><p>“Tell me then. What is the Sith Code?”</p><p>“As if you don’t know it, Master Jedi, but alright. The Code of the Sith, or if you so prefer, Qotsisajak: ‘Peace is a <em>lie.’”</em> I suddenly dug my nails into Obi-Wan’s skin, and he gasped sharply, grabbing my wrists. “‘There is only <em>passion.’”</em> Though Obi-Wan’s grip on me was painfully tight, I pushed my nails even deeper. “‘Through passion, I gain <em>strength.</em> Through strength–” I dragged my fingers down his pecs, making his breath quicken. “–I gain <em>power.’” </em>I wrenched my wrists from his grasp, taking hold of his in turn. “‘Through power,’” I hissed into his ear as I slowly brought his arms above his head, “‘I gain <em>victory.’”</em> Obi-Wan gasped and panted, each breath growing more desperate. “‘Through victory, my chains are broken.’” I released Obi-Wan’s wrists in order to ghost my fingers across his chest, pressing light kisses on the angry, red scratches I’d left. There was one last line of the Sith Code left, this one quiet and calm, more of a cozy hearth than the raging fires of a Sith Lord’s pain. <em>“‘The Force shall set me free.”</em></p><p>Again, the Force stirred around me, and again, I didn’t mention it to Obi-Wan. He was staring up at me, still trying to catch his breath. I could see his mind churning behind blue eyes, and I laughed quietly.</p><p>“Are you okay?” I asked. “That was maybe a bit much.”</p><p>“No… That was <em>beautiful.”</em></p><p>“Really? I drew blood.”</p><p>“I know. I feel it. But that… Something about that was just… extraordinary.”</p><p>“Thank you, I guess.”</p><p>I could see a thought come to him as clear as day as he turned me onto the mattress, looming above me.</p><p>“Tell me,” He said, pulling up my shirt to place a light kiss on my stomach, “What do you know of the Gray Jedi?”</p><p>“The Gray?”</p><p>“Yes. The Gray. I’m interested to hear your opinion.”</p><p>“The Gray…” I combed my fingers through Obi-Wan’s hair as I thought, and when I looked down at him, I found him watching me expectantly through his eyelashes, something unreadable burning in his eyes. “I don’t know as much as I’d like. They’re a mysterious bunch.”</p><p>“Mm, yes… Do you know their code?”</p><p>“I know many different codes and mantras associated with the Gray Jedi. I wasn’t aware they believed in only one.”</p><p>“You know them just a well as the others?”</p><p>“To the best of my ability, yes. Like I said, I devote myself not only to the school of thought most widely accepted, but to those looked down upon as too dangerous to go on.”</p><p>“And?”</p><p>“Fine. The first I know…</p><p>            ‘There must be both Dark and Light. </p><p>            I will do what I must to keep the Balance, as the Balance is what holds all life. </p><p>            There is no good without evil, but evil must not be allowed to flourish. </p><p>            There is passion, yet peace; </p><p>            Serenity, yet emotion; </p><p>            Chaos yet order. </p><p>            I am the wielder of the flame; a champion of Balance. </p><p>            I am a guardian of life. </p><p>            I am a Gray Jedi.’”</p><p>“And there are others?”</p><p>“From what I know of history, that was the very first draft, before there was any code formally written. The one I believe you're referring to is the one I found in more official texts. </p><p>            ‘Flowing through all, there is Balance. </p><p>            There is no peace without a passion to create. </p><p>            There is no passion without peace to guide. </p><p>            Knowledge fades without the strength to act.</p><p>            Power blinds without the serenity to see.</p><p>            There is freedom in life.</p><p>            There is purpose in death.</p><p>            I will do what I must to guard the Balance.</p><p>            For the Force is all things and I am the Force.’”</p><p>Obi nodded, “Yes, I believe that’s the one I’ve heard.”</p><p>“There’s another one I know. It’s really just an abbreviated version, but I think it still holds as much meaning.”</p><p>Obi-Wan nuzzled just above the inside of my hip and murmured, “Please. Tell me.”</p><p>“‘There is no Light without the Dark.’” I held my hands in front of my face, blue lightning crackling on my fingers as I let go of my unneeded energy. “‘Through passion, I gain focus.’” Obi-Wan slid his hands inside my shirt and splayed his hands across my ribs. “‘Through knowledge, I gain power.’” His hands were cold that night, every imperfection of his skin clear against mine. “‘Through serenity, I gain strength.” Obi-Wan was beginning to sink his nails into my ribs, perhaps a bit of revenge, but he was so much gentler than me. “‘Through victory, I gain harmony. There is only the Force.’”</p><p>Obi-Wan stroked his thumbs along my hip bones, whispering, “And?”</p><p>“Well, there’s one more. I just don’t know who it came from. I… I don’t even know where I <em>heard </em>it.”</p><p>“What is it?”</p><p>“It’s been a while, but it’s…</p><p>            ‘Emotion, yet peace.</p><p>            Ignorance, yet knowledge.</p><p>            Passion, yet serenity.</p><p>            Chaos, yet harmony.</p><p>            Death, yet the Force.’”</p><p>“I know it well. Younglings recite it during the Initiate Trials.”</p><p>“Do they?”</p><p>“Yes. I remember it from my own Trials.”</p><p>“Hm. It doesn’t seem fitting for the Jedi. Maybe you’ve kept more of your old ways than I give you credit for.”</p><p>“Perhaps. Your thoughts?”</p><p>“On the Codes?”</p><p>“Yes, I’d like to hear.”</p><p>“Alright… I think… Well, it seems to me the Gray Jedi are the one who truly understand the nature of the Force.”</p><p>“In what way?”</p><p>“It’s fluid, not one thing or the other. No real Light, no real Dark. Just Balance. Just… the Force.” For a third time, the Force hummed in my ear, and this time, I breathed, “Do you hear that, Obi-Wan?”</p><p>“What is it?”</p><p>“The Force. It’s pleased.”</p><p>“How do you know?”</p><p>“The same way anyone does. It wants me to. It likes being known. If it didn’t, do you really think there’d be any Force-sensitives?”</p><p>“I’m afraid you’ve lost me.”</p><p>“Yeah… I think my way with the Force is… abnormal. It’s too hard to explain.”</p><p>“You don’t need to. Your way is your way. However…”</p><p>“I have a bad feeling about this.”</p><p>“I wish to take you to the Temple.”</p><p>“The <em>Jedi Temple?”</em> I sat up, shoving Obi-Wan away. “What, would you have me killed on sight?”</p><p>“They wouldn’t perceive you as a threat–”</p><p>“All they do is perceive things as threats! Certainly, an unknown Force-sensitive without bonds is no different!”</p><p>“I would <em>protect </em>you, Ergo. Even from the Jedi.”</p><p>“Please, you’ve known me little more than three days. Why would you even <em>want </em>me there? All I am is a disturbance.”</p><p>“You are <em>much</em> more than that. I believe the Jedi might benefit from your teachings, and you from theirs.” Obi-Wan put his hands on my shoulders, saying, “I won’t let any harm come to you, Ergo. No matter what. I just want to at least <em>try.”</em></p><p>I took Obi-Wan’s face in my hands, and in an uncharacteristically serious tone, asked, “If I needed it, you would protect me?”</p><p>“I would.”</p><p>“From anything?”</p><p>“Anything.”</p><p>“Anyone?”</p><p>“Anyone.”</p><p>“Even the Jedi, your kin?”</p><p>“I swear.”</p><p>“And if <em>I </em>fought? If I <em>killed?”</em></p><p>“I would understand. It’s your life, it–”</p><p>“But Obi-Wan…” I kissed his shoulder and rested my forehead on the same spot. “Would you forgive me?”</p><p>“I…” His hands found their way to the small of my back as he drew me to him. “What you ask is difficult, Ergo.” </p><p>“But?”</p><p>“But I would.”</p><p>Tears welling up out of nowhere, I quietly wept, “But what if– What if you knew–”</p><p>“Shh…” Obi-Wan soothed, gently kissing my temple.</p><p>“What if I’ve already–”</p><p><em>“Shh,</em> Ergo. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter.”</p><p>He kissed my tears away with an open mouth, trailing his way down my neck until forced to pull off my shirt to continue his path down my body. I shivered and squirmed under him, and a chorus of gasps and moans filled the air. At some point, our minds were so close together, I couldn’t tell whose voice was whose, couldn’t see the border between us, and just beneath it all, I could hear the Force singing.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Soooo... the Sith Code, huh?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>It's ghosty time.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The morning did <em>not</em> come gently. No, consciousness slapped me over the head when I was dragged away from a fairly pleasant dream by the distinct feeling of being watched. When <em>I</em> get a feeling like that, I’m almost never wrong. There was a tall figure standing at the foot of the bed, and before I could notice anything off about him, I had already called my gun to my hand and shot him in the head. Except the slugs went right through him, embedding themselves in the wall. </p><p>Obi-Wan lurched up beside me, his lightsaber glowing in his hand, and muttered, “What is it?”</p><p>I had no words.</p><p>“Interesting weapon,” The man at the foot of the bed commented. “A slugthrower, yes?”</p><p>Jaw clenched, I summoned my lightsabers, extended them behind me, and launched myself at the man with a roar. It didn’t go well. Just like the slugs, I went right through the man, rolling back onto my feet as I hit the floor.</p><p>“Who are you?” I demanded, pointing with one saber. <em>“What</em> are you?”</p><p>Obi-Wan said, “Ergo, I don’t see anything. What is it?”</p><p>“Ergo…” The man smiled. “So you’re the one who’s managed to work her way past my Padawan’s armor. Well done, you.”</p><p>“Pada… You’re <em>dead.”</em></p><p>“Unfortunately.”</p><p>“Qui-Gon Jinn…”</p><p>At the same time Obi-Wan gaped, <em>“What?”</em> Qui-Gon mused, “I’m not sure you realize this, but you are currently nude, and you have an impressive set of hickies. Quite a masterpiece, Obi-Wan.”</p><p>“Shut up, <em>both</em> of you!” I struck out blindly, leaving a burning gash in the wall. “I’m going for a fucking walk!”</p><p>I yanked on my shirt and my ripped pants, and stormed out, only carrying my sabers as a means of protection. It was still early, the sun only visible between the skyscrapers of the Coruscant. It was that tranquil little spell of time when the night life had gone home and those who roamed the city during the day were still sleeping. I could close my eyes and turn my face to the warmth of the sun without being jostled, without a thousand sounds breaking my peace. Just me, the skyscrapers, and the morning light. But then I sensed a presence next to me.</p><p>“You followed me,” I said to Qui-Gon, not needing to look to know he was there.</p><p>He replied with a simple, “Yes.”</p><p>“Of course you did. Okay, hold on.” I tucked my lightsabers into the waistband of my pants in order to scale the side of a building. Once perched on the edge of the roof, I frowned, “I thought the dead just disappeared into the cosmic force. I’ve read about spirits, but it was just... legends.”</p><p>“Before I died, that was my understanding. Now I’ve found I can manifest. But I don’t think I had form until you saw me. I hoped you might know why your presence brought me further into the physical world. No ideas?”</p><p>“Well… I dunno. I’ve always been strangely good with the dead. I don’t know why. That’s just the way it is. But all that was just voices.”</p><p>“Interesting.”</p><p>“You seem… unbothered to have found me in bed with your Padawan.”</p><p>“All I want is Obi-Wan’s happiness. He deserves as much.”</p><p>“Yeah, he does. I should get back. He’s probably worried.”</p><p>“Ergo.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“I’m glad he has you.”</p><p>“Again, it’s been <em>three </em>days.”</p><p>“Yes. Go get him.”</p><p>“I’m gonna get emotionally attached to you, ain’t I?”</p><p>“I can’t predict the future.”</p><p>“Yeah, well– No, you <em>can, </em>you ass! All of us can with enough concentration.”</p><p>“I was only making a joke.”</p><p>“I <em>know,</em> that’s what I hated about it! I am too sober for witty <em>ghosts,</em> Qui-Gon!”</p><p>“That’s concerning.”</p><p>“You think I don’t know that? Of course I do!”</p><p>“You should go back to the base, Ergo.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“I just think it would be best. Do you have anywhere better?”</p><p>“You know what? I might. C’mon, Qui-Gon. You’ll see.”</p><p>I flashed the ghost a half-smile before dropping from the roof, hitting the ground without the slightest stumble. The walk back to the Republic base showed me I really hadn’t gotten all that far in the first place, but I’d been gone long enough that Obi-Wan was just out front, fully clothed and pacing back and forth with a certain ferocity in every footfall. He swept me right off my feet when I reached him, burying his face in my shoulder with deep breath.</p><p>“Uh, hi,” I said bashfully.</p><p>Still holding me off the ground with an arm around my waist, he smiled, “Sorry.”</p><p>“Were you really this worried about me? I was only gone a few minutes.”</p><p>“Blast it, of course I was worried! I didn’t know if you were even coming back!”</p><p>“Well, you got all the way out here. Why didn’t you just chase after me?”</p><p>“I was… deliberating.”</p><p>“Oh, little soldier. Of course you were.”</p><p>I fondly stroked Obi-Wan’s cheek, and from where he was standing a few feet away, Qui-Gon calmly warned, “Ergo, you might want to–”</p><p>“Obi-Wan?!”</p><p>“–Oh, too late. How unfortunate.”</p><p>Anakin was walking up to us with a knowing smirk, and Obi-Wan quickly dropped me, making me land in that funny way that makes your feet hurt a bit more than they should from such a short fall.</p><p>“Agh, fuck’s sake!” I shouted, clutching one foot.</p><p>“Are you alright?” Obi-Wan laughed.</p><p>“Fine, fine. Anakin–” I cleared my throat and stood normally. “You’re up early.”</p><p>Anakin snorted, “Yeah, so are you. What are you two up to?”</p><p>“I could ask the same.”</p><p>“Sure. I was on a run.”</p><p>“What, in full robes? Seems uncomfortable, kid.”</p><p>“It’s realistic.”</p><p>“Ah, clever boy. I like you.”</p><p>“So. What are you doing out here?”</p><p>“Uhh… Well, I was actually out on a walk. Like, that’s what <em>actually</em> just happened. Now, Obi-Wan? I ain’t about to make up an excuse on his behalf. Afterall, it’s only been three days.”</p><p>I could practically feel the smugness radiating off of Qui-Gon. Not that I knew what he had to be smug about. Jedi.</p><p>Obi-Wan had yet to find the right words to diffuse the situation, so I wearily suggested, “Alright, Anakin, I think it’ll be best for all of us if I don’t ask where you’ve <em>really</em> been and you stay out of our business. Sound good, man?”</p><p>“Sure,” Anakin shrugged. “I can work with that.”</p><p>“Great! Uh, Obi-Wan, the Temple?”</p><p>Obi-Wan grinned, “Ah, yes! I’m pleased you still want to go. Although, you may want to put on your boots first. It is a walk.”</p><p>“You underestimate the thickness of my soles. But yeah, I could go for some shoes. And the rest of my stuff. One place I don’t want to be caught light on arms is a place chock full of Jedi. Know what I mean?”</p><p>“I most certainly do not.”</p><p>“Yeah, you do. C’mon, Obi-Wan. Let’s go get my knives.”</p><p> </p><p>Though the sheer concentration of Force-wielders assaulted my delicate senses more and more the closer we got to it, even I could appreciate the beauty of the Jedi Temple. After all, all temples, no matter who they’re for, celebrate beauty in some way. This one was a simple yet elegant ziggurat, worthy of any god one might worship.</p><p>“Nice place ya got here,” I said to Obi-Wan. Then I felt a stabbing pain behind my eye, and I bit my tongue to choke back a groan, producing a strangled sound somewhat like, “Angh!”</p><p>Obi-Wan frowned, “Are you alright?”</p><p>“I’ve got a headache,” I moaned, Qui-Gon swallowing, “She’s got a headache,” only seconds behind. </p><p>Out of the corner of my eye, I could see him rubbing his temples as if he were the one with a pounding in his head.</p><p>I growled, “You’d do well to <em>shut</em> it, Jedi.”</p><p>“I’m sorry?” Obi-Wan replied.</p><p>“Not you, not you. Ugh, fuck! There’s too much… Forceiness here! I’ve never had to deal with it all in one place like this!”</p><p>“Ergo–”</p><p>“No! This was a <em>mistake, </em>dammit!”</p><p>I collapsed into a crouch, clawing at my head with a shrill scream.</p><p>“Ergo, <em>Ergo.”</em> Obi-Wan lowered himself in front of me. “You have to calm yourself. You won’t be able to get through this if you’re this unfocused.”</p><p>“I don’t know <em>how!”</em></p><p>“It’s all about balance, remember?”</p><p>“Balance…” Obi-Wan took my hands as he listened. “I need… I need… quiet. Gods above, I’m gonna barf…”</p><p>“No, hold on.” He swept his cloak off his shoulders and wrapped it around me, pulling the hood over my head. “Better?”</p><p>I gasped as I was plunged into darkness. It wasn’t just cloth over my head. It was cool and deep, and most of all, it was <em>quiet.</em> Everything melted away. Everything but Obi-Wan, his thumb gently caressing my cheek. Well, and Qui-Gon, lurking somewhere in the background. Couldn’t get rid of his dead ass if I tried, apparently.</p><p>“Better,” I breathed. <em>“So</em> much better.” I fell against his chest, sighing, “Oh, god… I can’t believe I thought these hoods didn’t serve a purpose. It’s like… being at the bottom of a pool in the best way possible.”</p><p>“Peaceful, hm?”</p><p>“I could stay like this for hours upon <em>hours.”</em></p><p>“Some do. I never was a fan of meditation, even if I have a talent for it.” Qui-Gon snickered quietly at this. “It’s one of my downfalls as a Jedi.”</p><p>“Nah.”</p><p>“Come on, Ergo. We ought to move before someone comes out to investigate us.”</p><p>“I know.” We both stood, but before Obi-Wan could start for the Temple again, I quietly smiled, “Wait. Hold still.”</p><p>I bunched the cloak in my hands and enveloped Obi-Wan in it, kissing him as the billowing cloak settled around us.</p><p>Obi-Wan couldn’t contain a light laugh and he hid his grin in my neck, saying, “You child.”</p><p>“You love it.”</p><p>“Oh, I do. I truly do. You’re fantastically refreshing, Ergora Saxon.”</p><p>Obi-Wan lifted me by my waist, happily spun around, and placed a quick kiss on my lips before leading me into the temple. I know I was beaming like an infatuated idiot by the way everyone lit up as we passed. I was so caught up in the wave of pure happy chemicals washing over my brain, I completely forgot to be nervous about walking through a potential death trap. I was just fine right up till we were outside the High Council chamber.</p><p>“Wow, okay,” I swallowed. “I’m here right now. The Jedi High Council.”</p><p>Obi-Wan nodded, “I know.”</p><p>“Not gonna lie, I’m terrified. I trust you, I do, just… wow.”</p><p>Obi-Wan touched my shoulder, the restraint in the action painful.</p><p>“Ready?” He asked.</p><p>I took a deep breath and released it slowly, saying, “Nope. Let’s do this.”</p><p>With a proud little smirk, Obi-Wan opened the door and we dramatically strolled into the chamber. Well, it would’ve been more dramatic if there had been more than one Council member inside. He didn’t even look at us at first, clearly in his own head.</p><p>Hands held politely behind his back, Obi-Wan greeted, “Master Yoda.”</p><p>“Brought a non-Jedi, you have,” The diminutive alien commented. When he looked at us, he slowly closed his eyes in concentration before saying to me, “Something following you, there is, young one.”</p><p>“Yes, Master,” I said, lowering my hood out of respect. My eye twitched needles of Force pierced my brain again – though not nearly as severely as before – and I elaborated, “Qui-Gon Jinn.” Obi-Wan stiffened. “He was there when I woke up. Neither of us have much of an idea why. It doesn’t make sense, but he’s <em>here.</em> I– Obi-Wan, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. You deserved to know. I just… didn’t… know… how…”</p><p>“It’s alright,” Obi-Wan decided. “I understand. Is he… still there?”</p><p>“Yeah. He’s been quiet.” I looked at the ghost next to me, frowning, “Uhh, Qui-Gon? Ya got… I dunno, somethin’ to say? Not that I appreciate being your medium, but this is where we’re at right now.”</p><p>Qui-Gon replied, “I’m putting a lot of consideration into the many things that I have to say.”</p><p>“Well, Obi had to get it from someone, I guess.”</p><p>Qui-Gon let out a warm chuckle, gazing fondly at his former apprentice.</p><p>“He’s thinking,” I explained bemusedly. “But also… Hold on.” I tugged one glove off with my teeth and turned to face Obi-Wan, thinking hard about what I was about to do. “He’s… this.” </p><p>By cupping Obi-Wan’s cheek with my bare hand, I transferred all the emotions I found in Qui-Gon’s eyes when he looked at his Padawan. I could <em>feel</em> the relief rush through Obi-Wan, even more than I could see it on his face. Both he and Qui-Gon just sighed, “Thank you.” It was a struggle not to hug him. Both of them, really.</p><p>“So,” I said, clearing my throat, “What now?”</p><p>Yoda answered, “Call the Council, we must. Explain why you are here, you will.”</p><p>“I’m… afraid there’s not all that much to explain, Master Yoda.”</p><p>“The truth, all we need is.”</p><p>“Right. The truth.”</p><p>From the way he was smiling at me, I got the sense Yoda knew the truth was more complicated than I was willing to let on.</p><p>“Stay here, you will,” He ordered. “Gather the Council, I will. Think about your statement, you should, young one.” Yoda dropped from his seat and walked to the door. Just before he left, he turned to me with a wise flame burning in his eyes. “Good luck,” He said. “Need it, you may.” And with that, he was gone.</p><p>Obi-Wan and I stared at each other, each of us with our brows turned up in concern.</p><p>“You don’t think he knows, do you?” I asked, biting my lip.</p><p>Obi-Wan replied, “How could he? No one does.”</p><p>“Anakin must.”</p><p>“Yes…” Obi-Wan stroked his beard and slowly sat in one of the chairs surrounding us, Qui-Gon and I both watching him. “He would never tell.”</p><p>“How can you be sure?”</p><p>“I believe Anakin is in a similar predicament himself.”</p><p>“Obi-Wan has his suspicions,” Qui-Gon added, “But I know. Not long ago, young Anakin took a wife.”</p><p>“Man, if people knew…”</p><p>“They would both be shunned. She’s a senator in the Republic.”</p><p>“I see. You’re right, then, Obi-Wan. He won’t talk.”</p><p>Obi-Wan frowned, “This is going to take some getting used to.”</p><p>“What?” Qui-Gon gave me a look. “Oh. Yeah. I know. It’s strange for me, too.”</p><p>“It’s alright. We’ll find our way. For now, we ought to focus on what you’re going to tell the Council.”</p><p>“Yeah. Just one question.”</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“There are cameras in here, aren’t there?”</p><p>“There are, yes. Nothing has been said, Ergo. We’re alright.”</p><p>“I know, I know. But perhaps what <em>has</em> been said could be enough to… implicate.”</p><p>“Do you believe the Council is spying on us? Do you believe they have before?”</p><p>“Obi-Wan, stop reminding me you’re a member. I wasn’t saying anything of the sort. I was simply suggesting if there were ever a reason to review this footage, it might be incriminating.”</p><p>“Then let’s not give them reason to review it.”</p><p>“Agreed.”</p><p>“So what are you going to tell them?”</p><p>“I guess… just everything else. But what if they know I’m lying?”</p><p>“I’m confident in your abilities.”</p><p>“As a liar?”</p><p>“No. Well– Yes, actually. But in your resilience, your strength. I think you could resist the prodding of even the Masters.”</p><p>“Yeah, maybe…”</p><p>Qui-Gon came up just behind me, saying, “Ergora, you defeated two powerful Knights when you were just fif–”</p><p><em>“Don’t.” </em>I rounded on him with a feral sneer. “How the hell do you even <em>know</em> about that?”</p><p>“You’re not just the only person who can see me. We have a connection for some reason. I’ve caught a few things from you. Scraps of…”</p><p>“Stay <em>out</em> of my memories, Jedi. I <em>will</em> find a way to be rid of you if I feel the need.”</p><p>“You must control this anger when you face the Council, Ergo. If they see that and the power within you, they will view you as a threat. And the Jedi are not gentle with threats.”</p><p>“Yeah, I didn’t want to come here for a <em>reason.”</em></p><p>“Calm yourself, Ergora.”</p><p>“I don’t <em>do</em> calm, Qui-Gon.”</p><p>“Yes, I’ve noticed. Luckily for you, we still have time before the Council arrives.” </p><p>He sat cross-legged on the floor and patted the spot next to him with a smile. I rolled my eyes but complied, taking a seat by his side.</p><p>“Now,” He said gently, “Put up your hood.”</p><p>“I don’t medi–”</p><p>“Ah– <em>Quiet,</em> child<em>.</em> Listen to me. It would do you some good.”</p><p>
  <em>“Fiiiine.”</em>
</p><p>“Put up your hood, young one.” Scowling, I complied. “Good. Close your eyes. And <em>breathe.”</em></p><p>From that moment on, I was completely unaware of anything other than the peace blooming in my mind, least of which the passage of time. Obi-Wan had to walk up to me and grab my shoulders to bring me back into the moment. I blinked and lowered my hood to find the seats around me filled, some by people, others by holograms. I stood slowly, thanking Qui-Gon as I gathered my wits.</p><p>“Obi-Wan,” I said quietly, slipping out of his cloak. “Do you mind?”</p><p>Obi-Wan graciously took the cloak from my hands before returning to his seat.</p><p>“Thank you,” I whispered with a smile.</p><p>I took a deep breath and with a glance back at Qui-Gon, began.</p><p>“Council members. Thank you for allowing me here today. I’ve come to the Jedi Temple in order to seek your knowledge and experience. I’ve known I was Force-Sensitive for much of my life, and I am skilled, but my lack of training hinders me. Before a few days ago, I didn’t think I would ever be able to seek training from anyone other than the Sith, a path I’d prefer not to take, as I know it’s dangers. Then I met Obi-Wan. He was willing to give me a chance. I’m hoping you might extend the favor. Before you make any decision, you must know I have <em>no</em> intention of becoming a Jedi. While I have appreciation for your ways, I refuse to follow any single philosophy. I wish to learn all aspects of the Force because I believe they’re all just as important as any other, and just as dangerous as any other. If you refuse to have me here because of that, I understand, and I will leave. But know I am no threat to you. Could I be if the situation called for it? Yes. Understand this: You do not want to make an enemy of me. I may be untrained, but I can do more damage than anyone expects. Thank you for your time. I eagerly await your decision.”</p><p>I respectfully tipped my head and left the chamber, Qui-Gon following close behind.</p><p>“So?” I whispered once the door closed behind us. “What happens now?”</p><p>Qui-Gon sighed, “Simple. They vote.”</p><p>“Yeah. Simple.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>As much as I want to, we will not be playing guess that Force ghost in this work. Sorry. Not enough dead people yet.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>I think we should take this time to consider all the characters who are going to be murdered in the future. Okay. Now read about younglings.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was three hours of sitting tense against a cold wall before I was called back into the Council chamber. I strolled in with a yawn and a stretch of my arms, quite in need of a good cup of caff.</p><p>“Decision made?” I inquired, forgetting my respect.</p><p>Obi-Wan smiled, “Yes. Have a seat, Ergo.”</p><p>I scratched lightly at my palms, sitting in one of the empty seats facing the Council members.</p><p>“So?” I said, “Am I in, or am I out? No suspense if you don’t mind.”</p><p>One of the members, a Kel Dor man, replied with a dip of his head, “You may have access to the Temple and any teachings you wish, including the Jedi Archives.”</p><p>“As long,” Another added sternly, “As you are under proper supervision while you are here.”</p><p>Master Yoda nodded, “Abide by our rules, you shall.”</p><p>“With all due respect,” I scoffed, “I’ve already explained that it goes against my principles to follow the Jedi Code.”</p><p>“Abide the Code, you will not. Abide our <em>laws,</em> you must. Of the Republic and the Jedi.”</p><p>“I see. As long as we all understand the difference. Yes?”</p><p>A proud spark in his eye, Obi-Wan assured, “We do understand, Ergo. We are aware we cannot force you to follow our traditions or philosophies. As you are not a member of our order and are not becoming one, we do not have the right.”</p><p>“Correct. Alright, then. Anything else?”</p><p>The second Jedi, the stern one, leaned forward in his chair, explaining with a cold severity, “While we agree with Master Kenobi that you may have some valuable input in what we teach and our actions, you will <em>not</em> expose any Force-wielders – members of the Order or otherwise – to any practices of the Dark Side or <em>any</em> techniques forbidden by this Council. You may claim to ally yourself with all aspects of the Force, but that is a balance we Jedi do not play with. You will not encourage it in others.”</p><p>“But–” I leaped to my feet. “Balance is exactly what I have to teach!”</p><p>Very calmly, the first Master reiterated, “If you wish to interact with our faction, you must abide by these terms. It is the only way.”</p><p>“I–” I unclenched my fists. “Obi-Wan? What do you think?”</p><p>“If you want this,” He replied, “This is the way to get it. I think you’ll find it’s worth it.”</p><p>“Well, I respect your opinion more than any other here. Uh, no offense to the rest of you. I just know him.” I awkwardly shuffled my feet. “But I want to know all of you. Now that we’re done with all the official stuff, how ‘bout some properly improper introductions?”</p><p>“Ergo, what are you–”</p><p>“Relax, Obi. I can only do so much damage.” He didn’t look reassured. “As you know, Ergo Saxon, sorta at your service. Warrior, sometimes mercenary, sometimes smuggler, ordinary dock worker, technically a Man– Well, that doesn’t matter. Nice to meet ya. I’d ask your names, but that kinda seems like a lot. I’m sure I’ll pick it up after a while. So, what now? Tour time?”</p><p>“I would be honored–”</p><p>“No, no, no, no, no. Obs, ya give a great tour, but this a perfect opportunity for me to get a read on someone else. I mean, you can come, man, buuut… Who wants to volunteer as my tour guide?”</p><p>The stern Master scowled, “You ought to display more respect, Saxon.”</p><p>“Eh. Wasn’t in the terms, Master…?”</p><p>“Windu.”</p><p>“Respect wasn’t in the terms, Master Windu. Shoulda thought of that. Shame you can’t volunteer, huh?”</p><p>“Such a shame.”</p><p>“Maybe you’d be able to keep me in line. If only you weren’t off fighting a hopeless war. Anyone else got something to say? Perhaps a <em>volunteer?”</em></p><p>“I will show our guest the Temple,” The Kel Dor said.</p><p>“Thank you. And your name?”</p><p>“Plo Koon. You may call me Master Plo, young one. If you wish.”</p><p>“Yeah, we’ll see. Let’s go.”</p><p>Though his species doesn’t have the ability to smile, I had the feeling Plo Koon would’ve if he could. He stood with his clawed fingers interlocked and led Obi-Wan and I from the chamber.</p><p>As we made our way down the corridor, I commented, “You wear wolves, Plo.”</p><p>Plo glanced down at the backs of his hands, where wolf heads were painted on his armor.</p><p>“I do.” He replied.</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“My clone battalion, the 104th, is commonly known as the Wolf Pack and has wolves painted on their helmets. I wear the same symbol to honor them.”</p><p>I gave a breathy laugh, saying, “That doesn’t sound like the appropriate relationship between a Jedi and his troops. I respect that.”</p><p>“There are some who believe the care I hold for those under my command is a great weakness. I see it as one of my greatest strengths. If it were not for the bonds between all of us, I doubt the Wolf Pack would fight half as well.”</p><p>“Again. I respect that, General.”</p><p>“Might I ask why the wolf caught your eye?”</p><p>“There was someone important to me who had a similar symbol on his armor. It means something to me.”</p><p>“Tell me, who was this man?”</p><p>“Well, not that it’s any of your business, but he was as a father to me, and to many an extent, if it were not for him, I wouldn’t be half the woman I am today. That’s all you need to know for now.”</p><p>“Of course. I respect your right to privacy.”</p><p>“Thank you, Master. I know some in your faction might not be as accommodating.”</p><p>“I’m sorry to say you may be right. However, from what little I’ve gleaned from you, I believe you’ll be more than able to defend yourself.”</p><p>“Man, I like you. You’re a lot like that man.”</p><p>Obi-Wan interjected, “One day, you must tell me about him. I’m simply prickling with curiosity.”</p><p>“‘Prickling?’” I put my hand on his shoulder with a laugh. “We’ll see, Obi-Wan. It’s not an easy story. It’s… difficult on a lot of levels.”</p><p>“Well, you know I won’t push.”</p><p>“I do, and I love you ever more for it.”</p><p>“You what?”</p><p>“Huh? Oh, c’mon, don’t read into things, man.”</p><p>Before Obi-Wan could make some teasing little joke at my expense, a youngling came rushing past us, knocking into me and tumbling to the ground.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Master!” He gasped hastily, snatching up his datapad, “I didn’t mean to– Wait, who are <em>you?”</em></p><p>Plo chuckled, “Slow down, little one, and ask again.”</p><p>“Y– Yes, Master Plo.” The youngling clutched his datapad to his chest and looked up at me. “My apologies for running into you. I don’t recognize you. If I may, who are you?”</p><p>I crouched down to his eye level, smiling, “Ergo Saxon. I’m new. And…” I held up a fistful of lightning. “I’m a little bit different. You won’t tell, will you, little one?”</p><p>The youngling shook his head, watching me with wonder.</p><p>“Good.” I stood and crossed my arms. “Run along, then. I’m sure you’ve got things to do. Lessons to get to?”</p><p>Grinning, the boy scampered away.</p><p>“You take well to younglings,” Plo mused. “That will be a great advantage to you here, especially if you plan to teach.”</p><p>I sighed, “Yeah… That’s just the thing. I don’t really know what I plan on doing here. I’m just kinda rollin’ with the punches.</p><p>“I <em>was</em> hoping you might teach,” Obi-Wan said. We came upon a room of younglings studying together. “I think they would benefit.”</p><p>“I know. But <em>my</em> teachings… I’m not sure I can warp them in a way that prevents exposure to the ways of the Dark Side.”</p><p>“I’m sure you could find a way.”</p><p>“I appreciate your faith, Obi-Wan, but that Windu guy made it sound like I’m not even supposed to teach <em>balance.</em> That’s kinda my whole shtick.”</p><p>“Mace Windu has trouble trusting new people. You mustn't let it get to you.”</p><p>“I understand caution, but this is simply unfounded.”</p><p>“Yet it has saved lives.”</p><p>“I’m sure it has. But I also wouldn’t be surprised if some lives were lost because of it. Trust is delicate. Like all things, it must be kept in <em>balance.</em> Without balance, we’re all as good as dead.”</p><p>“This is exactly why I brought you here to teach.” Obi-Wan grabbed my shoulders to force me to face him. “You have a way with words, Ergo, in all topics, not only those that people see fit. You say what needs to be said.”</p><p>“Ugh, Obi-Wan…” I jerked out of his grasp. “Save it. This isn’t the time. Master Plo, I’m sorry. We’ve gotten quite off track. Please, let’s continue with the tour.”</p><p>Clearly frustrated, Obi-Wan huffed, “I’m sorry to say I can’t join you,” and slipped away without so much as a real farewell. Qui-Gon tried to put a hand on my shoulder to comfort me, but I couldn’t feel it, and I shrugged it off anyway.</p><p>“I’m fine,” I insisted. “I knew this would probably be difficult. I don’t understand why he wants me here. The risks… It’s foolhardy, isn’t it?”</p><p>Qui-Gon gently sighed, “Yes, you could say that. And Obi-Wan is no kind of foolhardy. You have quite the effect on the man.”</p><p>“Hm. I gotta figure out how to make this work. For both our sakes.”</p><p>“Mmm… Yes. Well, I believe in you.”</p><p>“Thank you, Qui-Gon. I know I’ve been a little snippy, but I’m glad you’re here.”</p><p>“I wouldn’t rather be anywhere else. Though I do think I might see where Obi-Wan’s got to.”</p><p>“Understood. I– I really hope we figure out a way for you two to communicate. You both could use it.”</p><p>“Thank you, Ergo.”</p><p>This time, when he touched my arm, I felt it, but he was gone before I could say anything. I rubbed the spot on my arm, jumping when Plo asked, “Are you alright, Ergora?”</p><p>“What? Uh, yeah, sorry. Qui-Gon – I assume you were informed of his presence – I felt his touch. I didn’t know that was possible… Then again, I didn’t know <em>any</em> of this was possible. It doesn’t matter, I just… Obi-Wan…”</p><p>“Your relationship with Master Kenobi–”</p><p>“Uh, that’s– that’s–”</p><p>“I understand. Emotional attachment is difficult to avoid. You’ve heard how close I am to my troops. If you don’t wish to disclose the truth, then that is your right.”</p><p>“You’re a good man, Plo Koon. It’s a shame not all Jedi are like you.”</p><p>“If all Jedi were like me, I think the galaxy might fall apart. Individuality is important, Ergora. Without individuality, who are we?”</p><p>“Well, I did come here to learn. Then again, who are we without love, right?”</p><p>“Hm… Kenobi was right. You are wise.”</p><p>“Nah. I think I just happen to stumble upon the right words every once in a while. There’s really not much goin’ on up here.” I tapped my temple with a crooked smirk. “Not much at all.”</p><p>“I simply refuse to believe that. No one is that lucky.”</p><p>“Hey, you don’t know, man.”</p><p>Plo chuckled, “No, I suppose not. This way, now. I want to show you the courtyard. Since you like younglings, you may enjoy it.”</p><p>“Why, exactly?”</p><p>“You’ll see.”</p><p>As we neared the courtyard, I caught the sound of clashing lightsabers and smiled, knowing what Plo meant. There were two younglings dueling in the sunny square below us, a few of their peers watching on with interest. Though their sabers were fake, only intended for training, the young Jedi had true strength, their skills impressive for their age.</p><p>A childish excitement bubbling up in me, I gleefully inquired, “Can I teach them?</p><p>“It’s why you’re here,” Plo nodded. “I’m curious to see what instruction you have to offer.”</p><p>“Yes! Okay, I’ll be right back.”</p><p>I flashed Plo a crooked grin and dropped from the balcony. My landing was so gentle, none of the younglings noticed me until I strolled up to them, arms crossed in what I believed to be a learned master kinda way.</p><p>As they all stared at me, I smirked, “Well, don’t stop on my account. Go on. Show us what you got.” It took about two seconds of fighting for me to find my first pieces of advice. “Alright, alright, stop. That’s enough. You–” I gestured to one of the dueling pair with a jerk of my head. “Your stance is weak, unstable.” To prove my point, I quickly shifted his foot, knocking him to the ground. “See?” I said as I pulled him to his feet, “It should never be that easy to take you down. Got it?” After sweeping sweat from his forehead, the youngling nodded and reset. “Alright, let’s see… Widen your legs. You want a low center of gravity. You’ll have better balance that way. Make sure to evenly distribute your weight, or you’re just gonna get knocked on your ass again. Ready, kid?” Another curt nod. “Alright, man.”</p><p>This time when I kicked at the youngling’s legs, he stood firm, refusing to fall. I smirked proudly and patted him on the shoulder before ordering him to move aside. His dueling partner was all that remained in the center of the courtyard, and she stared up at me, clutching her saber so tightly, her knuckles were white.</p><p>“Alright, kid,” I said, “You’re up.” She swallowed, and I sighed, “What’re you so afraid of? Huh? Why are you so careful when you fight?”</p><p>She squeaked, “I’m not– <span>I’m small. Especially for a Lasat. So</span> I have to be careful. ‘Cause I’m–”</p><p>“Don’t even say it. Yeah, you’re smaller. That isn't a disadvantage. Ya think I’d be able to kick Kenobi’s ass if it were?”</p><p>“You beat <em>Obi-Wan Kenobi</em> in a duel?”</p><p>“I did. And the only reason I hadn’t beat him before is because I was <em>holding back.</em> For different reasons, yes, but the point stands. Don’t hold back because you’re small. That’s how you lose. Take your size, that which all expect to hinder you, and use it to your advantage.”</p><p>“How?”</p><p>“There’s two that are most important: You’re a smaller target, and you’re quick. You have more room to move than your opponent. You must use every inch of it. This is crucial, and how you’ll out maneuver your way to victory.” I drew both my lightsabers, holding one backhand, and dropped into a low squat. “Understood?”</p><p>“Your lightsabers are amazing!”</p><p>“Yeeeah. They don’t all come in green, blue, or red, kiddo. Especially when you’re not a Jedi.”</p><p>“Are you not a Jedi?”</p><p>“Nope. I’m here on invitation from Master Kenobi. I was only just approved to be here by the Council. Now, are you ready to try again?”</p><p>“Mm-hm.”</p><p>“Alright, good. Uh, you, uh… Name?”</p><p>The strong-looking boy I was pointing to awkwardly replied, “Um, Vecks, uh…”</p><p>“Eh, call me what you want. I’m not one for proper titles.”</p><p>“Uh, Master. I guess. My name is Vecks, Master.”</p><p>“Vecks, step up and fight, uh…”</p><p>“Marna, Master,” The girl laughed.</p><p>“Marna. Man, I shoulda asked your names at the start of this. Well, too late, now. Vecks, Marna. Do your thing.”</p><p>The two launched into their match as soon as the words left my mouth. It took a minute for Marna to find her confidence, but once she did, she was absolutely stupendous. She out-stepped almost everything Vecks threw at her, yet before long, she was on the floor with his saber at her throat. I could see all hope draining away as he helped her up, and I approached them with a wide grin.</p><p>“Well <em>done,</em> Marna!” I celebrated, “That was fantastic.”</p><p>“But I <em>lost,”</em> She groaned.</p><p>“Yes, you lost, but you <em>fought,</em> Marna. With your heart and soul, you fought, and if you work hard enough, practice enough, and yes, lose enough, you’ll overcome adversity.”</p><p>“But–”</p><p>“Listen to me, kid. Ya can’t expect to win the first time. You can’t expect to win the second time. But hey, it’s ‘third time’s the charm’ for a reason, right? Keep at it, Marna. You got this.” I faced the other younglings as well. “This is a lesson for all of you. Everyone has weaknesses. You can’t escape them. Find the strength in your weaknesses and you can overcome anything. You just have to work. No shortcuts. Good luck with it all, little warriors. I’m sure to see you again. For now, I’ve got a tour to complete.”</p><p>I gave a bow, mine a complete mockery of discipline within the Jedi Order, and every single one of those younglings returned it with more respect than I had been given in years. Had I been required to speak just then, I would’ve been at a complete loss for words. Hell, it was pure luck I’d managed to gather my wits by the time I was back at Plo’s side.</p><p>“Are you alright?” He asked, sounding quite a lot like he was smiling again.</p><p>Brow furrowed, I frowned, “They… bowed.”</p><p>“Well, yes. You bowed first.”</p><p>“I know, but… They <em>meant</em> it.”</p><p>“Did you expect them not to?”</p><p>“I didn’t expect anything at all. I was just makin’ a bad joke. Why– What reason do they have to respect me?”</p><p>“Ergora, even if they were not already trained to respect those in a higher station than them, you proved yourself worthy of it with what you taught them. That was a perfect lesson. You were made for this.”</p><p>“Me? Made to teach Jedi younglings? My apologies, Master Plo, but I don’t think so.”</p><p>“Are you so unable to see past our differences that you can’t put them aside for the children’s sake?”</p><p>“Well, that’s– That’s not fair.”</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>“How am I even supposed to respond to that?”</p><p>“I should hope with the truth.”</p><p>“It’s not… Okay, yes, it’s our differences.” I tried to keep myself collected, but as my frustration with my inability to communicate rose, it grew difficult. “But can you <em>really</em> blame me for my fear? I’ve suffered because of the difference between me and the Jedi!” The Force rumbled around me as I struggled not to release all my rage. “I’ve lost, I’ve–!”</p><p>Screaming through my teeth, I refrained from whipping out my saber and smashed my fist into the nearest hard surface, leaving an impressive crack in the wall. Plo had to grab my arms before I could do any more damage to my already bleeding knuckles (another point to real gloves).</p><p>“I’m okay!” I gasped, “I’m okay.”</p><p>Plo shook his head, saying, “I would like to disagree.”</p><p>“No, I’ve punched a lot of things in my day. Much rougher surfaces than that. Brick for one. I’m fine.”</p><p>“Again, I would like to disagree.” Still, he released me, and I massaged my wrists. “It seems to me you’re caught in the past.”</p><p>“As is the way of the Dark Side, huh?”</p><p>“Yes, that’s why I’m concerned. You need to find the way to move on.”</p><p>“Oh, I <em>know</em> the way. Believe me, I know, and I’ve <em>tried.</em> All I need is a few more people to be a <em>little</em> more understanding, and I would have a way to honor the one I’ve lost and finally let him go, but here I am, stuck in place, because one leader decided to be an unmoving <em>bitch.”</em></p><p>“Harsh words, Ergora.”</p><p>“Yeah, and well-deserved. I blame her, I blame the wars, I blame the Jedi. I’m lost, and I have no idea what to do.”</p><p>“Have you confided in anyone?”</p><p>“I don’t know how to do that without incriminating myself. It’s too complicated.”</p><p>“I think you may have options.”</p><p>“Meaning?”</p><p>“You seem to have Master Kenobi. I doubt you could say much that would put you in bad faith with him.”</p><p>“What’s that supposed to mean?”</p><p>“I believe it goes unsaid.”</p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>“You really need not worry.”</p><p>“I know. I trust you. But hey.”</p><p>Plo chuckled and said, “Well, if you wish to keep it from Kenobi as well, I think Qui-Gon Jinn might be your safest choice. After all, what could be more secure than a spirit only <em>you</em> are able to communicate with?”</p><p>“Yeah… You’re probably right. I just… I gotta think.”</p><p>“I understand. It’s difficult, yes?”</p><p>“Yeah. Pretty damn difficult. I think I need a break for a little bit. Do you know where Obi-Wan might’ve got to?”</p><p>“I can take you to his quarters. Unless you wish to seek him out yourself?”</p><p>“No, his quarters will work for now.” I slowly took a breath, calming myself. “Thank you, Master Plo. It’s good to know I’ll be supported here.”</p><p>“Of course. We wouldn’t want you to feel alone.”</p><p>He put a hand on my shoulder and led me away, his presence gentle and quieting.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Papa Plo. Y'know?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Luckily for me, Obi-Wan was in his quarters, typing away on a computer at the desk shoved into the corner of the minimalist room. He glanced back at me as the door closed slid shut but kept typing, paying me no mind.</p><p>“Obi-Wan,” I sighed. I came up behind him and draped my arms over his shoulders, lightly kissing his cheek. “Did I piss you off?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Oh, very convincing.” I smiled into his shoulder. “You were right.”</p><p>“In reference to?”</p><p>“Well, Plo Koon took me to the courtyard where the younglings spar.”</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“He let me teach.”</p><p>“And?”</p><p>“I loved it. Those kids are an inspiration. They’ll make powerful warriors one day, Jedi or not.”</p><p>“I should hope so. And did you find it difficult to provide instruction without breaking the terms of your agreement?”</p><p>“No. I just said what I felt was right, and it was fine. I don’t know about wisdom, but you’re still right. I’m sorry, Obi-Wan. I shouldn’t have snapped with you.”</p><p>“It’s alright. Now–” Obi-Wan finally looked away from his computer and carefully took my hands in his. “Tell me what you’ve done to yourself.”</p><p>“Oh, this is nothing. I punched a wall.”</p><p>He twisted around to look at me, chiding, “Why would you ever do that?’</p><p>“So I wouldn’t take my lightsaber to it instead. I don’t think the Council would like that.”</p><p>“No, I think not. But I don’t like seeing you hurt.”</p><p>“I’m okay, Obi-Wan. It’s like I told Plo: I’ve punched a <em>lot</em> of walls. I just need to clean the wounds and I’ll be perfectly fine. Oh, look at that, you have a sink–”</p><p>“Ah, ah ah. No.” In one fluid motion, Obi-Wan stood, picked me up by the waist, and set me on his desk. “Sit. I’ll do it.”</p><p>“I do know how to take care of wounds.”</p><p>“Yes, I’m sure you do, but you deserve a break from it, do you not?”</p><p>With no words worthy enough for a reply, I cupped his cheeks and kissed him, pouring out my heart for him to see.</p><p>“It’s alright,” He whispered, gently kissing my temple. “It’s alright.” He combed his fingers through my hair. “You don’t have to do it by yourself. You’re not alone.”</p><p>“I’ve always–”</p><p>“Shh, I know.”</p><p>“Even when I had <em>him,</em> I didn’t want him to know! I didn’t want him to worry, I– God, that’s <em>stupid!”</em></p><p>“Ergo, <em>shh…</em> It’s okay.”</p><p>“You know, he always found out. He always knew. Damned Man– Oh, God, I <em>can’t</em>. Plo was right, but I <em>can’t!</em> This is such a <em>stupid</em> fear!”</p><p>“Don’t. Don’t do this.”</p><p>I sobbed silently into his shoulder, clutching the back of his tunic he held me. He shushed and pet and soothed until my tears were gone and my knuckles were beginning to scab over.</p><p>“I think I needed that,” I laughed breathlessly as I emerged from his shoulder.</p><p>He smiled, “Yes, it feels good, doesn’t it? A bit lighter?”</p><p>“Yeah. Sorry about that.”</p><p>“I think if I were you, I would tell you never to apologize for your emotions. Right?”</p><p>“Exactly right. You’re learning, man.”</p><p>“Mm…” Obi-Wan nuzzled my cheek, and I wrinkled my nose, fighting the urge to giggle. “Stay here. I’ll be right back.”</p><p>With a peck of my cheek, he was gone. Five minutes later, I was sitting with my legs criss-crossed, Qui-Gon was meditating by the door, and Obi-Wan returned with a damp rag and a roll of bandages. After carefully pulling off my gloves, he kissed me to distract me, but I still winced as he dragged the warm rag across my torn knuckles.</p><p>“Are you alright?” He asked, caressing the back of my hand with his thumb.</p><p>I replied, “I’m fine.”</p><p>“Good. Hold still, my love.” He kissed my fingers. “I’m almost finished.”</p><p>Obi-Wan was as gentle as possible as he quickly wrapped my hands, doing all he could to avoid worsening my pain. Once he was finished, he set everything aside and brought one hand up to his lips, smiling against the linen bandages.</p><p>“You look very proud of yourself,” I snarked, averting my eyes. “Then again, it’s a job fairly well done. I guess it’s a bit easier when it isn’t your own hands.”</p><p>When I looked back at him, I found I was stroking his cheek and he was staring at me like nothing else mattered. Blushing, I tried to pull away, but Obi-Wan held my hand in place.</p><p>“Don’t,” He breathed. “Don’t go. We have all the time in the world. We’re safe here. I promise.”</p><p>“I know, I know.” I held his face in my hands. “But Qui-Gon’s like <em>right </em>there, and that’s just weird.”</p><p>Eyes still closed, Qui-Gon says, “There’s not much I could see that I haven’t already.”</p><p>I dropped my legs off the desk and glared at the ghost over Obi-Wan’s shoulder, gaping, “The <em>fuck’s</em> that supposed to mean?”</p><p>“Alright, I see what you may have inferred from that comment, and I ask that you please stop inferring it.”</p><p>“It’s not <em>my</em> fault you said somethin’ pervy!”</p><p>“I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sorry.”</p><p>“Qui, just <em>leave.”</em></p><p>“Alright, alright.”</p><p>He stepped away though the wall with a huff, and I sneered at the spot where he had disappeared.</p><p>“Ass,” I tsked.</p><p>Obi-Wan, his red face hidden in the crook of my neck, groaned, “I cannot <em>believe</em> he was watching.”</p><p>“Somewhat akin to your dad walking in on you while you’re rubbin’ one off.” Obi-Wan looked at me with the horror of a cursed memory in his eyes. “Oh, my <em>god,</em> he’s done that?!”</p><p>His face redder than ever, he exclaimed, “I was fifteen! What did he expect a fifteen-year-old boy to be doing in his free time?”</p><p>“I dunno, readin’ a book. You’re a nerd, aren’t you?”</p><p>There was no reply.</p><p>“Obi-Wan? C’mon, don’t sulk, babe.”</p><p>I brushed his hair back, and he scowled, “I am not <em>sulking.”</em></p><p>“Said the man who was so very clearly sulking.” I kissed his neck, making him hum in appreciation. “None of that, little Jedi. I won’t allow it.”</p><p>I placed little kisses all over his face until he was laughing, his joy like fireworks in the Force.</p><p>“Alright!” He grinned, pushing me away. “Enough, <em>enough!”</em> He slipped his fingers just inside my waistband and sucked at the pulse point underneath my jaw before retreating to his chair with a sighed, “I have to finish this report.”</p><p>“‘Report?’” I cried once my brain recaptured control of my body. “‘Report?’ Seriously? You gotta stop doing this!”</p><p>“Doing what?”</p><p>“Getting me excited then just steppin’ away!”</p><p>Obi-Wan chuckled, “Ergora, it’ll only be a few moments, and once I’m done it’ll finally be out of the way. Besides, you’re welcome to keep me entertained as I work.”</p><p>“Entertained like–”</p><p><em>“No.</em> No. Tell me about the younglings.”</p><p>“I’m sorry, I’m resisting the urge to hop down there and start straight up grinding on you, and you want me to talk about <em>younglings?”</em></p><p>Refusing to give me the satisfaction of looking scandalized, Obi-Wan said, “If we’re quite lucky, it might cool you down a bit.”</p><p>“Ugh, good point. Fine. What do you want to know?”</p><p>“You said Master Plo took you to the courtyard?”</p><p>“Yup.”</p><p>“So they were dueling.”</p><p>“That’s what I said, yeah. Glad you were listening.”</p><p>“I’m only recapping, my dear. What happened? You were allowed to teach, but what was taught?”</p><p>Lifting one leg onto the desk, I shrugged, “Just basic stuff. A good stance. But then there was this girl. Small, like me. And a certain someone else I know.”</p><p>“Easy, darling.”</p><p>“Hey, don’t be offended. Not when you hear the next part. This kid, Marna, she was struggling because of her size. She was too cautious, scared. And, well, you know me. I told her as much.”</p><p>“Ah. Inspiring.”</p><p>“Shut up, you ass. Just listen. She was scared, so I told her to use her smaller stature to her advantage. ‘Cause her opponent was bigger, <em>she</em> was quicker. She could outmaneuver him. And she was just fantastic.”</p><p>“Did she win her duel?”</p><p>“No, of course not. That’s what I told them all, too. Just because they’ve figured out a clever trick means it’ll just work on the first try. Everything takes work and time. No shortcuts. Not bad for my first shot a teachin’, huh?”</p><p>Obi-Wan smiled up at me, saying, “It was most likely absolutely beautiful, Ergo. I wish I had been there.”</p><p>“I don’t know about that. It’s just what came to mind.”</p><p>“I know. That only makes it all the more beautiful. Your mind is a wonderful thing. Truly.”</p><p>“I– No. I’m too lost.”</p><p>“Even if you are, it changes nothing. Even if you don’t see it yet, it’s still there, and anyone can recognize it for what it is.”</p><p>Looking away, I murmured, “You ought to be more careful where you place your praise, Master Kenobi.”</p><p>“I think I’ve been plenty careful.” Obi-Wan gently grabbed my knee, making me meet his gaze. “You deserve all the pretty words in the world, certainly more than what I can muster in a day.”</p><p>“You know what?”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Fuck sex.”</p><p>“Interesting turn of–”</p><p>“Let’s get out there and show ‘em who’s boss. Uh, assuming you’ve finished?”</p><p>“Yes. Yes! I am in full support of this! Let’s go!”</p><p>“Fuck yeah!”</p><p>Obi-Wan stood dramatically, and we marched from his quarters with matching grins, ready to knock some wisdom into the next generation of Jedi.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>You guys, I did a sad thing.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next two days passed impossibly fast. I suppose it’s easy to lose track of time when you have a worthy focus, and what focus is much worthier than education, right? This is why teachers should be paid more, but I think that’s beside the point. It was an interesting look into the world of the Jedi, teaching younglings. The way they looked up to certain Jedi, the random facts they knew. I was surprised there weren’t baseball cards. In some way, seeing Jedi the way the younglings did made it easier to understand why people idolized the Order. They were certainly great. It’s what people do with their greatness that’s the concern. But that’s dreary, isn’t it? I say we leave my worries about the Jedi Order at the door and move onto some bonding instead. Much more fun.</p><p> </p><p>After our second day chock-full of youngling time, Obi-Wan and I decided on a post-dinner walk through the city. Once the sun had set, I made a comment about a better view of the stars, and with a clever grin, Obi-Wan put an arm around my shoulders and gestured to the looming Senate building.</p><p>“Ohh,” I praised. “Roof access, open space?”</p><p>“Exactly,” Obi-Wan said.</p><p>“Niiice. Wait, is that Anakin? Damn, who’s the broad? She’s gorgeous.”</p><p>Leading me towards the couple, Obi-Wan quietly chuckled, “She’s Padmé Amidala, the senator from Naboo, and I doubt she would appreciate you calling her a ‘broad.’”</p><p>“Hey, I’ve lived a lot of my life among bounty hunters, scavengers, and smugglers, alright? You pick things up.”</p><p>Obi-Wan laughed heartily, and as we finally crossed his path, Anakin smirked, “What are you two up to?”</p><p>“Oh, just on a stroll,” I shrugged. “You?”</p><p>“Same. Senator Amidala wanted a walk, and I–”</p><p>“Wait. <em>Waaait.”</em> I looked at Qui-Gon, who had been by my side all the while, and he raised his eyebrows with a knowing smile. “Ohhhh, you son of a <em>bitch,</em> Qui, this is <em>the </em>senator?”</p><p>Qui-Gon nodded, his chest shaking with well-contained laughter.</p><p>
  <em>“Bro.”</em>
</p><p>I lightly smacked his arm (unwilling to reach for his shoulder), and he had to turn away as he cracked up. Neither of us had yet to even begin to acknowledge the fact that we were able to touch each other, but in the past two days, the buddy punches and shoulder pats had been quickly increasing in number.</p><p>“Allllright, buddy,” I huffed, crossing my arms with a fond shake of my head. “Just taaake a breath there, Master Jinn. If you had the ability to die, I’d be seriously concerned right now.”</p><p>Smiling, Padmé said, “I take it you’re Ergora Saxon.”</p><p>“Huh? Oh, yeah, sorry.” I held out my hand with a lop-sided smirk and Padmé took it. “Nice to meet you, Senator Amidala. I’m surprised you’ve heard of me.”</p><p>“Oh. I thought you were aware.”</p><p>“Of?”</p><p>“Ah, that was on me,” Obi-Wan said. “My apologies. Ergo, we were hoping that you might want to visit the Senate. As a learning opportunity. Senator Amidala has offered to let you sit in with her tomorrow.”</p><p>“Oh! Yeah, I’d love to. I’m certainly curious.”</p><p>“Well, I look forward to having you, Ms. Saxon.”</p><p>“Please, call me Ergo. Obi-Wan and I are headed up to the roof. You two are both welcome to join us.”</p><p>“Oh, I think I might call it a night. I only wanted a quick dip out into the night before bed. But you ought to go, Master Skywalker. I’ll be able to get back to my apartment perfectly well on my own.”</p><p>Though clearly hesitant, Anakin nodded, “Sure. Goodnight, Senator.”</p><p>“Goodnight. I’ll see you all tomorrow.”</p><p>Padmé strode away into the Senate building, Anakin watching her go a few seconds longer than the rest of us.</p><p>“Well,” I mused, “As nice as it would’ve been to have her, now we can get up there the fun way.”</p><p>Obi-Wan chided, “You only want to show off your agility.”</p><p>“Uh, yeah. Duh. What, worried you can’t take me in a race, Master Jedi?”</p><p>“Oh, we can take you,” Anakin snarked.</p><p>“Let’s go, then, boys.”</p><p>Before I had even finished speaking, I was already on my way up the building, Anakin and Obi-Wan leaping from ledge to ledge just behind me. At the very precipice of the dome waited Qui-Gon, hands held in front of him as he watched me sprint up to him.</p><p>“Well, you weren’t supposed to be a part of this race,” I tutted.</p><p>He chuckled, “Ha, no. But I thought you might be entertained.”</p><p>“Maybe a little.”</p><p>“Damn, you’re quick,” Anakin said as he and Obi-Wan joined me.</p><p>I sat with a laugh. “Too much for ya, Ani?”</p><p>“No way.”</p><p>Obi-Wan commented, “You must admit when you’re defeated,” and Anakin just bemusedly shook his head.</p><p>I flopped onto my back, sighing, “I don’t like this planet.”</p><p>“Why?” Obi-Wan inquired.</p><p>“You can’t see the stars here. Too much light pollution.”</p><p>“I suppose you’re right. I’m so used to it, I stopped noticing.”</p><p>“That’s… kinda sad.”</p><p>“Well, I have very few memories of my home planet, but when I think about it, I can remember looking at the stars through the trees.”</p><p>“Huh,” I sat up, an arm around my legs. “I guess I never really thought about you not being from Coruscant. Where were you born?”</p><p>“Stewjon. I doubt you’d know it.”</p><p>“No, I’ve been there! Granted, it was just a pit stop, but I loved it. It’s a beautiful place. Terrestrial planets are my favorite. All that life… It’s amazing. Hm… Stewjon… What about you, Anakin?”</p><p>Anakin scowled, “Ohhh, I remember where I’m from. I’d prefer it if I didn’t.”</p><p>“Ah.”</p><p>“No, it’s fine. I’m from Tatooine. I appreciate a good terrestrial planet, too.”</p><p>“Yeah, I bet you do. Growing up in the desert is… no fun.”</p><p>“You strike me as someone who was born in open space,” Obi-Wan commented thoughtfully.</p><p>“Me? A space baby? Nah. I’m from Christophsis. I left when I was pretty young, but I remember it well. I don’t miss much about it, but the view of the stars from my village was beautiful.”</p><p>“How old were you when you left?”</p><p>“Six.”</p><p>“That’s an unfortunate age to move your child somewhere new.”</p><p>“No, I didn’t move. I ran away when I was six.”</p><p><em>“What?</em> Why would you do that?”</p><p>“I had to. They were after me! I– I stole a crystal.” I reached into one of the pockets of my jacket and pulled out a leather cord with a kyber crystal tied to it. “They hadn’t noticed when I took the off-color ones. I thought it would be fine to take this one, too.” I rolled the little crystal over in my hand, revealing a fissure deep inside its structure. “But they hadn’t found the crack yet. They caught me, and I ran. The only way I could escape was by stowing away on a leaving ship.”</p><p>“But you were <em>six.</em> How did you survive?”</p><p>“I stowed away on the right ship. He didn’t find me for three days, and when he did, he took pity on me. After all–” I took a deep breath to prepare myself. “–A Mandalorian warrior isn’t one to abandon a helpless child. It’s against their principles.”</p><p>“A Mandalorian…”</p><p>“Yeah. A Mandalorian. I never knew his name, his face, nothing. I called him a lot of things. Mando, Besk.” I sighed. “Wolf, <em>cabur</em>… and… Father. Well, <em>Buir.</em> When it mattered most.”</p><p>“He was the man you mentioned to Master Plo.”</p><p>“Yep. My father, the exiled Mandalorian warrior. He raised me in the old ways, even after we figured out I was Force-sensitive. That man loved me, and…”</p><p>Qui-Gon gently rested his hands on my shoulders, whispering, “You don’t have to tell them. But they <em>will</em> understand.”</p><p>“What happened?” Obi-Wan asked carefully.</p><p>I closed my eyes for a moment and swallowed, “There was a conflict. A few other exiles and–” I slowly inhaled. “A pair of Jedi. They killed them. All of them. Wolf didn’t even want to fight, but he had to for his life, and they <em>killed </em>him.”</p><p>“No…”</p><p>“I saw it all. I held him as he died. He wasn’t <em>just</em> my father, Obi-Wan, he–” I buried my hands in my hair. “I lost it. Those Jedi…”</p><p>“Ergo, what you said that night…”</p><p>“I tore through them. I couldn’t <em>stop.</em> I may be willing to dip into the Dark Side, but that was… God, what I did…”</p><p>“Ergo.” Obi-Wan gently took my hands away from my head. “I forgive you. I told you I would forgive you. I hold myself to my word.”</p><p>“No!” I threw his hands away and shot to my feet, roaring, “You don’t <em>understand.</em> I may regret killing those two Knights. It may haunt me every <em>second</em> I spend in the Temple, every time I look at your face. But the punishment fit the crime. They cut those men down, not in the heat of the battle, but when they were already unable to defend themselves. They <em>cut down</em> unarmed men, so I showed them exactly what they’d gotten themselves into when they dared to mess with Mandalorians.”</p><p>Though his eyes were haunted, and Anakin had a hand on his lightsaber, Obi-Wan still repeated, “I <em>forgive</em> you. I swear.”</p><p>“Leave,” I breathed. “Just– Leave. Please.”</p><p>Obi-Wan hesitated, but a look from Anakin made him leap away, glancing back at me as he fell from view.</p><p>With a deep breath, I exhaled, “I meant <em>you,</em> too.”</p><p>“Yes, I know,” Qui-Gon replied gently.</p><p>“And yet you’re still here.”</p><p>“You believe you should be alone.”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“I disagree.”</p><p>“Wouldn’t <em>I</em> know what’s best for <em>me?”</em></p><p>“Not necessarily.”</p><p>I gave a cold laugh and turned to Qui-Gon, sighing, “You remind me of him, too. Even more than Plo.”</p><p>“I know.” In an attempt to cheer me, he joked, “It’s my looks, hm?”</p><p>“Qui, the only time I ever saw his face was when he was dying.”</p><p>“Yes, I know. But I’ve made you smile.”</p><p>“I am <em>not–”</em></p><p>I was, and Qui-Gon returned it in tenfold, his eyes soft.</p><p>“Ergo,” He said.</p><p>“What.”</p><p>“Do you want a hug?”</p><p>“Heey, fuck you.”</p><p>“Well?”</p><p>“Yesss…”</p><p>Being embraced by Qui-Gon was like being enveloped in the Force itself. A warm feeling washed over me in waves, and I was happy to drown in it. Still, as consumed as I was by the Forceiness of it all, it was all the physical aspects that really mattered. The hand on the back of my head, the rise and fall of a chest under my cheek (it is somewhat sweet that he was still in the habit of breathing), the hum of a deep voice whispering small comforts. All the things I had to leave home to find, no matter what universe I was in.</p><p>“Ergora, we’ve been standing here for five minutes.”</p><p>“Hey, you offered, Qui. I may not be able to feel my feet, but this is good. I haven’t had a hug this good since… Well, since I was fifteen.”</p><p>“Don’t guilt-trip me, little one.”</p><p>I pouted up at him, saying, “I’m not guilt-tripping.”</p><p>Qui-Gon chuckled quietly and placed a hand on my forehead with a warm, “Let go. You’ll be alright. Besides, I think someone might be waiting for you. You feel him, don’t you?”</p><p>“Yeah… Obi-Wan’s down there. He stayed.”</p><p>“As I said before, you have quite an effect on the man.”</p><p>I tipped my head down so Qui-Gon’s hand was right on top of it, and he unconsciously started stroking my hair as I slowly said, “When I’m away… I worry what damage I could cause. To his life, to him… I don’t even know. But when I’m with him…” I spoke breathlessly, smiling up at the starless sky. “I just can’t help myself.”</p><p>“He’s had an effect on you as much as you have him.”</p><p>“Yeah, pretty much.”</p><p>“Ergo, the Force brought you together, and the Force will guide you on your path. You just have to believe in its will.”</p><p>“I do. I’d just forgotten.”</p><p>“What reminded you?”</p><p>“You did, you idiot.”</p><p>“Me? I try my best, but I’m not sure–”</p><p>“No, Qui… You <em>did.</em> Everything about you reminds me of all the Force has given me. Your very presence is proof of its will. I…” I threw my arms around his neck and pulled him close, grinning, <em>“Thank</em> you, <em>Buir.”</em></p><p>“But, Ergo, you said <em>buir </em>meant–”</p><p>Before he could finish his thought, I had already leaped off the edge of the roof. I fell spread-eagle, my jacket flapping in the wind. Though I used the Force to slow my descent, I did it at the last possible second I could without, you know, <em>dying,</em> and Obi-Wan literally dove to catch me. He just ended up face-planting while I lightly touched down, hands in my pockets.</p><p>“Very graceful, Master Jedi,” I laughed.</p><p>From his position on the ground, Obi-Wan groaned, “Well, <em>you’re</em> certainly feeling better.”</p><p>“Yes, your old master is a very comforting man. He helped me sort out my thoughts.”</p><p>“He was quite good at that.”</p><p>“So was Wolf.” As Obi-Wan sat up, I crouched down in front of him to smirk, “Obi. Let’s get very, <em>very</em> drunk. Yeah?”</p><p>“Yes, I like the sound of that.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>What if I told you... this wasn't the plan... but I love it.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Do not, I repeat, do <em>not</em> get Ergo Saxon and Obi-Wan Kenobi (AKA periodically restrained alcoholic) levels of very, <em>very</em> drunk the night before you have to sit in on a session in the senate of a government you don’t particularly agree with. Just <em>don’t.</em> And man, that day started off shit, too. I woke up from – or more <em>clawed</em> my way out of – a hellish dream, or memory, or <em>who knows what</em> to find my head resting against Qui-Gon’s leg, his concerned gaze boring into me. I was about to croak something snarky at him, but before I could, the sound of violent heaving broke me away, and I hastily stumbled my way into the restroom. The origin of the sound was not difficult to locate. Obi-Wan on the floor, cradling the toilet bowl as he barfed up his guts.</p>
<p>“Can’t take your alcohol, Master Kenobi?” I joked.</p>
<p>He weakly snapped, “I can take the <em>alcohol</em> perfectly–”</p>
<p>“Wait– No– Move, <em>move!”</em></p>
<p>I knocked Obi-Wan aside and barely made it to the toilet before I’d rid myself of the contents of my stomach. I felt two hands on my back as I vomited: One cool and gentle (Qui-Gon), and the other shaking (Obi-Wan).</p>
<p>“Never mind,” I moaned once I was finished. I flopped onto Obi-Wan’s shoulder. “I rescind my previous statement.”</p>
<p>“I blame you.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I blame me, too. Aren’t I supposed to be in the Senate today?”</p>
<p>“We both are. And the session already started.”</p>
<p>“Ugh, this is like going on a bad trip on a school night.” Both Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon gave me the same exact pointed look, and I added, “Something I have never done, of course. Certainly not, I don’t know, twice in a week or anything. Never.” I cleared my acid-burned throat. “Let’s stop talking about this. We gotta get ready.”</p>
<p>Qui-Gon frowned, “Maybe you ought to stay. Leave the Senate for another day.”</p>
<p>“No. We’ll be fine. Help me up.”</p>
<p>With a small sigh, Qui-Gon pulled me to my feet, saying, “Just be careful, hm? Don’t overdo it.”</p>
<p>As I wet a rag with cold water, I huffed, “I promise, Qui. Relax. It’s nothing I haven’t done before.”</p>
<p>“Oh, child.” Qui-Gon cupped my cheek. “I know.”</p>
<p>Smiling in appreciation, I touched his hand and crouched down to clean Obi-Wan’s face with the cool rag. He sighed in relief, letting his eyes fall closed.</p>
<p>“I could have done this myself,” He said.</p>
<p>I chuffed, “I know. But ya look like absolute bantha shit, and I want to help. So shut up and sit there while I get the kriffin’ vomit outta your beard, fucktard.”</p>
<p>“You don’t look too good yourself.”</p>
<p>“Did I not just tell you to shut up? Now go brush your teeth while I drown myself in mouthwash.”</p>
<p>“You know, I don’t really remember having a mother, but I get the distinct feeling that it was something–”</p>
<p>“Shut uuuup, Obi-Wan.”</p>
<p>“You love me.”</p>
<p>“Don’t make me say it again, Jedi. Go get minty fresh before I Force-strangle you.”</p>
<p>“Come, just a kiss.”</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>He stroked my cheek with one finger. “One little kiss.</p>
<p>“Minty fresh, barf boy. Minty fuckin’ fresh. Then, if you’re <em>reaaaally</em> lucky, you’ll get your kiss.”</p>
<p>“Well, I suppose that’s incentive enough.”</p>
<p>“Good boy.”</p>
<p>I patted his cheek with a smirk and stepped away to search for mouthwash. Apparently Obi-Wan was one of those people who needed to experience terrible pain to feel cleaned. Somehow dressed in all his stupid Jedi layers before I’d even finished tying my second boot, he leaned the refresher doorway with an amusedly concerned smile.</p>
<p>“Are you alright?” He asked.</p>
<p>I gurgled annoyedly at him and pushed past him to spit out the accursed mouthwash in the sink.</p>
<p>“I’m on fire,” I sputtered, “But it’s <em>cold.”</em></p>
<p>“Can’t handle it?”</p>
<p>“Why do you <em>have</em> that stuff?”</p>
<p>“The burning assures me something is being cleaned.”</p>
<p>“Masochist.”</p>
<p>“Oh, stop it. Where’s my kiss, then?”</p>
<p>Eyes narrowed, I stomped up to him, grabbed his tunic, and dragged him down into much more of a kiss than he had been ready for, this made obvious by the way he twitched his arms before settling them around my waist. Then, just as his brain had caught up to the moment, I quickly pulled away and stood back, arms crossed.</p>
<p>“Satisfied?” I smirked.</p>
<p>He stammered, “Well, now, I– That was– Alright, then.” I could hear Qui-Gon’s deep laugh from the other side of the room. “Shall we go now?”</p>
<p>“Yes, I think that might be best, General. You can only be so late to the Senate and still have it be fashionable. Though… might we stop somewhere for some pain meds? My head’s <em>pounding.”</em></p>
<p>“Ugh, agreed. Come on, then.”</p>
<p>It was honestly hilarious making our way through the hustle and bustle of the base. Everywhere we went, it was just troopers in the 212th and the 501st snarkily commenting on our appearance until Commander Cody chided one of them for it and joined us on the walk towards the entrance.</p>
<p>“Really, though,” He chuckled, “You two look worse for wear.”</p>
<p>I huffed, “I don’t know what you’re talking about, <em>vod’ika</em>. I’ve never felt so good in my life.”</p>
<p>“Right. Here, take these.” Cody handed Obi-Wan and I each two pills. “You’re lucky I’ve learned to keep these on me, General”</p>
<p>“Cody, you’re a blessing. Ah, and they’re <em>fast-actin’.”</em></p>
<p>“Truly a blessing,” Obi-Wan agreed.</p>
<p>Cody rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I know. Aren’t you supposed to be in the Senate?”</p>
<p>“How did you–”</p>
<p>“Word travels.”</p>
<p>“Yes, as <em>we</em> should be. They’re already in session.” Obi-Wan rested a hand on his commander’s shoulder, smiling, “Perhaps we’ll meet you for lunch, Cody.”</p>
<p>“Yeah. Before you go, you might want to consider some caf. I know how you get, General.” </p>
<p>Obi-Wan looked at a loss for words, and Cody just patted his shoulder before turning  down a different corridor. With an entertained smirk, I slowly dragged Obi-Wan the last five feet out of the base.</p>
<p>“He is right,” I yawned, forcing Obi-Wan to do the same only seconds later.</p>
<p>He replied with an inquisitive hum.</p>
<p>“Caf. Caf’d be a good idea. Look, there’s a little cafe. We could grab a bit of breakfast, too.” My stomach grumbled in protest at the thought. “Well, no, actually. Breakfast is a bad plan. But caf, though?”</p>
<p>“Well, I <em>do</em> have a few credits on me. My treat.”</p>
<p>“Obi, you’ve paid for everything the entire time we’ve been together.”</p>
<p>“I wasn’t going to mention it. And it’s not as if I mind.”</p>
<p>Credits weren’t needed anyway. As soon as they saw our lightsabers, the two men working the little cafe both shouted, “Jedi!” and declared everything to be on the house. Hard as Obi-Wan tried to offer up credits, the couple was insistent and we were really in a hurry, so we ended up leaving with two steaming cups of caf, a perfectly light ham and cheese sandwich to split between the two of us, and some anti-nausea meds, just for good measure (or so the men beamed at us as we sadly left the cafe).</p>
<p>“Nice people,” I said slowly as we walked, still quite in shock.</p>
<p>“Yes.” Obi-Wan scratched his beard. “I suppose that’s a perk of being considered ‘heroes of the galaxy.’”</p>
<p>Not thinking – and I never do – I snorted, “Yeah, maybe to <em>some.”</em> Almost immediately, I grimaced, “Oh, no… Shit, I didn’t mean it like that.”</p>
<p>“Either way, you’re right. We’re not always heroes.”</p>
<p>I grabbed his hand and smiled, “Let’s not think about that right now. Leave it for another day. Yeah?”</p>
<p>“Alright…”</p>
<p>“Obi-Wan.”</p>
<p>“Yes, yes, alright. We’ll leave it for another day. But I will never forget what the Jedi have done, Ergo. Not to you or anyone else.”</p>
<p>“There’s a lot of crimes I won’t forget, Obi-Wan. Some of them mine, some them my people’s. Some of them… a sick mixture of both. That doesn’t mean I have to think about them all the time. You can’t live life consumed by guilt. We all have to suffer for our mistakes and the mistakes of others – that’s just the twisted way the universe works – but no one said anything about it being constant. So take a break with me. Let’s just be okay for a little bit. Okay?”</p>
<p>Obi-Wan took a deep breath, exhaling, “Okay.”</p>
<p>“Good.” I straightened my spine and cleared my throat. “Now, you get one last bit of affection before we get too close to Senate, so make it c–”</p>
<p>Obi-Wan gripped my hips as he kissed me, my body flush with his. What was really only a few seconds felt like it lasted eons, and I couldn’t help but chase Obi-Wan’s lips a bit when he pulled away.</p>
<p>“Come on,” He said, already a few steps ahead of me. “We’re <em>much</em> too late.”</p>
<p>We were entering the Senate Chamber by the time I found my voice.</p>
<p>Under my breath, I hissed, “Hey! That was messed up, man!”</p>
<p>“You said make it count,” Obi-Wan replied.</p>
<p>“You– Fuck you!”</p>
<p>“No, it’s not really a good time.”</p>
<p>Apparently, one of the younger Junior Representatives caught a bit of our conversation. He turned to stare at us, making us both freeze. Though Obi-Wan was tense next to me, I just crossed my arms and gave the young Representative a hard look until he decided it best to ignore us.</p>
<p>“Man, he was just a kid,” I said to Obi-Wan. “Couldn’t have been older than… eighteen? When <em>I</em> was eighteen, I was– Well, I was being chased around by a very tenacious six-year-old in a biodome on a planet on which I was <em>quite</em> unwelcome. And he just so happened to be the nephew of the woman who had made me unwelcome. Ugh. Never had a worse two days in my life. Why am I talking about this? Where’s Padmé?”</p>
<p>Chuckling, Obi-Wan led me to one of the thousands of repulsorpods locked into the wall of the chamber.</p>
<p>“You’re late,” Padmé greeted as we stepped onto the pod. “I was beginning to think you weren’t coming.”</p>
<p>I sat on the edge of the pod, smirking, “Wouldn’t miss it for the universe, Senator. But I would be a bit late for stimulants.” I sipped my caf with a wry smile. “And a ham sandwich.”</p>
<p>Obi-Wan, who was in the middle of taking a bite out of said sandwich, glanced up at me like he’d been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Padmé just shook her head in  amusement, making me laugh as I tried to turn my attention to whatever was happening in the center of the Chamber. Something about money… the Banking Clan… Clones… Nothing really of interest to me. A soldier’s place is not the government. If they’re ever going to be arguing about funds with bureaucrats, it ought to at least be in a strategic meeting, not on a senate floor. As good as I am at a battle of wits, I’d much rather expend my energy in a real fight. That desire (and maaaaybe the itching for something more chemically exciting) ate at my nerves, making me shake and twitch. Obi-Wan furrowed his eyebrows at me every time I started to drum my fingers on my leg. The second the Senate went into recess, I was outta there. I Force-grabbed my way into the nearest office, accidentally leaving a dent in the door, and flopped against the wall with a burning cigarette already in my mouth. I’d been smoking since I landed on Coruscant, needing some way to satisfy my urges. Some days, it could be like chewing gum to tide me over until my next meal, but at least I wasn’t losing it, right? Not that I was willing to let anyone know I was depending on a stronger form of tobacco than tobacco to keep me sane. Sure, it became difficult to hide once I started spending most of my time at the Temple, but life finds a way, and so does addiction. Aaand so does an emotionally attached Jedi Master, apparently. Obi-Wan burst into the office, and I choked on a puff of smoke in surprise.</p>
<p>“Obi-Wan!” I coughed, fighting a wince as I crushed the cigarette in my hand.</p>
<p>He gasped, “Did you just– Ergo, why would you do that just to hide it?”</p>
<p>“I– I was just reacting! There wasn’t much of a thought process involved!”</p>
<p>Obi-Wan grabbed my hand to inspect the burn, huffing, “You didn’t even have to hide it. I can taste it on you sometimes, you know.”</p>
<p>“I… didn’t think about that. I don’t usually have to.”</p>
<p>“Well, you don’t have to now! I don’t <em>mind,</em> Ergo. Everyone has their vices.”</p>
<p>“Sure, but not everyone has them up to their neck! Ya sure you really want all this bullshit, Obi-Wan?”</p>
<p>“There is nothing wrong with your struggle.”</p>
<p>I prodded his sternum with my finger, growling, “Don’t tell me that when you can’t accept there’s nothing wrong with <em>yours.”</em></p>
<p>“Ergo.” Obi-Wan took both my hands in his and kissed my fingers. “I’m beginning to.” He smiled against my skin. “You see?”</p>
<p>“Am I an idiot?”</p>
<p>“Yes. Very much so. But that’s alright.”</p>
<p>I hugged him so tightly I heard a few joints pop, and he laughed, burying his face in my hair.</p>
<p>“We gotta go,” I sighed quietly. “Don’t want someone gettin’ worried.”</p>
<p>“Hold on.” He stepped back to look at my burned palm again. “Are you okay?”</p>
<p>“Eh, nothin’ a little bacta won’t fix.”</p>
<p>“You’ll have a scar.”</p>
<p>“What’s one more? You know the feeling.”</p>
<p>“Well, that’s not exactly <em>my</em> stance–”</p>
<p>“Obiiiii. I’m okay. Come on.”</p>
<p>I pulled him down into a quick kiss before leading him back out into the hall. Padmé was waiting just outside, a spark of curiosity in her eye.</p>
<p>Though she looked like there were plenty of comments she wanted to make, she just smiled, “We should have lunch. We could go to my apartment. I’d really love to get to know you better, Ergo.”</p>
<p>“I’m afraid I may have promised lunch to Commander Cody,” Obi-Wan replied politely. “However, I’m sure Ergo wouldn’t mind accompanying you.”</p>
<p>I stared at Obi-Wan, gaping, “Okay, <em>what?</em> You’re dumping me on Padmé?” Wincing, I added, “Not that it wouldn’t be lovely to share a meal with you, Senator Amidala, but Obi, you’re dumping me on Padmé?!”</p>
<p>“I think this could be good for you,” Qui-Gon murmured.</p>
<p>He’d been so quiet the whole time, I’d forgotten he was there, and I startled, though I maintained enough poise to ignore him.</p>
<p>“Should I be offended?” Padmé inquired.</p>
<p>Obi-Wan chuckled, “No, no. I believe Ergora is simply a bit… rattled by the suggestion.”</p>
<p>I nodded in agreement. “Lunch sounds great, Senator.” Padmé happily took my arm and began pulling me down the hallway, but I still looked behind me to hiss, “Damn you, you son of a bitch, you <em>know</em> I like hanging out with the clones!”</p>
<p>Obi-Wan just laughed and laughed as he watched us go.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Just... Padmé Amidala.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>About twenty minutes later, I was sat at a small table in Padmé’s strange, open-air home with a clearly expensive set of dinnerware in front of me, waiting to be served by her quite sarcastic, gold-plated protocol droid.</p>
<p>“So, tell me,” Padmé hummed, leaning forward in her chair, “What did you think of the Senate?”</p>
<p>I grimaced, “Honestly?”</p>
<p>Our lunch of some kind of roasted bird was delivered and Padmé quietly thanked C-3PO. To me, she said, “That’s my preference, yes.”</p>
<p>“I found it a bit droll.”</p>
<p>“You did look bored. I hope you found interest in <em>something.”</em></p>
<p>“Yeah, I enjoyed some of the things said. You’re very wise, Senator. Good with your words. As much commentary as I make, I’m just not one for politics.”</p>
<p>“No, most Jedi aren’t.”</p>
<p>“Not a Jedi. But yeah. Still, I understand why the Council wanted me there. It was a good opportunity. Just not my cup of tea.”</p>
<p>“Well, that’s fair.” I took a bite of roast with a small smile. “Have you heard about the Senate ball at the end of the week?”</p>
<p>Setting down my fork, I sighed, “There’s been whispers. There’s supposed to be a Jedi presence there, right?”</p>
<p>“The Chancellor requested that the Council provide protection. A few Jedi to watch over the guests. Will you be there?”</p>
<p>“Again, not a Jedi. And no, I won’t. Obi-Wan’s been assigned to the detail, and he tried to get me on it, but the Council doesn’t exactly trust me. I guess it’d just be a step too far for them. When I’m in the Temple, I’ve got a hundred powerful eyes on me. Anywhere else, I’m a liability. I get it.”</p>
<p>“You should be my plus one. I’d hate to go alone.”</p>
<p>“Senator… I’d love to be your date an’ all, but I don’t think I belong at a Senate ball.”</p>
<p>“That’s the fun in it. Those gatherings can be so boring. It would be exciting to stir up some trouble for once.”</p>
<p>“I’m… not sure my kinda trouble’s what you’re lookin’ for.”</p>
<p>“C’mon, it’ll be great!”</p>
<p>“Padmé…”</p>
<p>“Don’t you want to turn some heads?”</p>
<p>“I <em>do</em> like turning heads… Alright, you’ve convinced me. I’ll do it.”</p>
<p>“Ooh, I’m excited. Do you have any gowns?”</p>
<p>“Uhhhh… no.”</p>
<p>“That’s okay. It’ll be much better to go find one for you.”</p>
<p>“Oh, boy.”</p>
<p>“Don’t you worry, Ergo, I’ll put you in something that’ll leave Master Kenobi’s jaw on the floor.”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>Instead of elaborating on that arguably scandalous statement, Padmé swept me away from our finished lunch, and before I knew it, we were in a speeder on our way to the fashion district.</p>
<p>“Uh, Senator Amidala?” I grunted, struggling to settle my stomach. “Shouldn’t we have one of your guards with us or something?”</p>
<p>She smiled, “You're plenty of protection.” </p>
<p>As I threw back the anti-nausea pills from the cafe owners, I said, “Yeah, I’m not so sure about that.”</p>
<p>“Come on, there’s no better bodyguard than a Jedi.”</p>
<p>“Not a–”</p>
<p>“–Jedi, I know. It’s a force of habit. Master Kenobi didn’t do the best job of actually explaining your affiliations.”</p>
<p>“I don’t <em>have</em> affiliations.” I leaned back in my seat, turning my face to the sky. “That’s kinda my thing.”</p>
<p>“Really? None at all?”</p>
<p>“Yep.” With a small sigh and a crack of my knuckles, I explained, “Force-wise, there’s pretty much two groups: Sith and Jedi. I could never fit into either one. Government-wise… Well, let’s just be straightforward here. I’m a criminal. Separatists are more likely to ignore my, uh, business, but I’m unwilling to show support for them. They ignore a lot of things they shouldn’t, just like the Republic, just like the neutral systems, just like <em>everyone.</em> I understand there are people in the Republic who are trying to fix its problems, but as far as I’ve seen, they haven’t made all that much progress. You know?”</p>
<p>“Oh, I know.” Padmé gripped the controls with a frustrated twitch in her jaw. “I’m trying to be one of those people.”</p>
<p>“Difficult?”</p>
<p>“Some days, it feels insurmountable.”</p>
<p>“Yeah…”</p>
<p>“What about your planet? No loyalties there?”</p>
<p>“No. I ran away from my planet when I was six and spent the next nine years being raised by a man who was exiled from his home. No planetary loyalties.”</p>
<p>“Where are you from?”</p>
<p>“You know, I had this conversation with Anakin and Obi-Wan last night, and it ended with me and Obi gettin’ wasted. Now I’m here wishing I had more pills and jonesing for about ten different things, even though none of it would help with any of my current issues, and it’s my own damn fault I have any of these issues anyway.” I scratched my head, saying, “That went in a different direction than I intended.”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry I asked.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, that’s how the conversation went last time, too. I’m from Christophsis. It was… fine. Not really that different from most planets. I lived fairly well.”</p>
<p>“You said you ran away when you were six.”</p>
<p>“Yep. We’re right on track. I stole a crystal. They were after me. I was scared. Yeah, my punishment probably wouldn’t have been that harsh, but I was six. Six-year-olds are stupid. Me leaving had nothing to do with my planet. And never coming back? Less my planet, more finding a better family.”</p>
<p>“I see.”</p>
<p>“I doubt that, but that’s okay. I don’t need you to. Of all my issues and trauma I’d feel better having been ‘seen,’ shit parents I wasn’t even with for half my life aren’t anywhere <em>near</em> the top of the list.”</p>
<p>“So…”</p>
<p>“I’m fine, you’re fine, there are no issues here. Also the fashion district was three blocks back.”</p>
<p>
  <em>“Shit.”</em>
</p>
<p>As Padmé swung around a skyscraper, I laughed, “Why, Senator, such language is so unbecoming for a young woman.”</p>
<p>“Fuck that,” She growled. “I’m plenty becoming.”</p>
<p>“God, you’re amazing. We’d be great together.”</p>
<p>“Sorry, but I’m married to–”</p>
<p>“A warrior monk?”</p>
<p>“–My <em>work,</em> thank you.”</p>
<p>“Hey, if you’re gonna comment on Obi-Wan, I’m gonna comment on Anakin. Fair’s fair.”</p>
<p>“We should speak openly about it.”</p>
<p>“Why?”</p>
<p>Having found a dock, Padmé met my gaze, shrugging, “I know it would be nice for me. I thought it might be nice for you.”</p>
<p>“I’ve been with Obi-Wan for a week, and two days of that week, we were pretty much just friends. Anakin is your husband.”</p>
<p>“So?”</p>
<p>“You’re right. It’s nice. Normal. Thank you, Padmé.” I hopped out of the speeder and offered my hand to her with a smirk. “I say we continue the trend and go shoppin’.”</p>
<p>She laughed as I pulled her out, linking our arms and leading me to the nearest boutique.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The little excursion didn’t take nearly as long as I expected. Usually, I’m picky when it comes to fashion, especially for a special occasion, but I knew the right dress when I found it. Shining black with flecks of gold and bronze, completely backless, and a slit at my thigh, straps here and there. Qui-Gon – who had been gone since lunch – reappeared just as I was emerging from the changing room.</p>
<p>“Oh, Ergora…” He smiled lightly, “You’re a vision.”</p>
<p>I snorted, “You flatter me, Master Jinn. Where’s Padmé?”</p>
<p>“Oh, it’s not flattery. I can just imagine Obi-Wan’s reaction now.”</p>
<p>“Look, I’m not wearin’ this for Obi-Wan, I’m wearin’ it for me. If I’m goin’ to a ball, I’m gonna try an’ look good, ain’t I?”</p>
<p>“Well, that’s certainly a much better reason. I fully support you. But might I make a suggestion?”</p>
<p>“Mm… Yeah, I guess.”</p>
<p>Qui-Gon stepped behind me and gathered my hair in his hands, carefully twisting it into a topknot.</p>
<p>“If you’re going to go backless,” He explained as he directed me to the nearest mirror, “You shouldn’t hide it under all this hair. Besides…” I spotted his proud smile grow. “You look even more elegant. Obi-Wan is a sucker for elegance. Trust me.”</p>
<p>I sighed, “I don’t know, Qui. You don’t think it’s too much?”</p>
<p>“Ergo, how do you feel?”</p>
<p>“Uh… Good. Like it’s working.”</p>
<p>“Then it is. It’s just as you said. It’s about you, yes?”</p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p>“Then all that matters is how <em>you</em> feel.”</p>
<p>“Ergo, you look <em>amazing!”</em></p>
<p>“And that might help, as well, hm?”</p>
<p>I subtly rolled my eyes at Qui-Gon as I turned to face Padmé and said to her, “I thank you for your compliments, Senator.”</p>
<p>She grinned, “They’re well-deserved. Sorry I left you. I was just looking at the jewelry over on the other side of the store. We should find you something to go with the dress!”</p>
<p>“Padmé, I don’t actually have money for any of this. I can’t even buy this dress.”</p>
<p>“Whether you had money or not, I was planning on buying everything. You’re my date. I should be treating you.”</p>
<p>“And you’re willing to buy this <em>and </em>jewelry? You know it ain’t gonna be cheap, right?”</p>
<p>“Ergo,” With a soft smile, Padmé gently patted one of my hands, “I’ll buy you anything you want.”</p>
<p>“Well, ya certainly know how to spoil a girl, Senator. But I actually already have something in mind. You know, jewelry-wise. There’re a few things I haven’t worn in a long time that I’d like to again. Stuff I don’t think I should hide anymore.”</p>
<p>“Consider my interest piqued.”</p>
<p>“Oh, I’ll show you what I mean. But first, shoes. I… don’t have anything other than another pair of boots, and that’s really not the look I’m goin’ for.”</p>
<p>“I think you pull it off. But go ahead and change. Maybe I’ll find a little something for myself while you’re at it.”</p>
<p>Stepping back into the changing room, I laughed, “I wish you luck, Senator.” As I pulled the dress off, I called, “Somethin’ nice an’ shiny, you know? Draw Anakin’s eyes to allll the right places!”</p>
<p>“Alright, I wasn’t approving of <em>that</em> type of commentary!”</p>
<p>“Hey, I don’t see how different it is from what you said before.” </p>
<p>Qui-Gon huffed my name chidingly. I could only see his back, but I could tell he was smiling by the way he held his shoulders.</p>
<p>I stood on my toes to get a better view over the door, snarking, “Control your laughter, old man.”</p>
<p>“I’m not laughing,” Qui-Gon replied with a shake of his head.</p>
<p>“Mm, suuure.” He looked at me, eyebrows raised. “Alright, you’re not. But on the inside, right?”</p>
<p>“Perhaps.”</p>
<p>“Thaaat’s right, Jedi. Move. I’m comin’ out.”</p>
<p>“Magic word?”</p>
<p>“You asshole… Please, Qui? You’re in the way.”</p>
<p>With just a single chuckle, Qui-Gon stepped aside. I touched his shoulder in thanks as I passed him, and he smiled fondly at me.</p>
<p>“Who are you talking to?” Padmé inquired, coming around a corner with a paper parcel.</p>
<p>I laughed, “Oh… just a ghost.”</p>
<p>“A ghost?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. Some old Jedi.” Qui-Gon put a hand on my head, making me smile. “He’s alright, really. Just something to get used to. Welcome to the party, Senator.”</p>
<p>“Hm. I’m not sure it’s the strangest thing I’ve heard. Oh! I found you some shoes. You’ll have to have a pair made for you, but I think they’re worth it.”</p>
<p>“Lead the way.”</p>
<p>Yeah, they were worth it. They were simple beauties, those shoes. All they were was a pair of pointed black stilettos with a gold heel, but the simplicity of them is really what made them work perfectly. With a promise from the shop owner to have the shoes done in time for the ball and all items paid for, Padmé and I headed back to the speeder, Qui-Gon in tow.</p>
<p>Once the fallen Jedi had decided it best to fade away rather than try and situate himself somehow in the two seats, I said, “Hey, can we stop by– Well, the base or the Temple would work. Just to drop off what we already have.”</p>
<p>“Of course,” Padmé replied. “Are you sure it’s not about picking someone up?”</p>
<p>“Ha, ha, <em>no. </em>But if Obi-Wan is there and wants to come, he can. Who am I to stop him, huh?”</p>
<p>“Right.”</p>
<p>“Oh, shut up, Senator.”</p>
<p>Padmé’s bright laugh blew away with the wind, and I smiled into my hand, leaning out the side of the speeder. The Force was sighing all around me, just one big exhale of energy. It rushed through me, the crystal in my pocket chattering excitedly. I had long since grown used to the flutters and whispers that seemed to follow me through the Force. From my research, I’d decided my experience wasn’t exactly the norm for most Force-wielders. We all feel the shifts as the universe grew and changed, but that was more of a one in a while kinda thing. What I felt was constant, like always standing in the middle of a churning ocean <em>and </em>it’s raining. And when most Force-wielders sense a disturbance as a strange flicker, for me, it’s like that light little rainstorm is becoming a typhoon. I remember when Anakin Skywalker was born. Of course, I didn’t know it was him until I met him, and the Force started hissing, <em>“Chosen One!”</em> in my ear. I was lucky not to die when it happened. Just as I was flying away from a pit stop on an ice planet, the Force exploded into chaos. It raged around me, drowning out every sound and blurring my vision. I would’ve flown into a mountain had Wolf not been co-piloting. Then again, that’s why you don’t let a nine-year-old fly your <em>quite </em>expensive Corellian freighter. The stupid Mandalorian was just so determined to teach me.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>... pew, pew.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I laughed at my memories, and Padmé raised an eyebrow at me. </p><p>I quietly smiled, “Uh, nothing. Just thinking.” I looked up and realized we were parked in the hangar of the Republic base. “Oh! Damn, sorry! I totally zoned out.” I clambered out of the speeder, asking, “Uhhh, did you want to come with, or…?”</p><p>“No, I think I’ll wait here, thank you.”</p><p>“Right. Okay, be back in a minute!”</p><p>I grabbed my bag from the boutique and sprinted away, carefully maneuvering around clones and officers. I blew right past Obi-Wan without even noticing. He watched me as I slowly walked backward to him.</p><p>“Hey, hot stuff,” I grinned crookedly.</p><p>He bemusedly frowned, “Hello.”</p><p>I put one arm around his neck and pressed my other hand to his chest, purring, “What do you say I take you back to mine?”</p><p>“Ergo.” He cleared his throat, avoiding my eyes. “What are you doing?”</p><p>“Just teasing, General.” I stepped away with a smirk, and he followed me down the hall. “I just have to drop this off.”</p><p>“What’s in the bag?”</p><p>“Um… I think that’ll be a surprise for you. It’s much more fun that way.”</p><p>“Is it something devious?”</p><p>“No! I’m offended by the notion, General. I mean, it <em>could</em> be devious if I put a little effort into it, but I think we’ll just have to see.”</p><p>“Oh, dear.”</p><p>Opening the door to his quarters, I laughed, “Don’t <em>worry,</em> Obi-Wan!”</p><p>“Now, won’t people find it suspicious you’re storing something of yours in <em>my</em> room instead of the one we’ve provided for you?”</p><p>“Sweetheart, people probably find a lot of things suspicious about us. I try not to think about it too much. ‘Sides, it’s not like I’m <em>moving in.</em> All my stuff’s still back at my place.”</p><p>After an awkward little pause, Obi-Wan said, “I wasn’t aware you even <em>had</em> a place.”</p><p>“What, you assumed I was <em>homeless?</em> C’mon, man.”</p><p>“Well, you have been sleeping either here or the Temple when you could be staying somewhere more familiar and less… well… dangerous.”</p><p>“Obi-Wan, you idiot.” I set my dress in the closet and hugged Obi-Wan tightly from behind. “I’m here for <em>you,</em> dumbass. I’d much rather be around you than sitting all alone on my empty-ass ship. I <em>like</em> being around you. Obviously.”</p><p>“Is it really worth all the risk?”</p><p>My frown deep, I stepped in front of him, huffing, “Is it for you?”</p><p>“Ergo, of <em>course</em> it is!”</p><p>He cupped my cheeks, and I snapped, “Then what the hell did you think <em>I </em>was gonna say?”</p><p>“I don’t know!”</p><p>“You idiot!”</p><p>“I’m aware!”</p><p>A laugh escaped me, and Obi-Wan stared, chest puffed in annoyance.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” I sighed, “God… that was so stupid. I’m sorry.” I let my head fall to his chest with a groan. “You’re not the only idiot in this relationship.”</p><p>“Oh, you’re not taking that back, hm?’</p><p>“Nope.”</p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p>“Truth hurts.”</p><p>The Force chittered at me as Obi-Wan chuckled.</p><p>“Alright.” He nodded and lightly kissed my temple. “We’re both idiots. I’m sorry. This is worth anything, Ergo. Anything at all.”</p><p>“I know it is. That’s my point.”</p><p>“We’re alright?”</p><p>“Obi, that wasn’t even a fight. We’re fantastic. Okay? Now, Padmé’s sittin’ in the hangar waiting for us right now, so I suggest we get a move on. Yeah?”</p><p>Obi-Wan brought my hands up to his face, whispering, “Two minutes. Just two minutes.”</p><p>“Are you okay?”</p><p>“We just haven’t had enough of… <em>this </em>lately.”</p><p>“‘This?’”</p><p>Clearly searching for the right words, he intertwined our fingers and shifted closer to kiss my cheek.</p><p>“Just… intimacy,” He said. “Touch.”</p><p>“Right, yeah.” My face was burning under said touch. “I guess we haven’t.”</p><p>“All we’ve done is work and sleep, and it’s good, Ergo, what you’re doing, but… I missed you.”</p><p>My breath escaping me, I lightly laughed, “I didn’t think <em>you’d</em> be the one to complain about it.”</p><p>“Well, you never know what you’ll crave until you have it.”</p><p>“I know a thing or two about that.”</p><p>With my mind about eighty percent consumed by the feeling of open lips on my neck, hair tickling my skin, and two very determined, strong hands holding my hips, I didn’t notice I was backed against Obi-Wan’s desk until the edge pressed into my thigh and I found myself seated on it.</p><p>“Obi– Ah– Obi-Wan.” I clenched his tunic in my fists as he slipped his hands inside my pants. “Fuck– Wait, <em>fuck.”</em> With something between a giggle and a laugh, I grabbed his face, grinning, “Obi-Waaan.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>His muffled voice just made me laugh again, and I had to control myself as I insisted, “We really shouldn’t do this right now.”</p><p>“There’s a slight problem with that.”</p><p>“Yes, I’ve <em>noticed</em> there’s a ‘slight problem with that;’ a ‘slight problem with that is currently pressed against my thigh, and I have my own <em>‘slight problem with that,’</em> but Obi, if there’s one thing me and my overactive sex drive have learned, it’s sometimes, you just gotta get blue-balled. Nothin’ to do about it.”</p><p>“There are plenty of things to do about it. Plenty.”</p><p>“What would you know, Jedi?”</p><p>“Not much.” He moved my hand to kiss my neck. “That’s what you’re for.”</p><p>“Yes, sure, for fuck’s sake, <em>any time. </em>But… not right now.”</p><p>Defeated, he helped me off the desk. “Do you still want me to come?” He sighed.</p><p>“Pardon?”</p><p>
  <em>“Ergora.”</em>
</p><p>With a wicked smirk, I hummed, <em>“Yes,</em> Obi-Wan. I still want you to come. This is important to me.”</p><p>“Well, I can’t very well say no to that, can I?”</p><p>“You’d be a pretty shit boyfriend if you did.”</p><p>“I’m sorry, what was that?”</p><p>“A pretty. Shit. <em>Boyfriend.</em> C’mon, Jedi. We don’t want to keep the former Queen of Naboo waiting too long, do we?”</p><p>As we made our way to the hangar, Obi-Wan chuckled, “Ah, you’ve done your research, my dear.”</p><p>“Look, just because I don’t swear my allegiance to the Republic doesn’t mean I don’t keep up with it. I do <em>live</em> in it half the time, so it’s kinda worth knowin’ what’s goin’ on.”</p><p>“Even the Senators?”</p><p>“No. But the known ones. She’s known.”</p><p>“I suppose she has made quite the name for herself. As Queen and as Senator. I’m honored to have been able to watch over her growth. From afar, but still.”</p><p>“How long have you known her?”</p><p>“She was fourteen when we met. She was still Queen,” Obi-Wan chuckled sadly. “There was a dispute over trade routes.”</p><p>I felt a familiar, strong presence and met Qui-Gon’s gaze. He was standing a few feet down the hall, a grave expression staining his face.</p><p>Very carefully, I asked, “And how old were you?”</p><p>“Twenty-five. Wh–”</p><p>“And Qui-Gon?”</p><p>“He– Ah.”</p><p>“You never told me all that many details about how you lost him. And you don’t have to now, either. He’s just… you know.”</p><p>“Right.”</p><p>“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.”</p><p>“No.” Seeming to forget where he was, Obi-Wan stroked my cheek with his thumb. “Don’t apologize. I <em>will</em> tell you. I will. I promise.”</p><p>“Hey, that’s not the kinda thing you need to promise. What you <em>should</em> promise is that you’re okay. Yeah?”</p><p>“I’m perfect, Ergo. Let’s go find the former Queen of Naboo.”</p><p>Obi-Wan put a hand between my shoulders to usher me down the hall, Qui-Gon joining on my other side with a small smile. Padmé was waiting for us in a different speeder, this one with a backseat. She grinned at us as we walked up, a knowing sparkle in her eye.</p><p>“You two took your time,” She said.</p><p>Taking over the driver’s seat, I smirked, “Well, my deepest apologies, m’lady.”</p><p>“Oh, no, I don’t mind. Some things take time, after all.”</p><p>“Oh?” I lit up a cigarette as I entered the nearest flight lane, making Qui-Gon sigh quietly from where he was sitting in the back seat. “What exactly are you insinuating, darlin’?”</p><p>“Nothing at all, dear.”</p><p>Padmé was sitting next to Qui-Gon in the back, and I twisted around to cock an eyebrow at her.</p><p>“Eyes on the sky,” Obi-Wan chided stiffly, “You’re just like Anakin.”</p><p>“Sorry, Master Kenobi.” I patted his knee with a dark grin. “But I’m quite good at flyin’ blind. Force is my guide an’ all that.”</p><p>“Pardon me if I have a few doubts.”</p><p>“You’re pardoned, sweetheart.”</p><p>“Somehow–” He gripped the dashboard as I swerved around a slow-moving speeder. “–None of this is making me feel better.”</p><p>“Ah, well… Unfortunate.”</p><p>Laughing, Padmé queried, “Have you told him, Ergo?”</p><p>“No, no. It makes for much too perfect of a surprise.”</p><p>“You know, I think you’re right about that. Let’s just keep it to ourselves. Oh, it’ll be wonderful.”</p><p>“Right?”</p><p>“Should I be concerned?” Obi-Wan inquired cautiously.</p><p>“Nah. Nothin’ nefarious.”</p><p>“I should trust you, however…”</p><p>“Heeey.”</p><p>“I have only known you a week. And you had somewhere to sleep this entire time. Where are we even going?”</p><p>“‘Going?’ We’re here, sweetheart.” </p><p>We slowed to a stop just outside an open space filled with various ships and crates.</p><p>“The docks?” Obi-Wan said.</p><p>“Yeah. I told you it was a ship, man. Cooome on. Let’s get to it before one of the smugglers I was workin’ for around here gets a little pissy about losin’ their labor force.”</p><p>Just as predicted, I got a few heated glances as I led the way to where my humble freighter was docked, but no one caused any trouble. I guess it helps to have a Jedi around. In the very last dock sat my ship, the poor thing gathering dust.</p><p>Grinning, I announced, “Senator Amidala, General Kenobi, Master Jinn, may I introduce you to the <em>Star Hunter.</em> Home sweet home.”</p><p>“‘The <em>Star Hunter?’” </em>Padmé huffed.</p><p>“Yeah… My father was a little dorky. He probably thought it was a cool name at the time. If only I’d been there to stop him.”</p><p>Hands on his hips as he studied the freighter, Obi-Wan suggested, “You could rename it.”</p><p>“Obi, you know I would never do that. It’s Wolf’s ship.”</p><p>“I understand. This is a YT-1930, is it not?”</p><p>“Yeah. With a few extra guns and better engines, but the base is still the same. Are we goin’ inside or are we gonna stare at ‘er all day?” I produced a remote from my pocket and pushed a button to lower the boarding ramp. “All aboooard!”</p><p>All three of my companions laughed and followed me onto the ship. With both my surrogate father and I hosting an artistic side, there were few spaces on the walls that weren’t painted.</p><p>“These are beautiful,” Obi-Wan murmured, brushing his fingers along a detailed mural of wolves marking one of many secret compartments.</p><p>I smiled, “Thank you. This one took us weeks and weeks.” I pushed a hidden button with my toe and the compartment opened. “This is what I wanted to show you. Everything that matters is in this locker. Take your pick of the lot, I guess.”</p><p>Obi-Wan pulled out an old helmet, and Padmé gasped, “That’s a Mandalorian helmet.”</p><p>“Yeah. My father’s.”</p><p><em>“You’re</em> a Mandalorian?”</p><p>“Yep. One of the last of the old regime. That’s why my dad was in exile. After the Mando-Jedi Wars and the desolation of Mandalore, we were split. There are two main factions: New Mandalore, which is the official government of our people, and Death Watch. Wolf, my father, was unwilling to abandon the old religion. He still believed in it, so he didn’t fit on New Mandalore. But he didn’t agree with Death Watch, either. They’re terrorists, extremists. They’ve bastardized the warrior religion. We couldn’t go with them. All the other factions are either too secretive or too unorganized. Wolf was on his own when I met him. I was the only family he had. After a while, he was the only family I had, too.” I took a deep breath. “Well. Didn’t mean to give a history lesson. Sorry about that.”</p><p>Obi-Wan handed me Wolf’s helmet, gently asking, “Are you alright?”</p><p>“Yeah… Yeah. The history of my people – and <em>me</em> – is… complicated.” I traced the white lines painted onto the black helmet. “Remember when I said I never knew his face?”</p><p>Obi-Wan nodded, his hand on my shoulder.</p><p>“I lied. There was only one time. When he was dying… he asked me to take it off. The helmet. He said–” I smiled and held the helmet to my forehead. “He said he wanted to see me with his own eyes one last time. It, uh… It takes a few minutes to die from a stab wound. Especially from a lightsaber. ‘Cause it’s cauterized by the blade. There were a lot of things he said that day. He told me to take this necklace.” I set down the helmet to show them a leather cord with a Mythosaur skull icon. “To remind me of who I am. Of the old ways of Mandalore and the strength of our ancestors. He made me promise to find an armorer for the beskar he had hidden away in here. He told me to be proud of who I am, as proud as he was, and to never, ever, under any circumstances, lose myself. That was the last thing he could get out before he was gone.”</p><p>As if he could predict what I was going to say next, Qui-Gon sighed, “Ergo, wait.”</p><p>“I let him down.”</p><p>“No–”</p><p>“I <em>let him down.</em> I’ve been hiding. I haven’t carried the Mythosaur, I haven’t fought to find an armorer, I haven’t been <em>proud.</em> I lost myself. But… I think maybe I can make up for it now. Maybe if I finally stop hiding, I can make up for it. It’s dangerous… to be a Mandalorian, to be a Force-wielder… but there’s no use acting like it’s a crime. It’s <em>not</em> a <em>crime.</em> It’s who I am. People like you guys have made me realize that. It’s okay. Right?”</p><p>“Ergo,” Obi-Wan smiled, “Of course it is.” He took the icon from my shaking hands and carefully tied it around my neck. “You don’t have to hide. And even if it is dangerous, I’ve already told you. I’ll protect you.”</p><p>Padmé added, “Hey, and you’ll always have someone in the Senate looking out for you. Okay?”</p><p>“Well, there’s little I can do,” Qui-Gon sighed, “But you know I’ll support you. As best I can, young one.”</p><p>“It’s been a long time since I’ve felt safe.” I laughed breathlessly. “I forgot how good it is.”</p><p>The three of them rested hands on my shoulders with relieved grins. All I needed were those three hands. I touched the Mythosaur skull, carefully set Wolf’s helmet on a ledge in the wall, and strolled out of the ship with my heart set in the right place again. I hadn’t even gotten a foot off the ramp before someone called me.</p><p>“Ergo Saxon!”</p><p>It was one of the brothers from the morning after I slept with Obi-Wan, from the job I missed. He looked a complete mess, as if he hadn’t slept or washed himself in days. I had seen that look on someone before. About two seconds before I got a bullet in my shoulder and another ripping though my side. The fact that the man was shakily holding a blaster at me didn’t exactly comfort me.</p><p>“Calla.” I swallowed, taking a careful step forward, “What are you doing?”</p><p>“It’s your fault!”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“My brothers are <em>dead</em> because of you! And I’m next! If I’m a dead man, you’re comin’ with me, sweetheart!”</p><p>He fired with a shout, and I easily dodged the bolt, snapping, “Don’t shoot at me, boy. That’s a warnin’ for <em>your</em> sake.”</p><p>He didn’t heed my words. He kept shooting, and I deflected each bolt with a flick of my wrist, taking another step with each blast until his blaster was jammed into my ribs and I had my hand around his throat.</p><p>“I told you not to shoot,” I growled, slowly closing my hand. “You shoulda listened.”</p><p>“Ergora!”</p><p>“Qui, <em>don’t.”</em></p><p>Calla strained to hiss, “You better kill me,” saliva stringing down his lips. “You better fuckin’ kill me, sweetheart, or you’re as dead as me.”</p><p>“Your lucky day.”</p><p>Though Qui-Gon was shouting my name, though I could hear Obi-Wan and Padmé coming down the ramp, I squeezed. As the blue-faced smuggler’s last breath left his lips, one last bolt left his blaster, burning a hole right through my abdomen. I didn’t fall right away. I stumbled back first, clutching my stomach, and when I collapsed, it was into a strong pair of arms. Obi-Wan carefully set me on the ground, his hand covering my wound.</p><p>“Ergo!” He gasped. <em>“Ergo!</em> No, no…”</p><p>“Obi-Wan, I’m <em>fine–</em> Ah! Nope, not fine, not fine!”</p><p>“Just lie still!”</p><p>Tears hit my cheeks, but they weren’t mine.</p><p>“No, Obi– <em>Fuck, </em>I hate it when this happens! You hear that whistling? My lung is torn. It’ll collapse any second now. Puncture it with the pen in my pocket, then get me to a hospital, Obi-Wan. You’re a soldier. Use it.”</p><p>“I’m not–”</p><p><em>“Use</em> it, Obi-Wan. I can’t–”</p><p>Just as I’d predicted, my lung gave out, and I was left gasping for air.</p><p>“No! No, <em>fuck!”</em> Obi-Wan desperately searched my jacket, coming up with the pen in seconds. “Fuck, Ergo, I don’t have training in medicine, I have training in <em>weapons!”</em></p><p>If I had enough breath to yell at him, I would’ve. Instead, I pulled my shirt away from my chest and tapped the bare skin, smearing an ‘x’ of blood.</p><p>“Are you sure?” Obi-Wan winced.</p><p>I hacked angrily at him in reply.</p><p>“Please be right.”</p><p>Jaw clenched, he punched a hole in my chest, right though the ‘x.’ With the removal of the pen, I could breathe again. The air burned my lungs as I rushed to pull it in.</p><p>“Force…” I rasped.</p><p>Padmé grimaced, “What now?”</p><p>“Uhh… hospital? Before I <em>die?”</em></p><p>I tried to sit up, and Obi-Wan gently pushed me back down, saying, “Well, <em>that’s</em> not helping. We need–” He surged towards a woman as she sat on her bike. “You! I need your bike. Jedi business.”</p><p>Though she didn’t look too happy about it, she gave up the bike. And that was the last thing I saw before my body found victory over my hard-headed determination.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>... pew... pew.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Will is a funny thing. With a strong enough will, you can find your way out of most situations. Unexpected attacks, imprisonment, your own body’s need to go into shock. And if you have a will even stronger than that, if you fight tooth and nail, you can even overcome a medically induced coma. I have a damn strong will. You have to, with my kind of life. I was able to get out of the coma they put me in wherever Obi-Wan had taken me, but when I finally found my consciousness, everything was wrong. I was in something thick and cold, the substance blinding me. There was a mask over my face so I could breath, but in a sudden onslaught of panic, I ripped it away. The second it was gone, the bacta I was floating in flooded my nose, filled my mouth with a bitter, medicinal taste. I tried to scream, but I only ended up taking more bacta into my lungs. Desperate not to drown, I reached out until I found glass under my fingers. It shattered under the pressure of my panic, and I spilled out onto a linoleum floor, glass cutting me as I scrambled to my feet. My eyes were finally clear of the bacta, but fury kept me blind. The bacta rose all around me as the Force roared with it, forming whip-like tentacles. No longer helpless locked in my own mind, I stalked forward. I was too lost in myself to recognize where I was, or the first people I saw, not even their presence in the Force. I just struck out, determined to inflict on them the same suffering I’d just gone though. There’s always this internal struggle I seem to have when I really lose it. I’m not special or anything; it happens to everyone, but something about it is just so specific to me. See, there’s my rational mind, and then there’s the rest of it. My instincts and my emotions are a bit like one great beast, always there, always ready to explode. The rational mind is the kingdom next door. It’s well-fortified, but when the beast wants to take over, it’s gonna take over, and there’s very little that poor kingdom of logic and sense can do. That’s what it’s like when I lose my shit. Well, unfortunately for my dragon-like rage, one of the men didn’t react quite how he should’ve. While the other choked on the bacta I forced down his throat, this one just stepped forward and called my name. His voice, deep, calm, warm, and filtered by the same mask that was protecting him from my assault, pierced the burning veil of fury, and with the beast stilled by it, I could see again. One of the men, the one who had freed my mind, was Plo Koon. The other, the one with a tendril of bacta crammed up each nostril and another reaching almost into his lungs, was Obi-Wan. He held my wide eyes, silent forgiveness already in his gaze. Qui-Gon was there too, as he always was, and he gently pulled me against his chest as I struggled. It was like his touch reached the panicking beast inside, soothing it just as much as me.</p>
<p>“Let go, child,” He whispered. “It’s alright.” The bacta splashed to the floor, and I heard Obi-Wan fall. “That’s right. You’re alright.”</p>
<p>
  <em>“Buir?”</em>
</p>
<p>“I– Yes. Yes, if that is what you wish of me.”</p>
<p>
  <em>“Buir?”</em>
</p>
<p>“Shh, child.”</p>
<p><em>“Buir, </em>where…?”</p>
<p>“You’re safe, Ergora.”</p>
<p>“Safe…?”</p>
<p>“Yes. You’re safe. Let it go.”</p>
<p>“Qui…” I took a shaky step back, clutching the spirit’s arms for stability. “I can’t– I can’t–”</p>
<p>“Take your time, Ergo. Find your words again. You can do it.”</p>
<p>“I can’t… I can’t… feel… my legs. I don’t…” I crumpled, and Qui-Gon eased me onto the floor. “Where am I? I don’t… Where am I?”</p>
<p>“You’re in the Jedi Temple,” Plo Koon answered, crouching in front of me, “What do you remember?”</p>
<p>I touched the back of his hand with a frown, saying, “Wolves… I remember… Wolf. I– I was on my ship, but… Someone shot me. I killed him. I… Obi.” </p>
<p>I snapped my head up to seek out Obi-Wan. He was already on his way over to me, reaching out to me from the floor.</p>
<p>“Obi-Wan!” I cried. “I– I woke up in the bacta tank, I– I was confused! I didn’t– I wasn’t–!”</p>
<p>He took my face in his hands, croaking, “I’m alright, Ergo. I’m alright.”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry! I wasn’t thinking straight!”</p>
<p>“You don’t need to apologize, my love. Everyone is fine. Are you hurt? It must have been difficult getting out of the tank.”</p>
<p>“My legs…”</p>
<p>“I know.” Obi-Wan carefully lay my legs out in front of me. “It’s an effect of the bacta tank. It will wear off in a few minutes– Ergo, your feet!”</p>
<p>“My feet?”</p>
<p>I followed Obi-Wan’s stare to find my feet full of glass, blood mixing with the bacta on the floor.</p>
<p>“We have to get you back to the hospital wing,” He said as he began to gather me in his arms. “You’re not meant to be awake yet.”</p>
<p>“Obi-Wan, wait!” </p>
<p>He lifted me, making pain flare out from my abdomen. I choked back a scream and clung to his tunic.</p>
<p>“Are you alright?” He asked guiltily.</p>
<p>“Not particularly!” I screeched.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. We’re not far. Just hold on a minute longer.”</p>
<p>Obi-Wan tried to be gentle with me, but I still had sweat rolling down my spine as he set me on one of the beds in the hospital wing.</p>
<p>“Lie down,” He ordered. “You’re going to hurt yourself.”</p>
<p>I groaned, “Oh, how much worse could it get?”</p>
<p>One of the doctors rushed up to us like she was on a whole war path, saying, “Quite a lot worse, actually.” She quite aggressively yanked a drawer open, whipped out a syringe, and stuck it in my neck. “What are you doing out of your tank?”</p>
<p>“Well, I <em>woke up,</em> so I assume somebody fucked up!”</p>
<p>“Oh, please. I gave you exactly what I would’ve given anyone else I put in bacta. Now, lie down. You’re going back.”</p>
<p>“The fuck I am!” I dropped from the bed and quickly discovered I had feeling in my lower limbs again. “I don’t need a <em>bacta tank</em> to heal! In case you didn’t know, bodies do that <em>naturally!</em> I’m fine!” </p>
<p>Little shards of glass sank deeper into my feet as I shifted my weight, and Qui-Gon forced me back onto the bed.</p>
<p>“At least let her take care of your feet,” He sighed.</p>
<p>I scowled, “Fine. Bandage my feet, check my wound, but then I’m gone, doc. I don’t do bacta tanks.”</p>
<p>The doctor said, “I <em>really</em> wouldn’t suggest you leave without at least another day in there.”</p>
<p>“Wait, how long have I been in there?”</p>
<p>“Two days, Ergo.” Obi-Wan replied, “And that wasn’t nearly enou–”</p>
<p><em>“Two days?!</em> There ain’t no <em>way</em> I’m goin’ back!”</p>
<p>“Ergo, you need to–”</p>
<p>“No! I don’t need to speed up a process my body will already go through on its own! I know it’s better to just go with the bacta, but I don’t <em>need</em> to. Doc, I’ll be fine if I just heal naturally, right?”</p>
<p>The doctor sighed, “Yes, you will be. Your lung is already perfectly fixed, and your wound has made progress. As long as you don’t strain the stitches, you’ll be alright. But you <em>mustn’t</em> partake in any excess physical activity. Let yourself heal. Then you can get back to normal.”</p>
<p>“Hey, sounds good to me. I’ve done it a thousand times. So just take care of my feet, and I’m fine. Yeah?”</p>
<p>“Alright. If that’s what you want, I won’t force you.” She shot a pointed look at Obi-Wan and Plo Koon. “I expect you two will respect her wishes as well.”</p>
<p>Plo agreed in a reserved voice, and though he looked quite unhappy about it, Obi-Wan nodded. Sighing softly, he sat next to me and stroked the back of my neck as the doctor started the long process of ridding my feet of glass.</p>
<p>“You know,” He murmured, probably to distract me, “I’ve never seen someone be so <em>precise</em> with the Force. Not even Master Windu.”</p>
<p>Through gritted teeth, I grunted, “What, you mean when I was drowning you?”</p>
<p>“Yes. While it was certainly unpleasant, I couldn’t help but be impressed by your ability. How did you learn such precision?”</p>
<p>“I have an… abnormal relationship with the Force. I don’t exactly <em>use</em> it in the same sense as you or anyone else. I more… converse with it. At least, I used to. Less so now. Sometimes it helps because what I want translates seamlessly, but sometimes it hinders me. It’s not a perfect relationship, but it’s the only one I got with it, and it’s how I’ve lived since I was… I dunno, four? So, I guess you could say… we’re attuned to each other, the Force and me. That’s how.”</p>
<p>“Interesting… I must admit, I have <em>no</em> idea what you’re talking about.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, sounds about right. It’s hard to explain. It just… is what it is.”</p>
<p>“Just… how attuned?”</p>
<p>“Really?”</p>
<p>“If you don’t want to–”</p>
<p>“No, it’s fine. Uhh…” I grabbed a cup of water from the bedside table and held it between my legs. “I used to practice this all the time when I was little. It always made Wolf happy.”</p>
<p>As I held my hands in the air, the water in the cup began to vibrate with the natural buzzing of the Force. I twitched my fingers, and the Force listened. The water rose from the cup, twisting and writhing until it formed a little figure. With another twitch of my fingers, details emerged, making the figure a Mandalorian, jetpack and all.</p>
<p>“I like sculpting like this.” I smiled as the little Mandalorian flew around. “It’s relaxing.”</p>
<p>Obi-Wan mused, “I suppose it’s some form of meditation. Is it difficult for you?”</p>
<p>“It can be. It’s easier when it’s from memory. Gives me something to focus on. I guess that’s kinda the meditation part, huh?”</p>
<p>“This is incredible, Ergo.”</p>
<p>“Maybe. I think I’m just used to this being the norm. You know?”</p>
<p>“I do. But this is incredible.”</p>
<p>I laughed and leaned against his side, my face pressed into his shoulder.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Look, I don't hate her. In fact, I think she's a great character. But... she'd totally do something like this.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was a tedious few days until the Senate ball. First order of business: Clothes. Mine seemed to keep getting holes in them, so Obi-Wan had had a set of robes made for me while I was in the bacta tank. Lemme tell you something, Jedi robes? They may function better than you think, but they are a <em>hassle</em> to take on and off every day, especially when you can’t lift your arms above your head without reopening a gunshot wound. But my new style wasn’t what made the time tedious. That was my choice in activities to fill my days. As much as I wanted to go against medical advice and continue to train the younglings in combat, Obi-Wan kept too close of an eye on me for me to get away. My only other options were meditation, history, and philosophy. I do enjoy history and philosophy, but only once in a while, and I discovered I’m actually much better at teaching it in combat. I don’t know, I’m good at thinking while fighting. So, instead of sticking around the temple, I shadowed Cody in his training exercises. Basically, I spent three days showing up a trained military commander in strategy sessions (“No, no, <em>vod’ika.</em> Attack from .35, not .45. The descent angle is better.” “How are you not worse at this?”) and shouting at clones (“C’mooon, Reed! You can do better than that!” “Why is she even <em>here?!”).</em> Hey, but even if the 212th didn’t get my involvement, I proved my worth to them, and by the end of three days, they saw my place amongst their ranks, treating me the same way they would any commander, even Cody. Like I was one of them. And the 212th weren’t the only ones. While days were spent with Obi-Wan’s troops, nights, I went drinking with the boys of the 105th Legion, Rex having invited me out. There’s quite a lot of solidarity between soldiers, especially when drinking together. They got their fair share of <em>“vod’ika”</em>s, too, and I got my recognition as someone worthy of their time. And worthy of their hair skills, apparently. The day of the ball, Rex, and his field medic, Kix, found me slowly stirring porridge at an empty table in the mess hall.</p>
<p>“Hello, Commander,” Rex greeted as they sat on either side of me. “How are you?”</p>
<p>I frowned, “Uh… fine, Rex. You know I hold no rank in the Grand Army of the Republic, right?”</p>
<p>“You might as well with the way you’ve been trainin’ the 212th.”</p>
<p>“Ah. You’ve been talkin’ to Cody. Is he complaining?”</p>
<p>“I wouldn’t call it that. More… celebrating. Apparently, you’re quite a good trainer.”</p>
<p>“Is that what he said? Well…” I smiled and set my spoon down. “What are you two even doing here?”</p>
<p>Kix shrugged, “You looked down. Where’s General Kenobi?”</p>
<p>“Meeting,” I sighed.</p>
<p>“Got it.”</p>
<p>“So, what? I looked down and you guys wanted to cheer me up or somethin’?”</p>
<p>“Are you so surprised?” Rex asked.</p>
<p>“Uhh… On second thought, no. Jesse drunkenly called me his brother last night. But look, guys, I’m fine. I’m just tired.”</p>
<p>“Yeeeah… I don’t believe you. What’s wrong, half pint?”</p>
<p>“Hey, I’m decades older than you, <em>vod’ika.”</em></p>
<p>“C’mon.”</p>
<p>“Fine, fine. I guess… my life has changed a lot in the past two weeks. I feel like something’s missing. Like there’s one last piece before I’m… whatever I am now.”</p>
<p>“Well,” Kix said, “Just do what we do.”</p>
<p>“What do you do?”</p>
<p>Rex explained, “Represent the interior on the exterior.”</p>
<p>“Ah. The hair.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, the hair. Along with tattoos, the paintings on our armor. So?”</p>
<p>“Well… I’m not sure I can adequately represent my change with a tat, and I’m kinda savin’ my armor for something else.”</p>
<p>“Hair, then.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I can work with hair. I think… I have an idea. Rex, how good are you at bleaching?”</p>
<p>“Pretty good.”</p>
<p>“You’re hired. Here’s my vision…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>So, I met Padmé at her apartment with the bottom third of my hair bleached white, and hours later, we stood arm and arm in a shining ballroom, both of us completely unabashed in our own skin. We were quite the pair, the two of us, the perfect duo in my sleek black dress and her pale gold gown. In fact, we had somewhat accidentally ended up matching our makeup to the other’s choice in color. When she was applying my eye shadow, Padmé said, “It’s to bring out that little hint of gold in your eyes,” but I really think she was acting a slave to our joint aesthetic. Not that I had any problem with it. She pulled off an excellent smokey eye, especially with the gold glitter she threw in there. My brain for coordinated fashion was ever so pleased. As we were making our way through the room, greeting people with every step we took, we heard a distinct, “Oh, <em>fuck me,”</em> and curiously turned to face the source. I smirked at Obi-Wan, who was standing guard with Anakin, both of them staring as if witnessing an act of God. </p>
<p>“Well, I can put it on my to-do list, General Kenobi,” I purred, “But I do believe you and I are both quite busy tonight.”</p>
<p>His face redder than I had ever had the pleasure of seeing, Obi-Wan cleared his throat and remarked, “I didn’t expect to see the two of you together tonight.”</p>
<p>“Why? Because we’re both women? How very old-fashioned of you.”</p>
<p>“No, of course not. You both just seem like the kind of people to come alone just to prove it should have no stigma.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I guess I can see that. But I wouldn’t have gotten into this place without Padmé.”</p>
<p>“And what a shame that would have been,” Padmé said. “If there’s anyone who shouldn’t miss out on an event such as this, it’s someone who brings as much beauty as you do.”</p>
<p>“Well, now you’re just flatterin’ me, m’lady.”</p>
<p>“Not at all, not at all.”</p>
<p>I caught jealousy sparking in Anakin’s eyes and snorted, “Relax, Skywalker. While I’m sure Senator Amidala and I are bound to get into our fair share of trouble, there are lines I have no intention of crossing. Ya get me?”</p>
<p>Anakin looked less than convinced.</p>
<p>Padmé laughed, “Oh, maybe I ought to entertain poor Master Skywalker for a bit. Come on, Ani, we can chase down some hors d’oeuvres.”</p>
<p>She took Anakin by the arm and pulled him away, leaving Obi-Wan and I to our own very <em>awkward</em> devices. Honestly, the two of us had no idea what to do with ourselves.</p>
<p>“So,” Obi-Wan said. “Your hair.”</p>
<p>I smiled, “Yeah, me an’ Rex did it. I wanted a change.”</p>
<p>“I like it. It suits you. It’s a bit… ethereal. In a good way, of course.”</p>
<p>“Ethereal, huh? Interesting choice in descriptor.” I rubbed the edge of his tunic between my thumb and my forefinger, musing, “I do wish the protective detail had gotten gussied up tonight. I’d have loved to see what you threw together.”</p>
<p>He chuckled, “I’m sure you would have. You know, I never thought I’d see you out of pants, but here you are, very much so out of them. And– Is that a hunting knife I see strapped to your leg?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know, Master Kenobi. Are you looking at my legs?”</p>
<p>This time, he knew he had set himself up for the comment, and he quietly hummed, “Perhaps,” his lips curling into a suggestive smile.</p>
<p>“Good. That was my goal.”</p>
<p>Qui-Gon came striding up to us through – and I mean <em>through – </em>the milling crowd to stand just behind his former Padawan and say, “Once you two are quite done with all the foreplay, might I suggest you ask him to dance?”</p>
<p>“Foreplay?” I mouthed, and Qui-Gon gave me an urging look, his smile bringing a warm glow to his eyes.</p>
<p>I grinned, “Alright, alright. Obi-Wan.”</p>
<p>“Hmm?” He replied.</p>
<p>“Seeing as this is a ball, would you care to dance?”</p>
<p>“Jedi don’t dance, Ergora.”</p>
<p>“Don’t, or can’t?”</p>
<p>“Oh, I <em>can.”</em></p>
<p>“Okay, prove it, Jedi.” I held out my hand. “Dance with me.”</p>
<p>“Well… if that’s what it takes, my dear.”</p>
<p>Grinning brightly, Obi-Wan took my hand, threw an arm around my waist, and swept me onto the dance floor. I laughed as we spun around to the lively waltz played by the string quintet in the corner of the room. Obi-Wan Kenobi could indeed dance. The waltz wasn’t much proof of it, but when it evolved into a sort of quickstep, I found I had to work to keep up. But even if I was starting to breathe a bit harder, even if there was sweat beading on my forehead, I was in complete ecstasy. My wide grin made my cheeks sore, it was so persistent. Neither Obi-Wan nor I paid any mind to those around us. We just kept dancing and dancing, happily trapped in our own little world together. Well, until an excited little voice broke through.</p>
<p>“Master Kenobi, are you <em>dancing?”</em></p>
<p>“Ahsoka!” I greeted giddily over Obi-Wan’s shoulder. “Good to see you again, little one!”</p>
<p>Still in disbelief, she crossed her arms and huffed, “Yes, it’s nice to see you, too, Master.” She caught her little blunder and stammered, “Er, uh, Ergo. Sorry, I’ve seen you teaching at the Temple. I honestly forgot you weren’t one of us.”</p>
<p>Obi-Wan chided, “That’s quite an unpleasant way of putting it, young Padawan.”</p>
<p>“Sorry, Master. I didn’t mean it like that.”</p>
<p>“It’s alright, ‘Soka,” I chuckled fondly. “I know you meant no harm by it. Now, I believe you were surprised to find Obi-Wan dancing?”</p>
<p>“Very surprised. I didn’t even know he <em>could</em> dance.”</p>
<p>“Why must you people doubt me?” Obi-Wan tsked.</p>
<p>I laughed, “Oh, shush, you.”</p>
<p>With a clever smirk, Ahsoka pointedly said, “Master, didn’t you say something about being on guard all night? I’m not so sure you’re following your own rule.”</p>
<p>“As if you mind, Ahsoka.”</p>
<p>“I’m afraid she is right,” Obi-Wan sighed. “I really ought to keep myself focused.”</p>
<p>“I see.”</p>
<p>“Ergo–”</p>
<p>“No, it’s okay, Obi-Wan.” I stepped away, and he furrowed his brow at me, the misery in his eyes edging on that of a guilty puppy. “Hey, I needed a break, anyway. My stomach, you know?”</p>
<p>“Alright… If you’re sure. At least allow me to show you to the bar so you can rest.”</p>
<p>“I’ll take ya up on that deal, Jedi.”</p>
<p>I took his elbow so he could lead me over to the small bar set up against one wall of the ballroom. He eased me onto one of the stools, his hands gentle and careful.</p>
<p>“Thank you, Obi-Wan,” I smiled. I squeezed his hands to assure him of my acceptance of our complicated situation. “I’m okay if you have to get back to your whole protective detail thing.”</p>
<p>He frowned, “Are you sure?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I’m sure. Seriously. I’m good, Obi.”</p>
<p>“Well, I do seem to be leaving you in good hands.”</p>
<p>“Meaning?”</p>
<p>“Ergo, there’s someone I’d like you to meet.” He put a hand on my shoulder and gestured to the blond woman sitting at the other end of the bar. “This is Satine, Duchess of Mandalore.”</p>
<p>I stiffened as the Duchess turned to look at us.</p>
<p>“Ah,” She said coolly. “I’m sorry to say Ms. Saxon and I have already met, Master Kenobi.”</p>
<p>Within seconds, I had my knife at her throat, seething, “You cold little <em>bitch.”</em></p>
<p>His presence in the Force bristling, Obi-Wan threw his arms around me and yanked me back, but not before I could draw blood.</p>
<p>Satine just wiped the droplets away, narrowing her eyes at me and sneering, “Yes, so lovely to see you again, Ergora. I see you’ve taken to sporting the mythosaur skull, now.” I gripped my knife. “I suppose I’ll have to reiterate what I expressed to you the last time we encountered.”</p>
<p>“Oh, <em>fuck you, you–”</em></p>
<p>Clearly with no idea what else to do, Obi-Wan tightened his hold on me as Satine continued. “Not only do you associate with Clan Saxon <em>– House Vizsla – </em>the greatest traitors we have ever seen, but you are <em>not</em> of Mandalore. You have no right–”</p>
<p>“Being a Mandalorian isn’t about blood, Satine!”</p>
<p>“Do refrain from making a scene–”</p>
<p>“No!I was a <em>foundling!</em> Not a Mandalorian by blood, no, but by <em>heart!</em> By <em>soul!</em> More so than you, with your, your hopeless <em>pacifism,</em> letting your people suffer and die just to avoid a fight!” </p>
<p>I escaped Obi-Wan’s grasp, but he swiftly stepped between Satine and I, holding me back with one arm. Still, I screamed on. </p>
<p>“I was taught the ways of the <em>true</em> Mandalorians! I have more of a right to that heritage than you could ever dream of <em>because </em>I was a <em>foundling, </em>Satine! Or did you forget us along with all the other ideals your people, <em>our people,</em> were built on when you abandoned our traditions, when you threw out the old religion to die?” </p>
<p>Now Anakin and Ahsoka had been drawn over as well, and I was desperately clutching Obi-Wan’s forearms as angry tears streamed down my cheeks. He whispered my name, but it was no use.</p>
<p>“You should be <em>ashamed</em> of yourself, Duchess. Ashamed of your prejudice, ashamed of how you’ve isolated your planet, ashamed of the people you’ve forced into exile, and yes, ashamed of what you did to <em>me.</em> Because you know what I am? I’m a <em>foundling,</em> Satine. Saved by the old ways you’ve so recklessly left to rot. And look what was left behind.”</p>
<p>Finally, it was all just too much. I ripped myself away from Obi-Wan and sprinted out of the ballroom, leaving a trail of shocked politicians and turbulent Force in my wake.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>It's the cultural genocide for me.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Alright kids, we're back at it.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was about five minutes before Obi-Wan caught up with me. I had found a quiet little garden with a bench just in front of a trickling water feature. I was sitting on it with my head in my hands, Qui-Gon gently rubbing my shoulders. </p>
<p>“There’s something between them,” I whispered. </p>
<p>“Ergo…” </p>
<p>“He must be <em>pissed.” </em> </p>
<p>Before Qui-Gon could say anything to reassure me, Obi-Wan walked up, frowning, “Why would I be angry?” </p>
<p>I inhaled quietly. “Obi-Wan… I didn’t think you’d come after me. I thought you’d have to take care of the Duchess.” </p>
<p>“Ergo, why would I be angry?” </p>
<p>“Why<em> wouldn’t </em>you? Look at what I did. I could’ve <em>killed </em>her. If you hadn’t stopped me… I honestly don’t know.” </p>
<p>“No, no, Ergo.” Obi-Wan crouched in front of me and took my hands in his. “I don’t know what happened between you and Satine, but from what I gathered… You were understandably upset. You couldn’t help it.” </p>
<p>“Yeah. Right.” I sniffed, “What are you doin’ out here, anyway? Shouldn’t you be in there with her?” </p>
<p>“What are you talking about?” </p>
<p>“How do you know her?” </p>
<p>“She’s the leader of the Neutral Systems.” </p>
<p>“No. No. Something about the way you said her name. It held so much. Do you love her, Obi-Wan?” </p>
<p>“Ergo–” </p>
<p>“Don’t lie. That’s so much worse.” </p>
<p>“I did love her, yes. But that was a long time ago. I’ve moved on. You should know that more than anyone.” </p>
<p>I furrowed my brow at him. “What do you mean?” </p>
<p>“Ergo, I–” I could see his strain, feel it in my lungs. “I don’t know how…” He held my face. “Oh, but you must know, my dear. Don’t you know?” </p>
<p>“No!” </p>
<p>“I just– Darling, I wish it weren’t so– Oh, Ergo… Why can’t my life ever just be simple? Just the once! The universe couldn’t manage that?” </p>
<p>“You think<em> your </em>life’s complicated?” I leaped to my feet. “Obi-Wan, that woman you just told me you once loved? I honestly wouldn’t hesitate to call her the bane of my existence. You don’t know <em>complicated.” </em> </p>
<p>“What did she do to you that was so horrible?” </p>
<p>“What, you don’t believe me?” </p>
<p>“I <em>do,</em> I just don’t understand, Ergo. I only want to understand.” </p>
<p>“Yes, no one seems to these days!” </p>
<p>“My love, please.”  </p>
<p>He cupped my cheek, and I pressed into the tender touch, hoarsely whispering, “Obi-Wan, of all that’s happened to me, of all the injustices, you must know, this one cut the deepest by far. It’d be kinder not to tell you.” </p>
<p>“Kinder, perhaps, but I don’t wish to be kept ignorant. Even if it hurts, I must know who Satine really is.” </p>
<p>“If it hurts you, or me?” </p>
<p>“If it hurts you, even in the slightest, you stop. I won’t have it.” </p>
<p>Tears welling up in my eyes, I threw my arms around his neck and hugged him close. I felt a sigh of relief rush through him and the Force, washing over me on its way past. </p>
<p>“Sit,” Obi-Wan said, guiding me back onto the bench. “Sit. Tell me what happened.” </p>
<p>I inhaled, “Do you remember what I told you about my father?” </p>
<p>“I remember many things you’ve told me about your father.” He held my hand. “Go on.” </p>
<p>“Well, as he lay dying in my arms, he made me swear to find an armorer. You remember?” </p>
<p>“Yes.” </p>
<p>“So I searched. I searched and I searched for an accepting Mandalorian armorer, and three years later, I had nothing. There was only one last place I could try. Mandalore itself.” </p>
<p>“Ah… I see.” </p>
<p>“It was the last planet I ever wanted to set foot on. Every time I started to get curious about it, Wolf warned me off. He was… bitter at best, and so was I. It’s all I ever knew. But I couldn’t let it stop me from fulfilling his dying wish, not that, so I went. You’ve been to Mandalore?” </p>
<p>“I have.” </p>
<p>“Then I’m sure you know it’s difficult to even step out of your ship, let alone be allowed into a biodome. You have to have very well-documented proof of your business there, and even then, it’s unlikely you’ll be permitted on the planet for longer than is strictly necessary. Either present the proof or a very hefty bribe to the right person. I had neither. Instead, I had to beg and plead until my determination earned me an audience with the Duchess.” </p>
<p>“I’m surprised that worked.” </p>
<p>“So was I. They could’ve always just thrown me in prison. Maybe it was too unjustified for them. I don’t know.” </p>
<p>“So they took you to the palace.” </p>
<p>“Yeah.” I laughed coldly to myself, saying, “Satine and I got on quite well at first. She even confided a secret in me over dinner. Only after I discovered the secret for myself, but… you know.” </p>
<p>“You’re very similar people. Stuck in your ways.” </p>
<p>“Well, that was the problem. Her ways contradicted my own. Once she knew why I had come to Mandalore, she got a lot less accepting a lot faster than I expected. While the Mandalorians of old didn’t care about bloodlines or planets, the new brood inhabiting the planet are what you might call a bit xenophobic. When Satine learned I wished to gain access to a foundry, she cast me away, claiming I was an outsider, and because I was not of Mandalore, I had no right to its resources, especially when I was likely to spread… what did she call them? Ah, yes, ‘violent ideals sure to conflict with the peace.’ Even after I told her everything, proved myself to be taught in the ways of the warrior religion, things only a Mandalorian could know, she didn’t care. I wasn’t from Mandalore and I wasn’t born to a Mandalorian. In her eyes, I was nothing but an imposter. ‘A worthless welch,’ looking for sympathy where there was none to be found.” I sighed. “I should’ve known better. Now… I’ll never fulfill Wolf’s wish. Just another promise I haven’t kept.” </p>
<p>“Ergo.” Obi-Wan guided my gaze to his, lifting my head. “We’ll find a way. Satine cannot be allowed to deny you your heritage.” </p>
<p>“How? There’s no way.” </p>
<p>“Have faith, young warrior. The universe rights its wrongs.” </p>
<p>He was about to kiss me, but we heard rushed footsteps and sadly slid apart as a boy came running into the garden. </p>
<p>The boy called my name and I gasped, “Holy shit,<em> Korkie?!”  </em> </p>
<p>I met him with open arms, a grin blooming on my face, and he laughed as I hugged him tight. </p>
<p>“Ergo, you’re going to suffocate me!” He squawked. </p>
<p>“Sorry, sorry.” I stepped back and held his shoulders. “Man, look at you. God, ya used to be so tiny. I can’t believe you even remember me.” </p>
<p>“How could I forget? I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone affect my mother like you!” </p>
<p>“You mother? Korks, she told you?” </p>
<p>He smiled, “A year ago. I’d already figured it out for myself at that point.” </p>
<p>“I’m not surprised. Even if you’re a giant pain in the ass, you’re a smart kid, Korkie. Always knew it. So did your mom. One of the few things we could agree on. So… does everyone know, or…” </p>
<p>“No, no one does. I was illegitimate, after all.” </p>
<p>“Yeah, I guess that ain’t a good look for the Duchess. How’re you doin’ with that?” </p>
<p>Korkie sighed softly, rubbing his elbow in an eerily familiar way. “It is difficult sometimes. It would be easier not to know. I just wish she would tell me more about my father.” </p>
<p>“I get it, kid, I get it. Did she tell you anything?” </p>
<p>“All she said was it was unlawful. They couldn’t be with each other.” </p>
<p>“Yeah…” I glanced back at Obi-Wan. “I’m startin’ to get an idea of what she might be talkin’ about.” </p>
<p>“What do you mean?” </p>
<p>“Uhh… Let’s get you back to the ball, Korkie. You shouldn’t be out here, an’ neither should we.” </p>
<p>Eyebrows furrowed, Obi-Wan stood, gently asking, “Are you sure, Ergo?” </p>
<p>I touched his cheek and smiled, “I think it’s probably better to confront my issues than run away crying. Don’t you?” </p>
<p>“Oh, Ergo… I’ll stand with you.” </p>
<p>“I know you will. You’re a man of your word, and I trust you with my honor. So let’s go defend it. And maybe squeeze out some answers for my dear friend Korkie, here. Come on.” </p>
<p>I took both Obi-Wan and Korkie’s arms in mine, and dragged them back inside, fueled by nothing more than spiteful determination. Satine watched disdainfully as we approached, and I met it with my own disgust. </p>
<p>“Duchess,” I sneered. </p>
<p>She spat, “I must say, I was hoping you wouldn’t return. It would have made this gala so much more enjoyable.” </p>
<p>“You know, I’ve noticed something, Satine.” I crossed my arms with a wicked smirk. “Korkie bears a striking resemblance to not one, but<em> two </em>people in this party. Now, the last time I noticed a few shared traits–” </p>
<p>“Will you <em>never </em>learn to hold your tongue?!” </p>
<p>“Will you never learn you do<em> not</em> have power over me?!” </p>
<p>I whipped out my knife, not to harm, just to make a point, but instead of slicing through air, I hit flesh. Obi-Wan had stepped in front of Satine out of instinct, and the knife cut across his cheek. I dropped it the second I realized what I’d done, stumbling back a step before sprinting away. Obi-Wan caught me just outside the ballroom, boxing me in against the wall. </p>
<p>Head tipped back, I croaked, “I’m <em>sorry, </em> Obi-Wan, I wasn’t–” </p>
<p>“Do you know how <em>alluring</em> you are when you’re lethal?” </p>
<p>“I– You– <em>What?” </em> </p>
<p>He kissed my jaw, his fingers digging into my hips, breathing, “There’s just something about the<em> look</em> in your eyes. You drive me insane, Ergo.” </p>
<p>“You’re– This is so good, but <em>such </em>weird timing.” </p>
<p>“Leave with me.” He held my chin tightly and kissed me with a desperate hunger. “There is nothing for us here.” </p>
<p>“Aren’t you on duty, Jedi?” </p>
<p>“Anakin and Ahsoka can handle it.” </p>
<p>“Obi-Wan, are you sure?” </p>
<p>“Didn’t I tell you I always am?” He intertwined our fingers with one hand, the other pulling me close. “Come away with me, darling. I swear to make it well worth your while.” </p>
<p>“Well… I can’t turn down such an offer, can I?” </p>
<p>Bubbling with laughter, I allowed him to lead me away from what was shaping up to be a wretched party anyway.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Again. Don't hate Satine. I really don't. Just... you know... she would.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 17</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After all the haptics of the night before, it was good to have a quiet morning. Obi-Wan and I were both quite happy to stay in his temple quarters, hidden away from any potential duties. For hours, we lay in bed together with tea and books, perfectly content. But one does get restless, especially when one has a ghost desperately trying to read over one’s shoulder. Slamming my book of legends closed, I nudged Qui-Gon away and announced it was time for a walk, at least to stretch my legs. </p><p>“Are you alright?” Obi-Wan chuckled as I pulled on my holster. </p><p>I huffed, “I’m fine. I just need some air. If you don’t want to come, it’s fine. I only need a few minutes.” </p><p>“No, I’ll come with. A walk would be nice.” He slowly stood and wrapped his arms around me, kissing my temple. “Did you think I wouldn’t want to?” </p><p>“Nooo… I’m just… thinking.” </p><p>“Mm, yes. A dangerous thing, my love.” </p><p>“Yeah.” </p><p>“Do you…?” </p><p>“No, I don’t want to talk about it. Not right now. Right now, I just want to walk.” </p><p>“Alright. Let’s go.” </p><p>“Obi-Wan.” </p><p>“Yes?” </p><p>I kissed him, and he dipped me, making me cackle. “Alright,<em> alright.</em> Force’s sake, the kriffin’ hole in my stomach, Obs!” </p><p>“Sorry, sorry.” </p><p>Still laughing, I opened the door to find Plo Koon with his fist held up like he was about to knock. </p><p>“Hello there, Master Plo,” I chuckled. “Uh, something you need?” </p><p>A bit awkwardly, he said, “Yes, I was looking for you.” </p><p>“You were looking for me and you came to Obi-Wan’s quarters?” Plo raised his eyebrows, and I laughed, “So much for subtlety, huh? What can I do ya for?” </p><p>“Master Yoda has requested that you lead a mindfulness session.” </p><p>“A <em>mindfulness session? </em><em>Me?” </em> </p><p>“Yes, and I’ll have you know it was my idea.” </p><p>“You want <em>me</em> to lead a <em>mindfulness session.” </em> </p><p>“Yes. In an hour. You may refuse if you wish, but I think you might enjoy it.” </p><p>From behind my shoulder, Qui-Gon agreed, “You should, Ergo. You’re so much of a thinker.” I cocked an eyebrow at him. “I’m quite serious, and I’m sure Master Plo is as well.” </p><p>“You two are insane,” I said, “But I’ll do it. ‘Cause I’m insane, too. In the meantime, if you could step aside, Master Plo. Obi-Wan and I were just headed out for a walk.” </p><p>“Yes, of course.” As we passed, Plo added, “Oh, Master Kenobi, Skywalker did mention something about the Duchess of Mandalore looking for you outside. You and Ergo, I believe.” </p><p>I clenched my fists but refused to let my stride stagger. Obi-Wan only stalled for a moment before continuing at my side, and both he and Qui-Gon put their hands on my shoulder. Though I had to appreciate the gesture, I only sped up, not stopping until I was face to face with Satine. </p><p>Teeth grit, I growled, “If you are not here to either apologize or tell the truth about Korkie’s lineage, I’d suggest you fuck off, Duchess.” </p><p>“I am, actually,” She sighed quietly. “I was thinking quite hard, and I think it might be time to end this.” </p><p>“I’m afraid you’ll have to specify. There’s a lot of things you could be endin’. The lies, the <em>unforgivable</em> behavior over the past eleven years…” </p><p>“Both. When I really thought about it, I failed to see the point.” </p><p>I crossed my arms and huffed, “Have you told Korkie?” </p><p>“Not yet.” </p><p>“He probably already knows.” </p><p>“He’s much too smart, that boy.” </p><p>“Yeah, he is.” I shifted my feet, saying, “Well, don’t let me stall you. Out with it.” </p><p>“Oh, don’t be cruel. Don’t you understand how difficult this is?” </p><p>Now, that was a step too far. Eyes narrowed dangerously, I sneered, <em> “You’re  </em> gonna tell  <em> me </em> not to be cruel?! If there’s one thing you deserve at this point, it’s my cruelty! If you refuse to rip the bandage off, I’m more than happy to do it for you! Obi-Wan–” I turned to him a bit too aggressively, and he flinched. “–Korkie is your damn child. Okay? There it is, out in the open. For fuck’s sake…” </p><p>So, maybe I could’ve been a bit gentler for Obi-Wan’s sake. He stared at Satine and me both, lips cracked open as he tried to gather his thoughts. </p><p>“I–” He whispered. “He’s <em>my </em>  son? I have a <em>son?” </em> </p><p>I knew that sparkle in his eye. He may have looked as if he was in complete shock – and I guess he was – but the man was absolutely<em> delighted. </em> </p><p>“Oh, Obi-Wan…” I grinned, touching his cheek. “He’s so much like you. He’s… tenacious, and stubborn, and clever, and… totally bone-headed–” </p><p>“’Bone-headed?’” </p><p>“In the sweetest way, yes. A kriffin’ bone-headed<em> idiot,</em> but deviously clever all the same. I knew he was yours the second I saw the two of you together. I would’ve said something, but <em>I’d never do something like that to someone.” </em> </p><p>I glared at Satine, and she swallowed, “Yes, about that… I was up for hours last night thinking about what you said, Obi-Wan, and–” </p><p>“What?” I interrupted. “What did you say?” </p><p>“Ah, it doesn’t matter,” He smiled, shaking his head, but Satine said, “He asked me if, no matter how hard I consider it, I still have a realistic reason for turning you away.” </p><p>“What, and<em> you,</em> of all people, couldn’t think of one?” </p><p>“No. I couldn’t. I was <em>wrong,</em> Ergo, and regret what I’ve done more deeply than anything. I understand I can never make this truly right, but came here to inform you that if you wish to return to Mandalore, I will have your armor made without question. I swear it.” </p><p>“So you’re apologizing.” </p><p>“From the bottom of my heart, I am, yes.” </p><p>“I can just show up on Mandalore and ask for armor.” </p><p>“Yes.” </p><p>“Do you–” I took a breath to steady my shaking voice. “Is there a monument to those lost in the Mando-Jedi wars?” </p><p>“Of course.” </p><p>“My father deserves to be on it. It was after the war, but… Still. Jedi. And the rest of Clan Saxon may have defected to Death Watch, but he was no traitor. I– I don’t know his name… I could– His clan and his sigil, I–” </p><p>“We will have them added. Anything, Ergo.” </p><p>“So I’m– I can–” My voice cracked. “I need a minute.” </p><p>I dashed into an alley, and Qui-Gon stepped in front of me to block my escape. </p><p>“Ergora,” He said, “You can’t just run away! You have to face–! Are you smiling?” </p><p>I was, tears of relief raining down my cheeks as I gleefully croaked, “It’s <em>over,</em> Qui-Gon. I can finally finish.” </p><p>With nowhere else to place my joy, I threw my arms around his waist with a bright laugh, babbling erratically in Mando’a. I couldn’t see his smile, but I could feel his happiness pulsing away through the hand he rested on my head only doubled by the childlike giggling of the Force. </p><p>“It’s over,” He affirmed with a sigh. “Rest.” </p><p>Obi-Wan came sprinting into the alley, his eyebrows furrowed, but once he saw my grin, he stopped dead in his tracks. </p><p>“Are you… alright?” He asked, cautious with his words. </p><p>Qui-Gon stepped back to give us some space, and I ran to Obi-Wan. Though he was still confused, he met me with open arms. </p><p>“You know how <em>long</em> I’ve been holding onto this stupid guilt?” I beamed. “How long I thought I was helpless?” </p><p>“Oh, Ergo–” </p><p>“And you say one little thing to her and just… fix it.” </p><p>“Just because I was able to make an impact doesn’t mean you weren’t–” </p><p>“No, no,<em> Obi-Wan.” </em>I leaned back only enough to look him in the eye. “Sure, I felt like a failure, and honestly, I was one, but I know I did all I could.” I cupped his cheek, tears welling up in my eyes again. “I’m just so lucky I have you. Without you, I’d be… Well, I hate to even think. You’re just– I–” I sighed in frustration. “Dammit…” </p><p>“It’s alright. You don’t have to say it.” </p><p>“Stupid…” </p><p>“No, not stupid. It just isn’t as simple as it should be.” He gently wiped my tears away. “Don’t worry about it.” </p><p>Seeing I was definitely still worrying about it, Obi-Wan held a finger under my chin and kissed my face until I was giggling like a child. </p><p>“Better?” He asked. </p><p>“Yeah. Let’s go back. I gotta think about my mindfulness session.” </p><p>“Of course, love. However, if we could perhaps take a minute to–” </p><p>I kissed him before he could finish asking for a minute to ourselves, and he absolutely melted into me. Though we only got a few seconds before Qui-Gon loudly cleared his throat, they were a perfectly blissful few seconds, and I wouldn’t pass it up for the world.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading, whoever the hell keeps reading this. Got commentary? I'd love to hear it. Call me curious. See you next chapter, whenever that may be. I'd never subject you to believing I plan on updating this regularly. That'd just be cruel, and at this point, you know better.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Chapter 18</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Younglings get a lesson in the Force, clones get a lesson in their heritage, and Obi-Wan gets a lesson in being an idiot.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I thought you were a Knight, Master Saxon.” </p><p>I was seated on a cushion in one of the temple’s many meditation rooms waiting for the participants of my mindfulness session when little Marna plopped down in front of me and made the comment above. Vecks was right on her heels, the two of them seeming to have formed quite a friendship since the last time I’d seen either of them. </p><p>Touching the thin braid draped over my shoulder, I chuckled,  “Well, I don’t hold any rank, actually. Since I’m not part of the Jedi Order. I think Master Qui-Gon was just feeling a little nostalgic when he did my hair this morning. I have fallen into somewhat of a Padawan role with him.” </p><p>“Master Qui-Gon?” Vecks queried. </p><p>“Yeah, he’s a ghost. You guys can’t see him, but he’s sitting right next to me. Always here to help. As any good master should, right?” </p><p>“I guess. Man, I wish I was a Padawan already.” </p><p>“Hey, you’re gettin’ there. You have to learn to appreciate every step in your learning process, even when it seems like you’re ready to move on.” </p><p>As he strolled into the room, Obi-Wan remarked, “Wise words, Master Saxon.” </p><p>He sat next to Marna, and I grimaced, “Oh, don’t <em> you </em> start callin’ me that. I don’t want it to stick.” </p><p>“I’m sorry to say you might be just a bit too late for that, my dear.” </p><p>“Master Saxon!” </p><p>“As I said.” </p><p>I glared at him and greeted Ahsoka as she found a seat. </p><p>“Right, Ergo,” She winced, “Sorry.” </p><p>“No, that’s okay, ‘Soka. I think I might have to get used to it.” </p><p>“Hey, where did you hear that name, anyway?” </p><p>“I’ve spent a lot of time with Plo Koon. He’s very proud of you, Ahsoka. And from the stories Obi-Wan’s told, he has reason to be. Even if you… take after your Master a little too much sometimes.” </p><p>“Oh, great. Exactly what stories has he been telling?” </p><p>“Don’t you worry your pretty little head, young Padawan. They’re very impressive stories.” </p><p>Head propped up, Marna inquired, “Master Kenobi, are you joining us?” </p><p>“I thought I might,” Obi-Wan said. “I’m curious to see how Ergo here is progressing in her studies.” </p><p>I cocked an eyebrow, and Vecks hastily asked, “Can we see you guys duel?” </p><p>Obi-Wan smiled, gently saying, “I’m not sure that’s best, young one. With Ergo’s condition–” </p><p>“C’mon, Obi,” I smirked, “They just want to see me kick your ass.” </p><p>“As always, you are too confident, my dear.” </p><p>“I bet even with the hole in my stomach, I could still take you in a fist fight. You wanna put money on it, babe?” </p><p>“No, Ergo. You need to heal.” </p><p>“But healing is <em> boring.” </em> </p><p>“No.” </p><p>“For the kiddos?” </p><p><em> “No.  </em>Come back to me when you no longer have a hole in your stomach. Then we’ll talk.” </p><p>“I swear you used to be fun.” </p><p>Marna gave the two of us an interrogative squint, frowning, “Is there something going on between you two?” </p><p>Ahsoka snickered into her fist, and I tsked, “Wasn’t this supposed to be a mindfulness session? You know, meditation? Where is everybody?” </p><p>“I believe we happen to all be a few minutes early,” Obi-Wan soothed, his mind brushing mine. “I’ve heard some chattering about this all around the temple. You’re sure to have plenty of participants.” </p><p>“Yeah, sure.” </p><p>The bitterness in my voice was hard not to catch, and Obi-Wan said, “Now, Ergora, many among our faction have come to quite enjoy your teaching, as well as having you for a student those few times you’ve decided to step away from the younglings. It’s noble work you’re doing, giving your time for no gain.” </p><p>“I think I have quite a lot to gain from it, Obi-Wan.” </p><p>“Oh, you know I wouldn’t force you.” </p><p>“I was talking about my housing and medical treatment, but yes, I know you wouldn’t force me. Besides, I do enjoy being here. Now that I’m used to it.” </p><p>“I’m glad, my dear.” </p><p>Still squinting, Marna determined, “There <em> is </em> something going on between you two,” and Vecks rolled his eyes. </p><p>Plo Koon, who had slipped into the room without any of us noticing, chided, “I think it might be best if you leave that one alone, little one.” </p><p>“Are you joining, too?” Vecks asked. </p><p>“I thought I might. I also brought a few more of your peers.” </p><p>A boy no older than ten poked his head in, eyes wide. With a wave of Plo’s hand, he led a group of younglings in, a few Padawans in the bunch. </p><p>“Alright, then,” I grinned. “Glad to have you all. Feel free to position yourself however is best for you. If you fall asleep, well, that's the way it is. But don’t snore. If you snore, you’re outta here. That’s the way it is. Once you’re settled, go ahead and close your eyes. Focus on the Force’s presence, but don’t search for anything. Just experience. Let the Force guide you. It’s your purpose as a wielder. When I feel we are ready, I’ll begin.” </p><p>As I allowed my mind to wander wherever it wished, voices brushed my ears, all but one indistinct. This one which I could understand was genderless, featureless, yet its whisper was all too familiar. </p><p><em> They don’t hear what you hear, </em>  it hissed.  <em> Don’t see what you see. </em> </p><p>I refrained from scoffing, but the Force caught my thoughts. </p><p><em> You laugh, girl? You know it’s true. They were taken too early. You are as it was meant to be. </em> </p><p>Fists clenched, I gently said, “Because you’re the supposed peace-keepers of the galaxy, you Jedi focus much of your listening on other life forms. I’m different. While I’m well-practiced in connecting to others, since I can remember, I heard the Force itself murmuring in my ear. I learned from no Master. I learned from the heart of all things. Today, I want you to be like me. Ignore those around you and focus only on the Force. If you listen right, you can learn things not written in your books, or stored in your holocrons. Things only spoken of in the legends. Or things your Masters aren’t allowed to teach. But there is something you must know. You can’t listen to just the Light side or just the Dark side. There are no sides, not really, and even when it comes to people, the lines can be blurred. Just in this room, there are two living examples I know of. Myself, who walks in the Gray, and Plo Koon, who has mastered a skill banned by the Jedi and associated with the Sith.” I peeked at Plo to find him with his hairless brow furrowed. “What is it that you people call it? ‘Electric judgement?’” </p><p>“How did you know?” Plo asked. </p><p>“Well, Jedi do love to tell stories. But I can feel it in your presence. Always crackling away. Perhaps a demonstration?” </p><p>“As you said, it’s banned.” </p><p>“I’m sure none of us will tell.” </p><p>By then, every child in the room had their eyes open, and there was a wave of agreement. </p><p>“I won’t make you,” I said. “But I’m afraid my version is a little… darker than yours. If you get my meaning.” </p><p>“No, no.” Plo released a filtered sigh. “I will demonstrate. If only for you, young one.” </p><p>“Master Plo, I really won’t make you.” </p><p>He just chuckled and came to the front. With raised eyebrows, I watched as a pleasantly calm expression came over his face, and golden lightning bloomed in his raised hands. I thought it would be different from mine, but it was just as powerful, just as chaotic. The only thing different was the color. </p><p>“Now, this is interesting, isn’t it?” I pondered. “That’s what we call ‘Light side’ lightning. This–” I presented my own blue electricity. “–Is ‘Dark side’ lightning. But what’s the real difference, right?” I shook the lightning away as I stood. “We’re always told everything’s one side or the other, but nothing’s that simple. If it were, I don’t think I’d be able to use the Force. It’s always been about balance for me. I never knew anything else.” Both Obi-Wan and Plo raised their eyebrows at me, and I smirked, “Now, your council didn’t want me teaching you about balance. They explicitly said it, actually. Something about it being dangerous to play with. Well, lemme tell ya somethin’, kiddos. You can find power in balance. I have. You know why I use two lightsabers?” I unsheathed my sabers, holding them out to the sides. “Double the power, right? For me, that’s what it’s like to use all of the Force. Dark on one side, Light on the other, and a whole lotta moves in between. But I don’t just want to talk. Tell me what you heard when you listened. Or saw, or anything. Any of you.” </p><p>“There were voices,” Ahsoka said. </p><p>“Yeah?” I sat again, my lightsabers laid on either side of me. “Anything distinct?” </p><p>“I think… it was Master Skywalker. He was shouting, but I couldn’t tell what.” </p><p>“Interesting. Perhaps a snippet of your future.” Ahsoka shrugged, and I asked, “Alright, anyone else?” </p><p>Marna frowned, “There was this fire.” </p><p>“Fire?” </p><p>“Yeah… but I couldn’t see it. I felt it. Like I was holding it in my hands, but it wasn’t burning. Just… there.” </p><p>“Oh! I’ve actually had a very similar experience. You might be attuned to the elements.” </p><p>“What, you mean, like… control them?” </p><p>“Exactly.” </p><p>“Can you <em> control the elements?” </em> One boy gaped. </p><p>I laughed, “I can. It’s the same as the lightning. You just have to find the right outlet. Do you guys want to see?” </p><p>Just about every child in the room gasped, <em> “Yes,” </em> and I grinned as I hauled myself back onto my feet. After electricity, fire was the easiest element to access by far. While the lightning was just a release of energy, I found my flame through my passion, my anger. It’s cliche, I suppose, but if it works, it works, right? Eyes closed, I slowed my breathing and latched onto the rage where it lay just beneath the surface. It flowed through me just as my energy would, heating my blood until it all culminated in a single tongue of flame, right in the palm of my hand. With a gentle exhale, it grew to surround my hand. </p><p>“While it is relatively easy to conjure,” I explained, slowly twisting and stretching the flame, “It requires immense focus to maintain. And if you let it grow too large–” I raised my hands with the still growing fire trailing from my fingertips. “–You will lose control and find yourself consumed. You must treat whatever element you may use as an extension of your own body, just as your weapon, or even the Force. Once you find a connection to an element – if you even do – it takes time and practice, but eventually, it’ll be just like walking. Natural.” </p><p>I slowly inhaled, bringing my hands together just above my navel and dashing the flames, the burning of my anger dying away with them. </p><p>“Alright, anything else?” I asked. </p><p>They all just stared, and I glanced between Obi-Wan and Plo, searching for support. Neither of them had anything to say either. </p><p>“Uh, okay…” I swallowed awkwardly. “Well, that’s all I have for you. If you wish to remain and meditate on what we’ve discussed today, feel free. If not, you’re dismissed.” </p><p>With that, most of them trickled out, their contemplative countenances way beyond their years. In the end, all who remained were Obi-Wan, Plo, Ahsoka, and, never to be separated, Marna and Vecks. Marna looked mildly disappointed, and I told her as much, making her little frown deepen. </p><p>“I’m not <em> disappointed,”  </em>She said. “Just… Are you sure we can’t see you spar?” </p><p>Gently, I smiled, “As much as I’d love to say different, I’m afraid Master Kenobi is right, little one. A duel isn’t what my healing process needs right now. But I promise I’ll try an’ make it up to ya, kid. Okay?” </p><p>“Okay… Can you control any other elements?” </p><p>Luckily for Marna, wind is my joy, and I swept a great gust of air at her. Her grin was so wide, it had to hurt. </p><p>Both she and Vecks mooned, <em> “ </em> <em> Sweeeet </em> <em> .” </em> </p><p>“Well, I’m glad you appreciate my skills.” I stood, clutching my stomach as pain radiated from my wound. “Now, I’m sure you’ve got other things to do. Go on, you two. I’ll see you next time.” </p><p>They scampered off, and once they were gone, Obi-Wan put an arm around my waist to stabilize me. </p><p>“Are you alright?” He grimaced. </p><p>“Fine, fine,” I winced. “Just need another dose of pain meds. And we never did get that walk, you know.” </p><p>“I’m not sure that’s–” </p><p>“It’s physical therapy!” </p><p>Obi-Wan met my gaze, and I stared him down until he quietly sighed, “I suppose it is. Come, you left your pills in ou– your room.”  </p><p>Plo and Ahsoka gave us frightfully similar looks, all clever and knowing. I just scowled mockingly at them as Obi-Wan helped me away. </p><p>About two minutes down the hall, Obi-Wan inquired, “Did you really learn all that only by listening to the Force?” </p><p>“Well, I don’t know where else I could’ve picked it up,” I chuckled. His cheeks reddened slightly, and I said, “Oh, don’t be embarrassed, Obi! For someone like you, it’s a perfectly reasonable question.” </p><p>“Someone like me?” </p><p>“Uh… You know, taught what to do and how to do it? Since, what, age three?” </p><p>“Ah. I suppose so.” </p><p>Before I could think of anything to say, Anakin strolled up to us and slapped a hand on Obi-Wan’s shoulder, smirking, “Obi-Wan, Ergo! Hey, Rex said he missed you at the bar last night, Ergo. Did you guys find Satine? What did she want?” </p><p>I rolled my eyes as Obi-Wan replied, “She wished to apologize. Past that, I think it’s Ergo’s choice what information we divulge.” </p><p>“Didn’t Ergo attack <em> her?” </em> </p><p>“Yeah,” I scowled, “And what about it?” </p><p>“It looked like you should’ve been the one apologizing.” </p><p>“Don’t test me, Skywalker.” </p><p>Obi-Wan nodded in agreement, and Anakin shrugged, “Fine. If that’s how it is. How was the mindfulness session, <em> Master </em> Ergo?” </p><p>“I am <em> not </em> used to it.” </p><p>“Anakin,” Obi-Wan sighed, adjusting his hold on me, “Perhaps another time?” </p><p>“Right.” Anakin gestured for us to pass with a small smile. “Sorry. Masters.” </p><p>I flipped the bird back at him, but it only made him snicker. </p><p> <br/> </p><p>A dose of opium, a perfect walk, and a few hours later, Obi-Wan and I were sitting at dinner with Ahsoka and Anakin. While the two of us were quiet, Ahsoka was trying to explain in detail the events of my lesson to her master, earning quite a lot of commentary from Anakin. </p><p>“This all sounds pretty impressive,” He said to me once Ahsoka had finished. </p><p>I sneered, “I don’t need <em> your </em> encouragement, little Jedi.” </p><p>“Yeah, I know. It’s just a compliment.” </p><p>“Uh-huh. Sure.” </p><p>“Well, it was.” He gave a little shrug and sipped his water before asking, “Are you going out with Rex tonight?” </p><p>“I thought I might.” </p><p>“You should,” Obi-Wan smiled. </p><p>Anakin added, “It’s your last chance for a while.” </p><p>Obi-Wan shot him a look, Anakin raised his eyebrows, and I narrowed my eyes at both of them until Anakin walked away with a “It’s not my problem,” Ahsoka not far behind. </p><p>“Alright, Kenobi,” I glared, “What’s goin’ on?” </p><p>“I’ll tell when you come home, my love. You ought to go have fun.” </p><p>“Hmm… Alright, fine. But don’t you go thinkin’ I’m gonna forget about all this. ‘Cause I ain’t.”  </p><p>“No, I know you won’t.” </p><p>“Alright. Walk me out, darlin’?” </p><p>“Of course.” </p><p>Obi-Wan cleared my plate along with his, and we slowly walked through the temple, neither of us saying anything. I touched the pack of cigarettes in my pocket out of sheer discomfort, and by the time we were outside, I had one hanging precariously from my lips. </p><p>“Need a light?” Obi-Wan inquired, producing a lighter. </p><p>I chuffed, “Since when have you carried that thing?” </p><p>“I believe… since the first time I kissed you.” Smiling softly, he tipped my chin up to light the cigarette. “I thought I might have use for it.” </p><p>“I still can’t believe you let me smoke.” </p><p>“Well, it’s not my choice. Besides, there are worse vices, my dear.” </p><p>“Ha! You’re certainly right about that. And you, Master Jedi, are becoming one of them.” I hailed a taxi. “If I don’t leave now, I think I might stay out here with you forever.” </p><p>“Is that so bad?” </p><p>“Yeah, for <em> you, </em>  man. Shouldn’t we at least try to be a  <em> little </em> subtle?” </p><p>“You say as you lean in.” </p><p>“Hey, you don’t wanna kiss me, don’t kiss me. I could just get in that cab an’ go.” </p><p>“Hmm…” </p><p>“Oh no. I don’t the sound of that.” </p><p>“I think we’ll save the kiss for when you get home. If you’re still lucid.” Instead, he stroked my cheeks with his thumbs. “Have fun, love. Show our loyal soldiers a good time.” </p><p>“Don’t challenge me, Jedi.” </p><p>Grinning, I managed to sneak in a quick peck on the cheek before he gently pushed me into the waiting taxi. </p><p>“Clone bar, please,” I said to the driver. </p><p>Though he started for the nearest lane, he scoffed, “What do you want with the clone bar? Shouldn’t you be studying all that Force shit?” </p><p>“You know, some Jedi would beat you into submission for talk like that. Lucky for you, I ain’t a Jedi.” </p><p>“You didn’t answer the question.” </p><p>“I have some friends hangin’ ‘round there. Got a problem with that?” </p><p>“Maybe I’m just not a fan of clones. Or <em> Jedi, </em> for that matter.” </p><p>“Like I said, I ain’t a Jedi. I can understand more than anyone why you might hate them. As for the clones, well, that’s complicated, innit?” </p><p>“Yeah? How so?” </p><p>“Most of the shit they do is just them following orders. They might despise themselves for it, too, but it’s hard for them. Programming’s a powerful force. You know what they do to ‘em to keep them under control?” </p><p>“Nah.” </p><p>I leaned closer to the driver, scowling, “When they’re just little fetuses, they write this code to make them docile. Submissive. It’s like a restraining bolt for droids, but right in their heads. Always there, always whispering in their ears. Not something you can just pluck off. And if they can do that, who knows what else they’ve put in there, right? We have to learn the difference between what the programming does and what they do. ‘Cause they’re individuals, of course, but they gotta fight for it. So next time you start thinkin’ about clones, maybe consider all that, hey?” </p><p>The driver swallowed, “Yeah… You got it, kid.” </p><p>“Ain’t a kid either.” </p><p>“Alright, so what are you, exactly?” </p><p>I slumped back with a huff. “That’s what everybody always asks. Why we gotta define it, huh? Why can’t I just be <em> me?” </em> </p><p>“Hey, be what you want. It’s none of my business.” </p><p>“Yeah, well, you started it.” </p><p>“Got a point there.” The driver smiled in the rearview mirror as he slowed to a stop in front of the clone bar. “Here we are, miss.” </p><p>“Thanks.” I climbed out of the taxi and leaned in the driver’s side window with a crooked grin. “Hey, uh, bill to the Republic.” </p><p>“Yeah, you got it. Good luck out there.” </p><p>“You, too. An’ may the Force be with you.” </p><p>I could hear the driver laughing as the cab flew away. </p><p>“Commander!” </p><p>I turned to see Cody strolling up to me with a grin, an armored clone at his side. The clone stood with his arms crossed, a light air of disdain emanating from him. </p><p>“Cody,” I laughed fondly. “I wasn’t expecting to see you here.” To his companion, I said “And you must be Commander Wolffe,” gesturing to the gray wolf painted on his helmet. </p><p>He replied, “You know me, sir?” </p><p>“I’ve had many a conversation with your dear general. Interesting man, that Plo Koon.” </p><p>“Yeah, I’d say as much. And who are you?” </p><p>“Not a commander, I’ll tell ya that much.” I jerked my head in the direction of the bar, and they both followed me through the door. “Cody’s just polite. Name’s Ergo Saxon.” </p><p>Cody interrupted, “Hey, I’m not the first person who called you that.” </p><p>“Yeah, but I’m pretty sure Boil was bein’ a dick when he said it. I mean, c’mon, <em> vod’ika </em> <em> , </em> it was my first day and I’d just shut down every bit of his strategy.” </p><p><em> “‘ </em> <em> Vod’ika </em> <em> ?’” </em> Wolffe asked, setting his helmet on the bar as we sat. “What is that?” </p><p>“Damn, you know you’re the first one to ask me that? I mean, it hasn’t even been a week, but still– Oh, hey, Jesse – none of you guys have questioned it.” </p><p>Rex was sitting a few seats down, and he moved next to me to smirk, “That mean you’re plannin’ on tellin’ us what it means now?” </p><p>“Well, as I’m sure you boys know by now, I’m a Mandalorian. <em> Vod’ika </em> is Mando’a for little brother.” </p><p>“But why would you call us that?” </p><p>“Because I’m a Mandalorian.” All three of them frowned at me, and I amended, “Because <em> you’re </em> Mandalorians.” </p><p>“No,” Wolffe said, “Jango Fett was, but we’re just his clones.” </p><p>“What? Fett? No, no, you’re not Mandalorians because you were cloned from one. That makes it your heritage, sure, but you’re Mandalorians because of who you are. Kinda like bein’ a foundling like me.” </p><p>“What does that mean?” Cody queried. </p><p>“You clones, it’s... You guys have hearts of beskar. Souls of warriors.” I tapped my chest with a small smile. <em> “Manda. </em>  I was given  <em> manda </em> <em> ,  </em> taught it by my father, and you can’t discount that. But you all were born with it. Or made with it, if you like. That’s what makes you  Mandalorians .  <em> Manda.” </em> </p><p>Rex said, “And <em> manda’ </em>s what?” </p><p>“It’s… Well, it’s a lot of things. It’s to be Mandalorian, but it’s also the soul of a warrior, it’s mind, body, and spirit, it’s belonging to the collective, it’s a way of life. It’s too abstract to really explain. It’s a feeling, you know? It’s like…” </p><p>With a frustrated shake of my head, I closed my eyes and reached out into the Force. It’s much harder to find the presence of a non-sensitive person. Every living thing gives off a certain signature, and even collectives as large as planets have their own auras, but those who aren’t Force-wielders tend to blur with everything else. But, with a bit more focus, I was able pick out the clones and transfer a bit of my own interpretation of <em> manda </em> to them. I overdid it. I didn’t just share with Cody, Rex, and Wolffe. Like I said, living things blur, and I ended up reaching every clone in the bar. Every one of them paused whatever they were doing for a moment before returning to their conversations like nothing had happened. </p><p>“Ah, shit,” I hissed, sipping my drink. “That, uh, isn’t what I meant to do. Sorry.” </p><p>Cody gaped, “That was incredible.” </p><p>“Yeah? Well, I try. You boys got any more questions, I’m happy to answer what I can. Anyways, Cody, what are you doin’ here? I was under the impression you never went drinking.” </p><p>“You know, last night. Might as well.” </p><p>“What do you mean ‘last night?’” </p><p>“Oh, I assumed General Kenobi had told you. We’re shipping out tomorrow morning. The 212th, the 501st, and the 104th.” </p><p>“And Obi-Wan’s going with you.” </p><p>“Of course.” </p><p>“Yeah. He didn’t tell me.” </p><p>“Sorry, Commander. I assumed he had.”  </p><p>“It ain’t <em> your  </em>fault.” </p><p>“Commander?” </p><p>“It’s– Nah, I ain’t gonna make it your problem. S’not what we’re here for, right?” </p><p>I smiled, but not one of my companions looked convinced. </p><p> <br/> </p><p>⋄⋄⋄ </p><p> <br/> </p><p>It was late. Too late for Obi-Wan’s liking. He hadn’t expected Ergo back at a particularly reasonable time, but he certainly wasn’t expecting her to stay out until early morning. He was just about to venture into the city to go looking for her when someone pounded on his door. He hastily opened it to find Cody and Rex there, holding up Ergo between them. She was conscious, but barely lucid, only perking up when she laid her eyes on Obi-Wan. </p><p>“Ob!” She gasped. “You <em> fucker.” </em> </p><p>She surged towards Obi-Wan with clenched fists, only to stumble over her own feet and fall into his arms. He held her up, brushing her hair out of her face. Her eyes were unfocused and glassy, her pupils blown. </p><p>“Cody, what <em> happened?” </em> Obi-Wan asked quietly. His hands shook as he set Ergo on his bed. “She isn’t just drunk.” </p><p>Cody grimaced, “I’m sorry, General. I don’t know what happened.” </p><p>“She disappeared, sir,” Rex explained. “When we found her, she was like this. Looks like spice to me, but I can’t be sure.” </p><p>Obi-Wan produced a pouch from the pocket of Ergo’s jacket, sighing, “Think again, Captain.” He took a deep breath before saying, “Well, there’s nothing to be done about it now. We just have to wait for it to work its way through her system.”  </p><p>Ergo locked eyes with Obi-Wan and tried to move towards him, but she was pushed down by an invisible force. She squirmed, angrily muttering under her breath. </p><p>“Shh, Ergo,” Obi-Wan smiled gently, touching her cheek. </p><p>She gaped, “You went <em> through him! </em> What the fuck, man?!” </p><p>“Ergo, what– Qui-Gon.” </p><p>“He doesn’t deserve your abuse, man!” </p><p>“Alright, alright. I’m sorry. Relax.” </p><p>“Don’t <em> you </em> fuckin’ tell me to relax,” Ergo growled quietly. </p><p>With a light sigh, Cody said, “She’s not happy with you, sir.” </p><p>“Clearly,” Obi-Wan frowned. “What happened tonight?” </p><p>“I told her we ship out tomorrow. Apparently, she didn’t know yet. I was certainly surprised.” </p><p>“Cody.” </p><p>“Sorry, General. That was out of line.” </p><p>“No, you’re right. I should’ve told her.” Obi-Wan glanced at Ergo, who was staring at her wrist. “I couldn’t find the right time.” Ergo glared and blew a strangely threatening raspberry. “Now… Well, it’s not your problem, it’s mine. I can take care of her on my own. Thank you for bringing her here.” </p><p>Both Rex and Cody replied, “Of course, sir.” </p><p>“Are you sure she’ll be alright, General?” Rex asked. </p><p>“Yes, she should be fine, Captain.” Obi-Wan brushed the hair out of Ergo’s face again, making her wrinkle her nose. “I believe… she’s been through this before. You two ought to rest before tomorrow. We’ll see you in the morning.” </p><p>“Good night, sir.” </p><p>“Good luck, General,” Cody added. </p><p>With one last look at Ergo, the two clones glanced at each other and left. Obi-Wan pulled Ergo’s feet into his to untie her shoes. </p><p>“I don’t like you,” She grumbled. </p><p>“Oh, Ergo, don’t say that.” </p><p>“You’re stupid.” </p><p>“Well… I’ll give you that much. I am sorry. I swear it.” Ergo stuck her tongue out at him, and he scoffed, “You’re making it very difficult to have a conversation.” </p><p>She just shrugged. </p><p>“I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. This isn’t what I’d call your best state of mind.” </p><p>“Obi, look,” She cackled. She showed him a burn on her wrist. “I can’t even feel it. Spice is whack, yo.” </p><p>“Ergora!” </p><p>“Whaaaat? S’just a lil cigarette burn. Ain’t nothin’, Obs.” </p><p>“It doesn’t matter how big it is! It matters that you did it at all!” </p><p>Ergo cowered away with wide eyes. “You’re freakin’ me out, man.” She was trembling. “I’m not– I’m just– I…” </p><p>“Blast it…” Obi-Wan took a deep breath. “Ergo, you don’t have to say anything.” </p><p>“Whaaaat…?” </p><p>“Oh, you’re…! It’s alright. You can just relax. I’ll make sure nothing happens to you.” </p><p>“Shyeah, nothin’ <em> else.” </em> </p><p>“Ergo… It’ll all be okay. Everything will be better tomorrow.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Yes, I did accidentally post the wrong chapter. I don't wanna talk about it. But uh... this is chapter 18 now.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Chapter 19</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>How do we feel about a short, Ergofied dip into Mandalorian history?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was a long few hours, waiting for Obi-Wan’s oh-so-magical ‘tomorrow.’ I don’t remember most of it, just bits and pieces. Until at sunrise, I flopped off the bed and crawled to the bathroom to empty my guts. Obi-Wan rushed in to help me, but I had finished before he stepped one foot inside the bathroom, and I shoved him away.</p><p>“Back. <em>Off,”</em> I growled.</p><p>“Ergo?”</p><p>He followed me out of the bathroom, cautiously saying my name again as I picked up my lightsabers from the bedside table.</p><p>“Ergo, we need to–”</p><p>“Oh, <em>oh,</em> so <em>now</em> you wanna talk?!” I whipped around, a saber still sheathed but pointed at his throat. “Don’t you have a ship to catch?”</p><p>“Ergo, let’s not–”</p><p>“If you’re gonna leave, <em>leave!” </em>I turned again. “I don’t wanna look at you anyway.”</p><p>“Leave? Ergora, I would never leave. I couldn’t hurt you like that. I love you too much.”</p><p>“Oh, please, you just–! You– Love… me…?”</p><p><em>“Yes!”</em> Obi-Wan stepped around me to cup my face. “One might say I’m <em>in</em> love with you.”</p><p>“Oh, gods.” I couldn’t fight my snicker. “But why…” I stepped back, shrieking, “You stupid, stupid, <em>emotionally-stunted</em> Jedi, you should’ve just <em>told</em> me! Why do you people always make things <em>difficult?!”</em></p><p>“Ergo, I couldn’t be sure…”</p><p>“What, I loved you back? Of course I love you, you fuckin’ fool! Are you <em>blind, </em>man?”</p><p>“You’re the one who called me emotionally-stunted!” He groaned and took a centering breath. “Alright. You’re right. I should have told you. You must understand why I didn’t.”</p><p>“You got no idea, Obi-Wan. I shoulda told you, too. We’re just both dipshits, man.” I smiled at him. “So… This mean you ain’t leavin’?”</p><p>“I’m afraid I am.”</p><p>“Obi-Wan!”</p><p>“But only if you come with me.”</p><p>“What? Really?!”</p><p>“I’m confident I could make room for you on an entire cruiser.”</p><p>“Heh… Yeah…” I snaked my arms around his waist and buried my face in his robes. “Am I… allowed?”</p><p>“If there’s anything Anakin’s taught me, it’s that it can be easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to ask for permission.”</p><p>I leaned away, droning, “Yeah, I assume <em>you</em> weren’t doing the asking in this situation?”</p><p>“No. No, it was definitely Anakin. The– Hm, what would you call him?”</p><p>“Ani? The ultimate lil shit.”</p><p>“Yes, that sounds about right.”</p><p>“Mm…”</p><p>Just when I was finally settling into his arms, Obi-Wan gasped, “Oh! Ergo, we should have left thirty minutes ago!”</p><p>“Dude. You’re their general. They’re not gonna <em>ditch</em> you.”</p><p>“Yes, you’re probably right. However, we shouldn’t keep them waiting, yes?”</p><p>“Can I… bring my ship?”</p><p>“As I said, I’m sure I can make some room for you on an entire cruiser.”</p><p>“Agh, I’m such an idiot!” I threw my arms around his neck. “Oh, well. Right?”</p><p>“Mm-hm.” He kissed my cheek, drawing a bright giggle from me. “Come, we have to go. Ready?”</p><p>“Yeah. Just gotta grab some clothes.”</p><p>Grinning, I bent down to pick up my cloak and… collapsed to the floor, curling in on myself.</p><p>“Ergo!”</p><p>Obi-Wan kneeled next to me, Qui-Gon crouching behind him.</p><p>“Are you alright, Ergora?” Qui-Gon smiled gently.</p><p>I groaned, “Ma body hurts.” Qui-Gon raised his eyebrows as I squinted up at him. “Where you been, Qui?”</p><p>“Here. The entire time. You were lying in my lap earlier.”</p><p>“Uhhh… <em>Man.</em> Opioids make my medium… ness wonky. And hallucinogens. And… stimulants. And… depressants. And everything. UUUUUGH!” Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan winced. “Life sucks and it’s my fault!”</p><p>“Ergo,” Obi-Wan huffed fondly.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Would you like me to carry you?”</p><p>“Yyyeeeaaahhh…” Laughing, Obi-Wan turned to allow me to climb onto his back. “But my stuff, though.”</p><p>“I’ll come back for it.”</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>“Of course. It’s no trouble, my love.”</p><p>“Heh, ‘my love.’” I grinned into Obi-Wan’s hair as he stepped into the hall. “I’m your love.”</p><p>Obi-Wan chuckled, “I’ve called you that a hundred times.”</p><p>“Yeah. But it means more now.”</p><p>“If you say so. My love.”</p><p>I snickered, and his hearty laughter earned a few glares from the Jedi we passed on the way to the hangar. Once in the <em>Star Hunter,</em> Obi-Wan gently set me in the cockpit and left with a quick kiss. Qui-Gon stayed, standing just behind my chair.</p><p>“I must say, Ergo, this is the happiest I’ve ever seen him”</p><p>I tilted my head back to raise my eyebrows at Qui-Gon, and he smiled with a laugh.</p><p>“Are you really serious?” I inquired.</p><p>“Yes, really. Of course, the Duchess had quite the effect on him as well, but you’re–” He looked down to see me staring. “Ah, I shouldn’t.”</p><p>“No! I didn’t know you were there. What happened with them? How did they even meet?”</p><p>“Ergo, you needn’t dwell on the past.”</p><p>“I thought Jedi love to dwell on the past.”</p><p>“Well, when it can teach them. You’ll learn nothing of use from their story.”</p><p>“Please, Qui. I just want to know what it all was.”</p><p>“Oh, I really shouldn’t…” Sighing, Qui-Gon stepped around the chair. “It was a mission. Mandalore was at war with… <em>us.</em> Then it was at war with itself. There was a new regime, and a considerable number of Mandalorians were unhappy with their ideas. By the time Satine was duchess, she was in danger every second of every day, bounty hunters everywhere.”</p><p>“Death Watch?”</p><p>“Those who would become them, yes.”</p><p>“God… I can’t believe Wolf came from those people.”</p><p>“How much do you know of your history?”</p><p>“Uh, quite a lot. Why?”</p><p>“Do you know who was on the two sides of the civil war?”</p><p>“Are you <em>quizzing</em> me right now?”</p><p>“Believe it or not, I’m trying to comfort you at the moment.”</p><p>“Look, man, I believe you. It’s kinda your schtick. But I don’t really see your angle here.”</p><p>“Perhaps if we continue?”</p><p>“Okay, fine. The original civil war was between the New Mandalorians, who had control of the planet, and the <em>Aka’liit.</em> The New Mandalorians were trying to change, so as to avoid conflicts like the one with the Jedi. The <em>Aka’liit</em> stuck with the old ways.”</p><p>“Very good. Now, the <em>Aka’liit </em>eventually split, nearly seven centuries after their formation. Do you know what two groups they became?”</p><p>“Death Watch and the True Madalorians. Death Watch were radicalists; the True Mandalorians were still just trying to follow the old ways.” Obi-Wan stepped into the cockpit, but I shushed him with a finger to my lips before he could even open his mouth. “But both those factions split up, too.”</p><p>“Yes. Go on.”</p><p>“Death Watch just fell apart, and the True Mandalorians turned into the group called the Old Mandalorians. Those are the ones my dad liked. He wasn’t one of them, he just went with their message. But he was... Wait, is that the point you’re trying to make?”</p><p>“Not exactly. I only thought, considering the origins of Death Watch and what else came from them, perhaps Clan Saxon aren’t so terrible?”</p><p>“Okay, but they still went with <em>Death Watch.</em> When better things were coming out of the <em>Aka’liit</em>, they went with Death Watch. I mean, maybe that’s not exactly true. I don’t actually know that much about the clan. Wolf didn’t love talking about them. Either way, at some point they picked the <em>terrorists.</em> You know?”</p><p>“I’m sorry, Ergo.” He touched my arm. “I should have thought more about my words.”</p><p>“Qui, it’s okay. You were just trying to help. And you’re right, it is really interesting to think of all the different factions and where they came from. I mean, look at what the True Mandalorians turned into, right? The Protectors, a bunch of pretentious <em>assholes</em> who decided to band together, I dunno… two months ago? Whatever. And the Old Mandalorians, hermits up to who the fuck knows what. It’s strange that so many different and uniquely <em>fucked</em> groups could come from such a distinct people. It’s crazy. And then there’s <em>me.</em> Me an’ Wolf, two kriffin’ loners who couldn’t fit in anywhere if we’d begged. Too violent for Mandalore, too religious for Death Watch, too… <em>House Vizsla</em> for everyone else. Too passionate for Jedi, too kind for Sith. Story of our fucking lives. Guess all we could’ve ever had was each other. Fucking black and white, constantly warring galaxy <em>bullshit.”</em></p><p>“But, Ergo, look where you are.” Obi-Wan crouched at my side saying, “You’re here, with a Jedi, headed to a Republic ship, soon to visit an armorer on Mandalore. You <em>belong.”</em></p><p>“Yeah, I know…” I released a heavy sigh. “But I just don’t <em>know.”</em></p><p>“I’ll help you,” Obi-Wan insisted, and Qui-Gon added, <em>“We’ll</em> help you.”</p><p>“You really can’t know how much I appreciate that.” I smiled and bent down to kiss Obi-Wan. “In the meantime, think you can get us to that Republic ship?”</p><p>“I might just be able to manage that.”</p><p>Obi-Wan quickly kissed me with a clever grin and sat in the pilot’s seat, studying the controls in front of him.</p><p>“I must warn you,” He said, “I’m not a particularly talented pilot.”</p><p>“Yeah, neither am I.” With a grunt of discomfort, I stood behind him. “I mean, gimme a fighter and I’ll blast a vulture right outta the sky, but this kriffin’ freighter? She’s got a few scrapes and bruises that ain’t war wounds. But you’ve got Jedi training in flying, right? You gotta be better than me.”</p><p>“Oh, yes, I'm very well-trained. I know how to fly almost everything. But I won't say that makes me too much more skilled at it than anyone.”</p><p>I draped my arms over his shoulders as I leaned forward to murmur, “Either way, I don’t know where we’re going. I just know the base innit big enough to house star destroyers.”</p><p>“Ergora.”</p><p>Obi-Wan cleared his throat. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught Qui-Gon hastily disappear.</p><p>“Yes?” I purred, lips brushing Obi-Wan’s ear.</p><p>“Do you <em>want</em> me to crash this ship?”</p><p>I laughed and kissed his cheek before plopping back into the copilot’s chair. My muscles protested the sudden jostling.</p><p>Playing off a grimace with a grin, I said, “Go on, then, General Kenobi. We’ve got a flagship to catch.”</p><p>“Why do I get the feeling you might be the death of me?” Obi-Wan huffed amusedly.</p><p>“Oh, don’t say that. I had a dream about your death after we met, and it’s decades from now.”</p><p>“That does not inspire confidence in me, Ergora.”</p><p>I was left speechless as I tried to process what he could possibly mean by that. Obi-Wan just smirked and finally flew out of the hangar.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>I was pleasantly surprised by the warm welcome I received on <em>The Negotiator.</em> Though I’d been teaching strategy, I’d spent just about no time with Cody’s actual strategists, placing all my focus on the soldiers. Yet not one of them questioned my presence as I followed Obi-Wan onto the bridge. They paid me little more mind than they did Obi-Wan, sparing a few “hello”s and “good morning, General”s. Cody, however, greeted me with a grin, clapping a hand on my shoulder.</p><p>“Good to see you back on your feet, Commander,” He said. “You had us worried there.”</p><p>With a cocked eyebrow, I replied, “You’re awfully peppy today, <em>vod’ika.</em> Doesn’t seem your style. Didn’t knock anything loose when you were haulin’ me home last night, did you?”</p><p>“I’m pretty sure I’m all clear. And how are you feeling?”</p><p>“Oh, about as awful as I deserve, thanks.”</p><p>“I’m sure you’re being a bit harsh on yourself, Commander. It’s not exactly your fault.”</p><p>Though he directed nothing towards Obi-Wan, it felt like Cody was putting him on the stand, right then and there.</p><p>“Well, it’s all been sorted now,” I shrugged. “I’m just happy to be here.”</p><p>“And we’re happy to have you, sir. It’s sure to be interesting.”</p><p>“Yeah. That’s a word for it, huh?”</p><p>Cody raised his eyebrows and we both laughed, leaving Obi-Wan standing stiffly next to us.</p><p>“Loosen up, babe,” I teased. “We’re past all the <em>shit.</em> Everything’s gonna be great. Right?”</p><p>Obi-Wan smiled, “Yes, of course,” resting a hand between my shoulders. “Cody, are we ready to start climbing?”</p><p>“Yes, sir,” Cody replied respectfully. “Once <em>The Resolute </em>is out of the way, we’ll be off.”</p><p>“Wonderful. In the meantime…” Obi-Wan gestured to me, and I raised my eyebrows.</p><p>“Of course, General. Muse!” A nearby soldier turned to us. “Show the commander to her quarters and be sure to help her with anything she needs.”</p><p>“Yes, sir,” The clone said, nodding curtly. “If you could come with me, Commander.”</p><p>Grinning, I touched the small of Obi-Wan’s back and followed Muse into the corridor. He was walking a little too rigidly, obviously trying to keep up a more professional presence. </p><p>With a playful smile, I stepped up to his side and inquired, “How long have you been here, Muse?”</p><p>“Sir?” He replied nervously.</p><p>“You just seem new. A little unsure of yourself. And your armor looks pretty fresh out the factory.”</p><p>“I apologize if I made you uncomfortable, Commander.”</p><p>“No, no! It’s nothing to be ashamed of. And I get it. I was a soldier once, too. It can take a while to settle into it.”</p><p>“I guess…”</p><p>“Okay, that’s okay. New question. Why do they call you Muse?”<br/> He laughed, “That’s a bit embarrassing, too.”</p><p>“C’mon, you gotta give me something here, man.”</p><p>“Well, me an’ a few of my batchmates like to sing. All the time. Even during our training exercises. So, I’m Muse, then there’s Chanter, Shanty, Lulla.”</p><p>“Oh, my god…”</p><p>“Yeah… I warned you it was embarrassing.”</p><p>“No, I think it’s sweet! You guys could start a quartet.”</p><p>“All due respect, sir, clones weren’t made to sing.”</p><p>“Yeah, I get it. But if that’s what makes you guys happy, you should lean into it. Take what you can get, right? With all the shit you guys go through.”</p><p>“Makes sense.”</p><p>“Keep it in mind, you know? Don’t go down… another path. Singing’s not gonna ruin you.”</p><p>“Thank you, sir. I appreciate it.”</p><p>“Of course, kid. Anything for one of my own.”</p><p>“We’re here, Commander, but do you mind me asking what you mean by that?”</p><p>“By one of my own? Ask Cody. I’m curious to know if he’d give a decent explanation. Now, if you’d excuse me, trooper, I’d like to check out my new digs.”</p><p>I beamed at Muse until he nodded, saluted, and marched away with confusion stirring the Force around him. Qui-Gon reappeared as I stepped into the small, watching me look around with a soft smile.</p><p>“You’re kinda creepy sometimes,” I said distractedly. “You know that?”</p><p>He laughed, “Well, I am a ghost.”</p><p>“Yes, come back from the dead to haunt me for no reason whatsoever.”</p><p>“I’m not so sure about that. You know, the Force works in–”</p><p>“Don’t finish that sentence. I <em>know</em> how the Force works. Don’t mean I gotta like it.”</p><p>“I never said that.”</p><p>“I know, I know. It’s just years upon <em>eons</em> of frustration talkin’. Just… tell me what you’re thinking about. Why you were smiling like that?”</p><p>“Oh, I was just musing… Commander Saxon…”</p><p>“Stars, I can’t decide if that’s better or worse than Master.”</p><p>“Would you like my opinion on the matter?”</p><p>I sat on the bed with a chuckle and patted the spot next to me, saying, “Of course. Your opinion’s always interesting to me, Qui. But while you’re at it, d’you think you could manage a braid?”</p><p>“It would be my honor.” He immediately got to work combing his fingers through my hair. “In my opinion, the title of ‘Master’ better suits you as a person. Your talents and your tendencies.”</p><p>I hummed, half in understanding and half in relaxation.</p><p>“However, I would dare to presume you prefer Commander. If not only for its lack of association with the Jedi, then for its association with the clones and the significance of <em>them</em> addressing you in such a way. Their respect matters to you.”</p><p>“The respect of both the clones and the Jedi matters to me. And more importantly, the acceptance. The thing about the titles is they both imply discipline. That’s not really my thing. I appreciate what it means for them to call me Master or Commander. It just doesn’t feel like I deserve it.”</p><p>“Just as you feel you don’t deserve their respect or acceptance?”</p><p>“I <em>know</em> I deserve their respect. I’ve proved that by now.”</p><p>“Alright, that I can see. You certainly strove for it. I’d say you earned it. But their acceptance. You don’t believe you deserve it?”</p><p>“I guess… it feels like it could be fake. It’s like I said back on my ship. I <em>know,</em> I just don’t <em>know.</em> It’s too complicated for even me to understand.”</p><p>“Well, I’ll be the first to tell you there’s nothing wrong with that.”</p><p>“Thanks.” I finally took the time to notice the thin braid Qui-Gon had twisted my hair into. “You know, I don’t quite get why you do this.”</p><p>“Don’t worry. I’ll braid the rest as well.”</p><p>“I don’t mind, really. I’m just not your Padawan.”</p><p>“Would you say you’re not <em>not</em> my Padawan?”</p><p>“I’d say that was a weird-ass phrase to hear come outta <em>your</em> mouth.”</p><p>“Please, Ergo.”</p><p>“No, I don’t suppose I would. You just don’t have to do… <em>all this.”</em></p><p>“I’m only… Ah, what was the word you used yesterday?”</p><p>“Nostalgic.”</p><p>“Yes. I’m nostalgic.”</p><p>“Is that a trait expected in Jedi?”</p><p>“I’m not sure. Either way, do you truly think it would matter to me?”</p><p>“Knowing you? No. I, uh… I never actually asked…” I shuffled awkwardly. “Are you a Gray Jedi, Qui-Gon?”</p><p>He gently lay his hands in his lap with a small sigh, allowing me to complete his braid with a hair tie.</p><p>“There were certainly some who believed I was,” He said. “There are many things within the Code and our order that I cannot bring myself to believe in.”</p><p>“But?”</p><p>“I don’t ally myself with the Dark Side. To be truly Gray you must use all of the Force.”</p><p>“So, you’re just… not really a Jedi?”</p><p>“I suppose. I always thought of myself as one.”</p><p>“Yes, well. Thoughts can change.”</p><p>“Indeed.”</p><p>“You think the Jedi ever will?”</p><p>“We can hope, Ergo.”</p><p>“Hm. I’m not so sure that’s enough.”</p><p>Before Qui-Gon could argue otherwise, the door slid open and Obi-Wan stuck his head in. He was grinning widely, his eyes sparkling with… pride? Love? Pure joy? I really couldn’t tell. Without a word, Qui-Gon stepped away into the corner to make room, and I just silently frowned at him.</p><p>“What’s wrong?” Obi-Wan asked, his grin breaking for a moment.</p><p>“Nothing, nothing!” I guided him down onto the bed. “Just, uh… no, it’s nothing.”</p><p>“Ergora.”</p><p>I kissed his temple, laughing, “I promise. I’m all good, Obi.”</p><p>“Excellent. Well, I thought it best to check in, see how you’re taking to everything.”</p><p>“Yeah, it’s great. Certainly a better mattress than I was expecting.”</p><p>“Oh?” He kissed my throat with a mischievous smile. “Need any help breaking it in?”</p><p>Seeing Qui-Gon quickly depart, I scoffed out a scandalized, “Uh, <em>no,”</em> and he laughed into my shoulder.</p><p>“Are you sure?” He murmured.</p><p>His eyes flicked up to meet mine, making my face burn.</p><p>Slowly pushing him down onto the bed, I smirked, “Well, we are on <em>our</em> time, right?”</p><p> </p><p>The second Obi-Wan and I stepped onto the bridge, Cody suspiciously cocked an eyebrow at us.</p><p>“With all due respect,” He chided, arms crossed, “What exactly have you two been up to?”</p><p>“Nothin’ that concerns you, <em>vod’ika,”</em> I snickered.</p><p>“Mm-hm.”</p><p>“Oh, c’mon, Cody. If we were needed, you coulda called.”</p><p>“And found you in the same place?”</p><p>“I didn’t say that.”</p><p>Cody rolled his eyes with a smile, and I lightly socked him in the shoulder. All issues having been resolved, I strolled towards the front of the bridge to watch the galaxy stream by. Obi-Wan stood next to me with a touch of my arm.</p><p>“Can you believe I kinda missed hyperspace?” I chuckled. “There’s something calming about it. I guess that’s just an effect of bein’ a space kid.”</p><p>Obi-Wan shrugged, “I enjoy it. Though I wouldn’t say I find comfort in it.”</p><p>“No, it’s not home for you. The temple is. You always feel… I dunno, lighter when we’re there. And tense when we’re in the base. Like how I feel in the temple. It’s complicated for both of us.” I gently bumped him with my hip, making him smile. “Where we headed, anyway?”</p><p>“Where’s the fun in telling you?”</p><p>“Mm-hm. Will it take long?”</p><p>“I’m only joking. We’re going to the outer rim in case we’re needed anywhere. It’ll be awhile before we’re out of hyperspace.”</p><p>“So you didn’t even <em>have</em> to leave Coruscant?”</p><p>“It’s important to be available, Ergo.”</p><p>I scoffed, but I had no intention of being bitter. Instead, I just silently stared forward, arms crossed over my chest.</p>
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<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Chapter 20</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm not dead! Didja miss me?</p><p>Yeah, I wouldn't have either.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You know, I asked Qui-Gon about you and Satine the other day.”</p><p>Obi-Wan and I were sitting alone in a boardroom, each of us buried in a data pad. He was working; I was drawing with my tongue between my teeth in concentration.</p><p>Obi-Wan inhaled before replying, “Did you?”</p><p>“Yeah. I know I should’ve just come to you. But he, uh, never did end up answering. We kinda went off on a tangent talkin’ about Mandalorian factions.”</p><p>I peeked at Obi-Wan. He still had his eyes on his data pad, but he had an uncharacteristically unfocused look on his face, and he was anxiously rubbing his forefinger with his thumb.</p><p>“You don’t have to tell me anything,” I said quickly. “It’s none of my business.”</p><p>Obi-Wan suddenly spun his chair to face me, hands clasped in his lap.</p><p>“Did he not tell you anything at all?” He asked.</p><p>“Oh, uhh… No, he said it was a mission. You were protecting her from bounty hunters. Because of what her family did to Mandalore.”</p><p>“Ergo, that’s not…”</p><p>“I know, I know. It’s complicated. Not just ‘cause of me an’ her. It’s all complicated. Please, I’m sorry.”</p><p>“Don’t be. I know I can never understand the goings-on of your people.”</p><p>“Hey, that’s not what I meant.” I leaned forward to take his hands, and he brought the tips of my fingers up to his cheeks. “I think you understand more than you even know, Obi-Wan. You’re good like that.”</p><p>He kissed my knuckles with the smallest of smiles. “Do you still want me to tell you about it all?”</p><p>“That’s up to you. It’s your story.”</p><p>“Well, as you were told, it was a mission, and a long one. The three of us were on the run for a year. We lived day to day, never knowing what might happen from one minute to the next. It wasn’t the most romantic setting, but… Satine and I grew close.” Obi-Wan leaned back, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I think Qui-Gon recognized it before either of us did. We weren’t thinking about love, were we? We were much too busy with the rest of our lives. I suppose we just fell together. It was nice, and I was happy, but I still left. I had to.”</p><p>“Didn’t you want to stay and be with her?”</p><p>“Of course I did. Sometimes I regret my decision, I do. Still, just as often, I know I was right to leave. As much hardship as I’ve had here, I love the Jedi Order. I see the good in what we do, in what <em>I’ve</em> done.”</p><p>“Even in this war?”</p><p>“Even in this war. I see the bad as well. Especially since I’ve met you. Every day I’ve spent with you, it’s been easier to see the darkness hiding amongst us, but I still believe we can be better. You make me want to be better.”</p><p>I stood and kissed his temple, grinning, “Obi-Wan, you <em>are</em> better. That's what I love about you.”</p><p>“Oh, is that all?” He gently pulled me down onto his lap with a smirk. “Nothing else?”</p><p>“Well… you’re pretty clever. An’ wise. And a snarky ass. Oh, and you’re <em>ever</em> so good at–”</p><p>“Alright, that’s enough out of you.”</p><p>I flashed him a cheeky smile, and he rolled his eyes.</p><p>“How are you feeling?” He asked seriously, tracing my cheekbone with his thumb.</p><p>“Better. It’s better to know than to… theorize.”</p><p>Obi-Wan nodded in agreement. Biting my lip, I slipped back onto my feet to pace back and forth.</p><p>“I just wish I knew what was going on in her head, Obi.” I scrubbed my palms over my face. “She’s so outspoken, you’d think it would be easy to tell, but I have <em>no</em> idea. It bugs me. Every time I see her, I don’t know what the hell she’s gonna do next. Does she even want me back on Mandalore? Does she actually feel guilty? Or is she just giving into you?”</p><p>Obi-Wan stepped up and wrapped his arms around my middle from behind, stopping me in my tracks. I melted into the embrace as he kissed my temple.</p><p>“You needn’t worry about her,” He whispered. “It’s not worth all this anxiety, is it?”</p><p>“Obi-Wan, it never was, but I’m only human.”</p><p>“I know. I understand the inclination.” Obi-Wan guided me back into my chair with a soft smile. “Come now, show me what you’ve been doodling.”</p><p>“Uh, I do not <em>doodle,</em> Jedi. But if you <em>must</em> know…”</p><p>I handed him the data pad, and he sat to look at my drawing. He stroked his beard absent-mindedly as he studied it, making my frown deepen with every second. After much too long, Obi-Wan slid the data pad back to me with a comforting twinkle in his eye.</p><p>“Oh, you don’t hate it,” I exhaled. “You had me worried, man.”</p><p>“Of course I don’t hate it, Ergo. I think it’s a fantastic design. And might I say, quite well suited to you.”</p><p>I smiled down at the sketch of Mandalorian armor in my hands. I had spent almost the whole night just staring at the wall, picturing every detail of the armor, the pattern, how it would feel. Even the inevitable scratches in the paint. When it all became too much, I did what I always did when things became too much. I dug up my flask and snuck down to the ship’s gym. As I was sparring with a training droid, trying desperately to clear my head, all I could think was, <em>How would it be with the armor? How would it feel? What more could I do? Would I finally feel– </em>Obi-Wan touched my hand, and I jumped, kicking the table.</p><p>Obi-Wan winced, “Oh! My apologies, dear. Are you alright?”</p><p>“Yeah, I’m fine!” I chuckled, rubbing my bare foot. “S’just a bump.”</p><p>“Well…” He lifted my chin to quickly kiss me. “At least you’re smiling again.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Ah, sorry. It… fell. While you were thinking.” I furrowed my eyebrows, and he looked away, sighing, “Perhaps I… shouldn’t have said anything. I didn’t mean to upset you.”</p><p>“Obi-Wan.” I deposited myself in his lap with a crooked grin. “You <em>idiot,</em> you didn’t upset me! Hey, if it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have been smiling in the first place. You’re too kind, Kenobi.”</p><p>“Thank you,” He beamed, his eyes twinkling.</p><p>I laughed and placed kisses all over his face as he held me close. Eventually, of course, I stumbled across the cut on his cheek, and Obi-Wan sensed my hesitation. He took my face in his hands and kissed me so tenderly, my body began to tremble with the immense guilt of what I’d done.</p><p>“Ergo, Ergo…” He breathed, stroking my cheek. “Stop this. Come, look at me. It’s healing perfectly. It’s nothing.”</p><p>I groaned, “It’ll <em>scar.”</em></p><p>“So what? It’s just a cut, it–”</p><p>“But it’s not just a cut, is it? It’s everything I’ve done to you! I gave you doubts about everything you believe, your whole way of <em>living;</em> I brought one of your greatest sources of guilt and you can’t even <em>speak to him;</em> I’ve ripped apart you and the woman you–”</p><p>“Ergo! Look at me.” He lightly kissed my hand. “All you have <em>ever</em> done is open my eyes. I would rather know the truth than be blind, even if the truth can be a bit ugly. Yet even so, it can be so beautiful. All the things you’ve done, Ergo… It’s all so beautiful. Because it’s all you. Do you remember what I said to you when you gave me this cut?”</p><p>“You… you told me I was alluring. When I’m lethal. I guess I brushed it aside at the time. How– How can you love <em>that?”</em></p><p>“Because I love <em>you</em>. <em>All</em> of you. No matter what. All I want is for you to believe me.”</p><p>And when I met his pleading gaze, I couldn’t help it. “I believe you,” I said, surprising even myself. “I believe you. But if you insist on loving all of me, well… I should at least be whole, right?” I slipped onto my feet and clutched my data pad to my chest. “I want to go to Mandalore, Obi-Wan. I want to have my armor. I’m ready to be everything I can be.”</p><p>“Then we’ll go.” He leapt up and took my hands with a wide smile. “The 212th can easily survive without me. We can leave as soon as you want. We can leave <em>now.”</em></p><p>“Just take the <em>Star Hunter </em>and go?”</p><p>“Yes, my love.”</p><p>With the same overwhelming relief as the moment Satine invited me to Mandalore, I rushed into Obi-Wan’s arms. I don’t know how long it was before either of us could let go.</p><p> </p><p>It was… a <em>bit</em> of a time telling Cody we were leaving. You could say he wasn’t exactly happy with the news. But when I explained where we were going and why, he just put a hand on my shoulder and sent us off with a smile. As we were leaving the bridge, I turned to call back, “I’ll bring you a souvenir!” and he flashed one of those rare grins of his, shaking his head.</p><p>“I’m glad your mood is back up,” Obi-Wan chuckled once we were in a lift.</p><p>I cackled, “Yeah, sure. But now I’m feeling a little <em>manic.</em> If you know what I mean.”</p><p>Appearing out of nowhere, Qui-Gon put a hand on my head with a fond sigh. The cool weight immediately sent a calming sensation like water washing over me.</p><p>“Yes, I felt it from you as well, but you seem better now.”</p><p>I shivered unexpectedly and said, “I get the sense it won’t last. Would you mind flyin’ for a bit? I mean, once you put in the coordinates, you’re not really doing any of the work, but…”</p><p>“Ergo, I do actually <em>enjoy</em> flying. I wouldn’t mind at all. You’re going to try a bit of meditation, I assume?”</p><p>“Yeah, you know. Give it a shot. I’ll have to dig up my hood though.”</p><p>With a contemplative look, Qui-Gon sank through the floor. I didn’t have much time to consider what he was up to. As the door slid open, a red astromech approached the lift, pausing when it saw us.</p><p>It gave an excited string of beeps, and I touched its dome, chuckling, “Hello to you as well, little one. Who might you be?”</p><p>“Ah, R4-P17,” Obi-Wan explained. “She’s assigned to me, actually.”</p><p>“She’s yours, huh? Well, it’s wonderful to meet you, R4.”</p><p>Whistling happily, she followed us across the hangar.</p><p>“Where are we going?” I breathed deeply with a glance at Obi-Wan. “We’re on a personal mission.”</p><p>She whistled again.</p><p>“Mandalore,” I replied.</p><p>Her response was a long, low sound, somewhat somber, then a rising tone.</p><p>Obi-Wan stopped just short of the <em>Star Hunter,</em> saying, “No, R4, you don’t need to–”</p><p>“Actually, I don’t mind,” I grinned. “She can come if she wants to. It’d be nice to have an astromech around for once. ‘Sides, the more the merrier, right?”</p><p>“Well, I’m certainly not against it. It’s up to you, R4.” With a knowing smirk, he added, “I’m afraid it won’t be the most exciting of missions.”</p><p>R4’s staccato of beeps was easily interpreted as laughter.</p><p> </p><p>When the three of us finally made it into the cockpit of my ship, Qui-Gon was there, one of his old robes draped over his arm. R4 shrieked in surprise, and both Obi-Wan and I startled, Obi-Wan certainly more so. I guess all he could see was his Master’s robe floating in the air. Not a great sight.</p><p>Eyes wide, I gaped, “Can you– You can <em>hold</em> things?”</p><p>“Not most, no,” He admitted. “I tried touching this the other day and it just… worked. I was just as surprised as you are.”</p><p>“That’s amazing…” I glanced at Obi-Wan, wincing, “Oh, dear. Are you okay, babe?”</p><p>With a deep breath, he said, “I honestly could not tell you. Are you ready to go?”</p><p>“Uh, yeah. If you are.”</p><p>He silently gave my back a reassuring touch and sat to start up the ship. As we were leaving the hangar, Qui-Gon gently draped his cloak over me.</p><p>“He’ll be alright,” He smiled. “It’s not your fault either way. I wasn’t thinking.”</p><p>Quietly, I groaned, “I know, I know. But I can’t help but feel I’m the only reason either of you have to go through this!”</p><p>“Ergora, I was already watching. You simply gave me form. It can be a bit difficult at times, yes, but I feel so much closer.”</p><p>“So it’s… better?”</p><p>“For me, it is.”</p><p>“Thanks, Qui.”</p><p>“Of course.”</p><p>Having set the coordinates for Mandalore, Obi-Wan rejoined us and pulled up my hood.</p><p>“It’s better for me as well, love,” He said. “It’s just nice to know he’s there. That he’s not completely gone. So don’t you worry about me. Alright?”</p><p>“Alright,” I laughed. “I’m headed to my cabin then.”</p><p>“Do you want company?”</p><p>“Oh… Uh, I say this with all the love in the world, darlin’, but you’re not always the most… <em>calming</em> presence. When it comes to me, anyway.”</p><p>He tried to hide his annoyance at the comment, but I caught the slight narrowing of his eyes as he replied, “Might I ask what you mean by that?”</p><p>Qui-Gon shook his head with a slight smile. I got the feeling he knew exactly what I was referring to.</p><p>“Obi-Waaan…” I groaned, trying not to laugh. “It’s nothing <em>wrong.</em> You just have this sort of… inner rage that’s always burning away. It doesn’t bother me or anything like that, not at all. Actually, I’m usually kinda energized by it in this weird sorta way. But at this moment, energy’s not what I’m going for.”</p><p>He said nothing, just nodded slowly and turned to return to his seat. It just felt so cold. Something told me he had received similar commentary before, and it wasn’t with all the love in the world back then. I carefully reached a tendril into the Force, just to try and feel the room, and Obi-Wan’s shoulders stiffened.</p><p>As he glanced at me, I winced, “Wait, Obi-Wan– I’m sorry. I’m sorry. That was– And I was too harsh. Please–” I stepped up to his side and lay my hand over his. “I wasn’t criticizing you.” His eyes narrowed again. “C’mon, you know I’m the exact same way. We are what we are. That’s just how it is. That’s why it’s so difficult to interact with Force-sensitives sometimes. They see all the things even we can’t. But even if you have some kind of rage, look how good you are at controlling it! I’ve never seen you give in to it. You’ve witnessed my struggle. You’re an inspiration, Obi. Truly.”</p><p>This time when I reached through the Force, he met me, and our minds swirled around each other.</p><p>“Go on then,” Obi-Wan smiled. “I won’t hold you back.”</p><p>“And you never have.”</p><p>With a touch of his cheek, I left the cockpit, Qui-Gon at my side. His mood was suddenly quite dour, the heaviness of it smothering me. He noticed my feet falter and he apologized, saying, “I didn’t intend to project. The conversation simply brought up some bitter memories.”</p><p>“He’s always been like this, hasn’t he?”</p><p>“Yes. And I assume you have as well.”</p><p>“Yeah. Among other things.”</p><p>“I understand. I have my own struggles, of course. But Obi-Wan has always been an idealist. It only makes it more difficult for him to confront his own failings.”</p><p>“I thought idealism is the Jedi way.”</p><p>“Very much so, yes.” I sat on the floor of my cabin and Qui-Gon joined me with a sigh. “You know I have a tendency to disagree with the teachings of the Jedi. Our idealism distracts us from our reality, and when we are forced to face it, we are in great danger of falling apart over things that matter so much less than we believe. I used the word ‘failings.’”</p><p>“You agree it’s inaccurate?”</p><p>“Yes. I’m sorry for my mistake. That anger Obi-Wan carries isn’t a <em>failing,</em> not exactly. For the very same reason you brought up before. He carries anger, yes, and it affects him, of course, but he has developed the most impressive control of it. He’s turned what could have very easily been his ultimate downfall into one of his greatest accomplishments.”</p><p>“It’s inspiring.”</p><p>“Quite.”</p><p>“I wish I could be like him. But with me it’s all just…” I waved my arms around. “Too much.”</p><p>“Well, meditation is certainly a good place to start.”</p><p>“Right. I guess I got sidetracked. Are you staying?”</p><p>“Do you find me to be a calming presence?”</p><p>“Like ya wouldn’t believe.”</p><p>And it was true. As Qui-Gon settled, so did my mind, leaving me open to the whims of the Force.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Chapter 21</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Things get a little... funky...</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The thrum started as nothing, just a little buzzing sensation at the back of Obi-Wan’s head. Force-sensitives felt them all the time, those tiny vibrations. It was an effect of being near any life-form. The feeling was so familiar to Obi-Wan, he didn’t even think to pay it any mind. But with each passing minute, the thrum grew stronger and more chaotic until all of a sudden, distinct emotions began to rise from it. As Obi-Wan recognized them, each one crushed him more than the last. First came confusion and fear, like being lost in a deep cave without even a match to light your way. Then a deep grief and sorrow, the two intertwined, quickly followed by an unending rage. But the worst of all was the hunger. Whoever these emotions were coming from, they were truly starved. Every cell of their being was clawing for power, for family, for vengeance, and for what seemed most impossible of all: satisfaction. As it all strangled his quick-beating heart, Obi-Wan practically leapt out of his seat and sprinted to Ergo’s cabin, R4 following curiously. If Obi-Wan thought he was starting to drown in the cockpit, as the cabin door slid open, a hurricane of emotion battered him, his lungs feeling as if they were trying to breathe through cement. Ergo was kneeling in the center of the room with her sleeves pushed up, surrounded by a slew of smudged sketches. By her knee sat a tiny nub of charcoal, clearly having long outlived its usefulness. Apparently, paper had as well, as Ergo was painting directly on the floor. R4 sang a quiet note, a sound of concern, and Ergo looked up with wide eyes. Obi-Wan had seen pain on her face before, many more times than he cared to remember, and more terrible than anyone should have to endure, but he knew this was different. He could see it in the desperate furrowing of her brow. This pain wasn’t hers, and all she wanted to do was find whoever it belonged to and release them from it, once and for all.</p><p>“Obi-Wan…” She choked, smearing red paint across her cheek as she wiped at her tears in vain. “I couldn’t <em>stop,</em> I–” Her hands fell on each side of her painting and papers flew away as if a great wind had rushed from her fingers. “His <em>eyes,</em> Obi-Wan! Look at his eyes!”</p><p>Yes, Obi-Wan knew those eyes. How could he ever forget those eyes? How could he ever forget that <em>face?</em> He was too shocked for words as he crouched next to Ergo. He didn’t know what to do, didn’t know what to think. How could she be connecting him? How could she draw him so perfectly? And why in the <em>galaxy</em> was she looking at that painting like he was her child and he was on the brink of death?</p><p>“Er–” Obi-Wan swallowed, searching for his voice. “Ergo, do you know who this is?”</p><p>She looked to her side before hesitantly answering, “He killed Qui-Gon.”</p><p>“He’s <em>dead.</em> I made sure of that.”</p><p>“I– I have many visions, but– I’ve never been able to make distinctions between the past, present, or future. They’re all the same to me. Just… moments. Or less.”</p><p>“He’s <em>dead,” </em>Obi-Wan repeated fervently.</p><p>“I believe you, please, I believe you. But something <em>happened,</em> Obi-Wan. His mind isn’t… Something’s broken. The… the chains. The chains broke, bu– It’s what goes on inside that’s the problem. He’ll never be free. No…” She turned her head away and bit her thumb. “I sense <em>something</em>. Some moment. He’s…” Her eyes slipped closed as a sudden bliss relaxed her face.<em>“Satiated.</em> He’ll be okay. In the end.” The relief in her voice made Obi-Wan’s stomach churn. “Or he was?” </p><p>Her eyes flew open again and she stared at Obi-Wan, fresh tears tracking through the paint on her face. Now he saw it. This wasn’t her pain, but she felt it all the same, all the little intricacies that no one could possibly understand. How could she not feel relieved when she discovered some release from it?</p><p>Obi-Wan looked away, sighing, “I can’t, Ergo.” He crouched to touch her, but she just flinched away. “It’s too much.”</p><p>“I’m <em>sorry!”</em> She sobbed. “The <em>anger,</em> it just–”</p><p>“Are you saying this is <em>my</em> fault?”</p><p>Obi-Wan knew the shout was a mistake the second it left his lips, but by then it was already hanging in the air between them. He tried to reach a hand to Ergo, to stop her somehow. It only made it worse. One moment she was there, cowering from him, and the next, the door was closing behind her.</p><p> </p><p>⋄⋄⋄</p><p> </p><p>Obi-Wan immediately came after me. Of course he did. But like always, he didn’t overstep. He didn’t push. He just sat outside the dark cupboard I’d settled in, his presence burning warmly in the Force. Qui-Gon was a little less restrained. He’d followed me right into that cupboard and was still standing there over me with his cloak draped over his arm like he expected me to take it. Well, his determination won out in the end, I guess. After twenty minutes of staring blankly at the back wall of the cupboard, I hesitantly looked up at him. He held the cloak out in a reserved kind of excitement and I nodded with a quiet sigh. Obi-Wan shifted outside at the sound.</p><p>“It wasn’t you,” Qui-Gon said in a hushed tone as he brought the cloak around my shoulders. He was so careful to keep his words gentle. “He was upset with himself.”</p><p>“But…” Again, Obi-Wan moved when he heard me.</p><p>“No, little one.” Qui-Gon crouched to touch a hand to my cheek and I closed my eyes for a moment. “It wasn’t your fault. And it wasn’t his. It’s ever so complicated, isn’t it, having a Force-sensitive relationship? All these thoughts and feelings. Some of them yours, some of them others. All of them mixed together. It almost seems impossible to navigate. I found it difficult as well. I suppose in some ways very similar to you. We were both such troubled people, and always so quick to blame ourselves for our woes. And not just our own. For each other’s and everyone else’s, too. We found it so hard to accept that some things were simply out of our hands. Neither of you are at fault for what’s happened. There is no <em>fault.</em> It’s all just that mysterious will of the Force. Do you understand what I’m saying?”</p><p>“Well…”</p><p>“Yes, that’s the thing, isn’t it? We may never truly understand. But enough. Yes?”</p><p>“Mm-hm.”</p><p>“Good. Are you ready to go back out?”</p><p>“Mm…”</p><p>“Don’t rush yourself, young one. You have time.”</p><p>He was probably right, but I cracked the door open to peek outside. Obi-Wan was hesitant to react, probably afraid of spooking me. After what looked like a difficult consideration, he slipped his hand into the cupboard, palm up. That was as far as he would go. Nothing forceful or insistent. Not even desperate. Just a simple invitation. Tears were slowly rolling down my cheeks again as I touched my shaking fingertips to his, but they had nothing to do with pain or fear. They were liquid relief, falling down onto intertwined fingers. I opened the door, and Obi-Wan was just so <em>there.</em> I was happily diving headfirst into his presence, his mind coming up to meet mine.  He enveloped me in his arms (only after my incoherent insistence, of course), and the Force rose and fell like the first breath after being submerged in water. Obi-Wan wiped my tears away, murmuring desperate apologies. I could feel the Force shaking with his regrets, not just towards me, but Qui-Gon as well. There were flames of guilt threatening to burn us all to nothing.</p><p>“Obi-Wan,” I swallowed, “Stop.” I took a deep breath and touched my forehead to his, twisting our thoughts together to occupy his mind. <em>“Stop.</em> You’ll fall apart.”</p><p>He sighed through the Force and said, “I knew better, Ergo, I knew better.”</p><p>“I don’t–” I’d already been frustrated with the chaos inhabiting my head, and the rage only built as I struggled to speak. “What…”</p><p>“It’s alright.” Obi-Wan lightly touched my cheek, still cautious. “You can go slow.”</p><p>“No, I don’t– I don’t want to– What do you, um… mean?”</p><p>“I know I shouldn’t have shouted. I knew it would only make it worse.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Haven’t you noticed– No, that’s a terrible thing to say. I can’t assume you’re aware.”</p><p>“Of <em>what?”</em></p><p>“After you experience overwhelming emotion or especially great excitement, you have a tendency to… shut down in a way. Although it’s not as simple as that. At times you act the same, but there’ll be a sensation that seems to shock you out of… a trance, I suppose? By now, I’ve learned to recognize when to tread carefully. It’s not difficult. Your aura always starts to go a bit haywire.”</p><p>“I do this… often?”</p><p>“No, not often. There have been a few instances after lessons with the younglings. The first time, I think I touched your hand and you accidentally gave me quite a shock.”</p><p>“I don’t remember that!”</p><p>But even as I was saying this, the door to the cupboard flew shut with a bang. I’d felt myself push it with a burst of energy through the Force, and I stared at my hands in utter confusion.</p><p>“Don’t worry,” Obi-Wan laughed. “I don’t think you noticed. But you did look a bit like someone had doused you with cold water. Just as you do now.”</p><p>“I do not!”</p><p>“Ergo, Ergo.” He kissed my hand. “It doesn’t bother me. I just know I have to be careful. I must say, it is interesting. Half the time when you’re excitable, you want nothing more than to stimulate your senses.”</p><p>“What does <em>that</em> mean?”</p><p>“Oh, you get a bit… touchy.”</p><p>“Touchy?!”</p><p>“Forgive my use of the word, but it is quite entertaining. You’re just a very tactile person, and it goes to the extreme at times.” With a shaky grin, he assured, “I mean no offense by anything I’ve said, my love.”</p><p><em>“You’re</em> clearly not the problem.”</p><p>“Ergo, no–”</p><p>“When I got out of the bacta tank, then…”</p><p>“Ergora.”</p><p>“Was it the same?”</p><p>He sighed, “Yes, it was the same. Yet it was different. It’s not your fault. Sometimes our minds simply compensate in an undesirable way.”</p><p>“I know, I know. But–”</p><p>“Ergo, no ‘but’s. Even if it was an issue, I doubt it’s something you can easily change. We just have to adapt. I don’t mind. You’ve adapted enough for my sake.”</p><p>“Obi-Wan, that’s not the same.”</p><p>“I suppose not.” He stood and ran a hand through his hair. “You could have avoided all this.”</p><p>“Hey, Jedi.” He glanced at me and I grinned as I snaked my arms around his neck. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”</p><p>“Nor would I. Do you have tea, love? I think tea might be a good idea.”</p><p>“It’s a wonderful idea. Allow me to show you to the galley. It’s, uh, literally right through there.”</p><p>He kissed my temple with a smile and stepped into the galley, saying, “Bring it to you in the cockpit?”</p><p>“Oh. Sure.”</p><p>“Sorry, I thought you might like a little more time to recuperate.”</p><p>“Well, I guess– Yeah, I think that’d be good. Probably for both of us. See you there.”</p><p>R4 was waiting in the cockpit, and she immediately demanded to know what had happened, trying to cut me off as I made my way to the pilot’s seat.</p><p>“Nothing to worry about, R4,” I chuckled with a pat of her dome. I sat and pulled my legs up to the seat to hug my knees. “Are we getting close?”</p><p>She whistled at me, sounding vaguely annoyed.</p><p>“That soon? God, I must’ve been in deep for a <em>long </em>time.”</p><p>A troubled sound of confirmation.</p><p>“Hey, like I said. You don’t need to worry. That happens with meditation. When you’re deep in the Force and your own mind, you’ve got no idea time’s passing. Then when you come back up– Or maybe this is just me. When I come back up, it's hard to readjust to the real world. It’s kinda like… Ooh, how do I put this in terms a droid would understand? It’s like… if all of your sensors suddenly shut down. One second you’re as aware as possible, and the next, the world’s just… dull.”</p><p>R4 just stared.</p><p>“I guess droids can’t really grasp the concept of vibrancy in the same way people do.” Quickly, I added, “That’s okay, though, R4. It’s not something you can control. It’s just the way you were made. We are what we are. Why do I forget to listen to myself?”</p><p>“A question for all of us, don’t you think?”</p><p>I looked up at Obi-Wan in surprise. He had the most frustratingly charming little smile as he sat next to me. I couldn’t help beaming.</p><p>“Are we having an existential crisis, my love?” He joked, handing me a mug of tea.</p><p>“Well, as people who constantly contend with the nitty-gritty details of existing in the universe, and more importantly the Force, aren’t we always?”</p><p>“Very good point, indeed.”</p><p>“Thank you, Master Jedi.” I ran my thumb around the edge of my mug. “How did you make this so quickly?”</p><p>“You seem to have a <em>very </em>powerful kettle.”</p><p>“Do I? I don’t actually use it. Boiling water is a very good exercise for my whole, you know… elements thing.”</p><p>“I am <em>ever </em>so curious about that. I feel you didn’t go into all that much detail before. If I’m being honest.”</p><p>“Yes, you have a tendency to be.” He lowered his brow and I laughed, resting a hand on his knee. “Do you want me to tell you about it, Obi-Wan?”</p><p>“If you wouldn’t mind, of course.”</p><p>“Not at all. Anything to fill the time. Let’s see…” I leaned back in my seat and tapped my mug as I thought. “Well, water’s the easiest by far. When you break it all down, that’s no different from just regular ol’ levitation. It takes more control, but it’s nothing particularly special.”</p><p>“Now–”</p><p>“Ah, ah. Do I sound like I’m done?” His lips curled into an amused smile. “So. Electricity, fire, wind, all those kinds of things, they’re about manifesting what’s on the inside. Like I taught in that lesson. Electricity for me comes from– Well, actually, that one’s less simple than the others. It’s sort of just… excess energy. If that makes sense? But a specific kind that comes from emotions. I’d say it’s excitement for the most part. Fire’s anger. That’s kinda obvious. Then wind’s sorta joyful and calm. Though I made a mini tornado once. That was <em>not</em> calm.” I cringed at the memory. “Then there’s earth. Stars above, earth is <em>complicated.</em> In one sense it’s just as about your state as the others, but even more so, it’s about your relationship <em>with</em> earth. If you want to just move a grain of sand, you gotta bond with whatever planet you’re on.”</p><p>“Bond with a <em>planet?”</em></p><p>“Yeah, now you’re getting the complicated part.”</p><p>“Just how does one go about bonding with entire planets?”</p><p>“Uhh, with a helluva lotta concentration, that’s how. As I’m sure you know, the auras of worlds have a lot of layers.”</p><p>“Yes, of course. Every lifeform is a piece. Sentiments, non-sentients… <em>plants.</em> And everything in between.”</p><p>“Exactly. It’s all that <em>plus</em> the rock itself.”</p><p>“You’ve described speaking to crystals before. I was under the impression that minerals don’t give off any kind of presence.”</p><p>“Certainly not all of them, no. And even the one that do are very weak. Except for kyber. I got in touch with Christophsis when I was a kid, and lemme tell ya, she is <em>noisy.”</em></p><p>“Incredible. I’d say I can imagine, but it would be a lie.”</p><p>“I know. It’s okay. Anyways, here you are, somehow having formed a bond with whatever dust ball you’re standing on. From there, it’s the same kind of precision I need for liquids. If you’re careful, you could end up burying yourself in a sinkhole. But once you’ve got the hang of it all? The things you can do are just <em>incredible.</em> Insanely draining, but absolutely amazing.”</p><p>“What I wouldn’t give to see it…”</p><p>“Hey, you never know. I might be up to a demonstration one day. We’ll see how it plays out.”</p><p>As hope was blooming in his eyes, we slipped out of hyperspace, the great desert of Mandalore suddenly looming before us.</p><p>“This might be pretty much the worst time to ask this,” I said, “But what are you gonna do about Korkie?” Obi-Wan just gave a glum shake of his head, and I nodded, “I get it. I’m just sayin’... I know the kid well enough, and he’ll want to talk at least once. I’m sure he’s curious.”</p><p>“I am as well, of course I am, but I have no idea what to say!”</p><p>“Obi-Wan, I understand. You are panicking a bit, though. Just so you know.” He gave me a sour look. “Sorry, sorry,” I laughed, touching his hand. “I just don’t want you to freak out. You’re really not the type.”</p><p>“I’m not freaking out.”</p><p>“Okay, I was just trying to… It’ll be fine, Obi. Just don’t  treat him any differently than you usually would. You’re good with Ahsoka. Korkie shouldn’t be too much different. You’ll be great.”</p><p>“And you?”</p><p>I stared out at the port we’d landed in and sighed, “Yeah, I’m freakin’ out. S’fine.”</p><p>“Come on. You’re here, you’ve done it.”</p><p>“I appreciate the effort, but I’m damn sure nothing anyone will say could really calm me right now. Okay?”</p><p>“Yes, I think that’s fair. Should we go?”</p><p>“Now or never. Can you, um… hold my hand?”</p><p>“Of course.”</p><p>Obi-Wan gently took my hand as we both stood, and I felt a sudden shock of encouragement for him, making my breath falter. With a small smile, he drew me into a hug. Our presences in the Force often found themselves intertwined, and we’d both come to recognize the connection, but it was rare that we could both feel it so clearly as we did in that moment. As Obi-Wan gripped the back of my shirt, we spiralled together in the Force, colors blurring into something new. Simply put, for a moment, we were solely and completely <em>us.</em> And then he let go. The feeling didn’t disappear, but it became dull the second we stopped touching. Even when he grabbed my hand to follow me down the gangplank, that wonderful vibrancy felt like something I could never get back. Taking a deep breath, I squeezed Obi-Wan’s hand, let go, and offered a friendly smile to the guards who greeted us.</p><p>“I assume you were warned of our arrival?” I laughed good-naturedly.</p><p>One guard nodded, “The Duchess did say the ship was quite distinct.”</p><p>“Yeah, there’s one word for it. Well, what are we waiting for? Lead the way.”</p><p>“You’ll both have to give up your weapons.”</p><p>I clenched my jaw and Obi-Wan touched my arm to center me. Begrudgingly, we both handed our lightsabers to the two guards.</p><p>The previously silent man added, “The knife as well.”</p><p>“What?” I grunted, struggling not to snatch my saber back.</p><p>“The Duchess told us you would have one hidden on you somewhere. Hand it over before we have to search you.”</p><p>“Yeah, that ain’t happenin’. <em>Here.”</em> I whipped my hunting knife out of my boot and shoved it into his hand. “Can we go now?”</p><p>“Yes, Master Jedi.”</p><p>“Little late for that, buddy.”</p><p>The guards exchanged a glance before stowing our weapons and gesturing for us to follow.</p>
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